38th Annual You Are So Nashville If …

It’s a very strong year for YASNI entries.

Once a year since time immemorial (read: 1989), the editorial staff of the Nashville Scene has asked our readers to complete the iconic phrase “You are so Nashville if …” And every year, certain recurring themes rear their heads among the submissions: California transplants; the recording industry; Dolly Parton. Recently, themes of rapid development, affordability and tourist culture (specifically, bachelorettes) have become prevalent. 

But this year? This year feels different.

Sure, those themes appeared again — and sure, some of the fresher versions of the ever-present Dolly and bachelorette jokes were good enough to make the cut. But many first-time topics and phrases popped up again and again among our hundreds of submissions. To the best of our recollection, the phrase “data center” had never before appeared among YASNI submissions; this year it was included in 22 entries. Similar story with “Waymo,” which went from 0 to 23. Nashville’s impending 2030 Super Bowl was mentioned roughly 30 times, with Nashville Electric Service called out by name in about 20. (That number more than doubles if you throw in ice-storm-related references to “power” and “trees.”) Aside from NES, the most popular targets of YASNI submitters’ wrath were the Republican supermajority’s congressional gerrymandering efforts, The Boring Company’s under-construction Music City Loop, U.S. Sen. Marsha Blackburn, and ICE. Plus a few jabs at the ABC series 9-1-1: Nashville for good measure.

The Scene’s editorial team combed through all the submissions, and after a daylong meeting, we narrowed down our list to the most funny, original and incisive — about 200 of them in total. Below find our first-, second- and third-place winners and our honorable mentions, along with everything else that made the cut. We even threw in a handful of Weirdies (the entries that don’t make a whole lot of sense) and Earnest Ones (submissions that aren’t exactly funny or incisive, but are just too wholesome to cut).

Dive into this year’s entries, accompanied by excellent illustrations from artist Corrie Liotta. Thanks for submitting, and thanks for reading. —D. PATRICK RODGERS, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

First Place

NES blocked you. —Trent Hanner

Second Place

You’ve lived through enough disasters to fill two, maybe three, episodes of 9-1-1: Nashville. —Megan Minarich

Third Place

Your airport tunnel spans three congressional districts. —Keri Pagetta

About the Winner

Trent Hanner may have won this year’s YASNI contest and had eight other entries published, but his record for most printed submissions was in 2024. That year, he had 10 submissions published, and as a longtime reader, he wears that accomplishment like a badge of honor.

“I grew up in Goodlettsville,” he tells the Scene, “and I think I started looking at these when I was in high school. I moved away, then came back in 2006 after being away for about eight years, and that’s when I actually started contributing.”

What’s his submission strategy? “I usually wait till the week before, and I sit outside, and I just try to imagine what was in the zeitgeist this year — and how can you sum that up into the pithiest, most really relatable way?”

He appreciates the craft of creating the perfect YASNI, and says that workshopping the one-liners is a huge part of the draw.

“Sometimes I’ll enter one, and then after I hit send I’ll rephrase it and fine-tune it and resubmit it.”

Of this year’s winning entry, which cuts to the heart of January’s devastating ice storm as well as public resentment for the way Nashville Electric Service handled it, Hanner drew on his own personal experience.

“That’s actually true,” he explains. “One of my neighbors had gotten so mad at NES that they blocked her from reporting outages during the ice storm.”

Still, he knows the comedy lies in distilling genuine frustrations into a concise quip that trusts the reader to get the joke.

“I’ve noticed over the years,” he says, “you guys don’t really publish really dark stuff. You keep it pretty light. I mean, it’s always — like I said — in the zeitgeist, it’s very timely. It’s like taking the pulse of the city. But you avoid negativity, and that’s what keeps them fun.” —LAURA HUTSON HUNTER

Honorable Mentions

We asked for better mass transit and all we got was this hole in the ground. —Stephen Yeargin

You and your roommate are in different congressional districts. —Trent Hanner

You would never celebrate rising unemployment in Nashville, unless it’s at The Daily Wire. —Andy Gasparini

Your favorite out-of-towners are the purple martins. —Emily Freitag

When you learned we were getting a Hermes you thought they were building another Parthenon. —Rachel Scott

You thought the Boring Co. was that family your wife met in Brentwood. —Jason Marsden

