In 2014, comedian, musician, podcaster and Nashvillian Chris Crofton asked the Scene for an advice column, so we gave him one. Crowning himself the “Advice King,” Crofton shares his hard-won wisdom with whoever seeks it. Follow Crofton on Bluesky and Instagram (@thecroftonshow), and check out his The Advice King Anthology and Cold Brew Got Me Like podcast. To submit a question for the Advice King, email bestofbread@gmail.com.
Dear Advice King,
How can we heal the political divide in this country?
Signed,
—Everybody
First of all, this is not a political moment. This is an illegal-monopolies moment. This is a monopoly-money-in-politics moment. A streets-full-of-assault-rifles moment. And it is solvable, with the right leadership (i.e., leadership not sponsored by aforementioned monopolies).
Our only hope is that the low-wage earners realize we're on the same side
This is a cockfight, with billionaires taking bets. We are all victims here.
OK, I needed to say that. This isn’t politics. This is much bigger. This is a loss of societal narrative. In a capitalist system, “God” is a paid-off ranch house. “God” is a college fund for the kids, with enough left over for a barbecue and some beers. Maybe even enough for a little house on the lake. In America, our secular god — the god of the “prosperity gospel,” the American Dream — has left the building. Forever. And just like every other American, I’m completely disoriented.
All we have to do in a moment like this is figure out how to fix it. And boy, oh boy, are we failing at that. We’re attacking each other! We all know who has the money — and it isn’t us. But we don’t just need money. We need something to believe in. And it can’t be a ranch house. The good news? I know what it is. It’s OURSELVES! The poor!
Face it: We are poor. Or even worse, we are in debt. We're the ones who Jesus tended to in the Bible. He did it to set an example. An example of how to live, and how to be whole. And even how to be saved. We're the ones we’re supposed to love and care for. The poor. IT’S US. We need to believe in each other.
We’re going to need to start calling things what they are, for starters
God did not put us here to dominate and demean one another. That’s Satan.
You might ask why I'm talking about God so much. Look around. We are at the end of capitalism. We are searching for meaning, and we’re not good at it. It’s no wonder. We were raised on John Wayne, Buford Pusser and Smith & Wesson. There’s no meaning to be found in “putting your boot up someone’s ass” — that’s a dopamine hit.
That’s all I have today. I’m a mess. We all are.
Here’s a poem:
"America"
the definition
of insanity
is doing
the same thing
over and over
and expecting different results.
the thing
that
we have been doing
over and over
forces people
out onto the streets,
forces families
to beg in parking lots,
and puts people in cages.
how would you like to proceed?