You’re prouder of your second-place YASNI than of your Grammy or Michelin star. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You have survivor’s guilt because you only lost power for 48 hours. —Megan Minarich

You took a Waymo to WeHo for the pesto at Il Forno. —Dan McNamara

“Burying lines” and “hitting speed bumps” used to refer to what happened in the back of the tour bus. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

The NashSevereWx team had a better season than any of your city’s professional sports teams. —Ashley Haskins

You celebrate Aftyn Behn and Diego Pavia almost winning their races. —Ken Lass

You know Oprah vs. Moist is the real Nashville Super Bowl. —Andy Gasparini

You bought an extension cord long enough to reach Marsha Blackburn's house. —Abby George

And the Rest

You got gerrymandered before it was cool. —Stewart Day

It’s only a matter of time before you’re gerrymandered out of participating in this contest. —Hailey Johnson

Your voting district isn’t! —Allison Everett

You have to drive past two Buc-ee’s to get to your congressman’s house. —Woody Woodward

You now share a congressional district with towns you only ever heard of on storm broadcasts. —Megan Minarich

You had to park four congressional districts away to vote. —Blair Stilwell

You had to drive through five congressional districts just to get to work. —Laura Seay

You can drive four hours and never leave your legislative district. —Keith Heim

All your protesting showed them exactly where to draw the new district lines. —Nate Griffin

Your partner’s side of the bed is in a different congressional district. —Joseph Rapolla

Your duplex is in three different congressional districts. —Bill Flowerree

You’ve had more U.S. representatives than serious relationships. —Allison Damratoski

You haven’t moved but you are in your third congressional district in four years. —Kristen Stewart

Your new voting district is your neighbor’s guest bathroom and all of Utah and Wyoming. —Dan McNamara

Memphis lost its IKEA before it could be drawn into your congressional district. —Stephen Yeargin

The state legislature fills out your voting ballot for you to save time. —Ronald Lee

You’re worried that burying power lines will somehow create mutant cicadas. —Megan Minarich

You envy those 13-year cicadas sleeping through all this crap right now. —Trent Hanner

“We ass.” —Dan McNamara

Both of your favorite restaurants in town are named after Willie Nelson songs. —Andy Gasparini

You named your Porch Goose Honk Williams. —Joseph Rapolla

You dressed your Porch Goose as Dolly Parton. —Joseph Rapolla

Your lifestyle is WeHo but your budget is DickPi. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

Your perception of Dickerson Pike will always be frozen in time by Chris Crofton. —Brian Siskind

Your city’s main recession indicator is that Jason Isbell is down to only a six-show residency at the Ryman. —Lindsay Bergstrom

You are an ardent supporter of the burgeoning agro-terrorism scene developing in Joelton. —William Hall

You think Joelton is a nice place to raise a family. Of Nazis. —William Hall

You plan to ask the Ralph Lauren staff what’s on tap out of protest. —Emily Freitag

You’re a vegetarian, but you have a passionate opinion on what is the best hot chicken in town. —Joseph Rapolla

You wonder if Elevation Orthodontics is trying to sexualize dentistry. —Leslie Hales

You wish we could all be as indestructible as the Rivergate Mall JCPenney Portraits. —Megan Minarich

You stopped asking folks what part of town they live in and instead ask how long they were without power. —Jamie Yost

Your driveway de-icer is Prince’s Chicken XXX Hot seasoning. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

Your special commission to investigate NES will have power to subpoena … maybe in five to seven days, 10 days max depending on ZIP code. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You appreciate that it took the largest power outage in Nashville history, combined with some patently false Facebook rumors, to turn all the worst people you know pro-union. —Andy Gasparini

You know exactly how long Blake Farmer was without power. —Megan Minarich

You’re calling Marsha Blackburn the next time your power goes out so she can put in a good word with NES for you. —Stephen Yeargin

Your 1%ers refer to both wealth and where they were in line to get their power back. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You have PTSD from NES during the Super Bowl halftime show. —Leslie Hales

You think NES needs a rebrand more than the Titans did. —Patrick Conley

Your neighbors complained about trees falling during winter and are now complaining about NES tree trimming. —Anonymous

You have officially given up on ever seeing your curb again and have started naming the moss ecosystems growing on your sidewalk brush piles. —Jackie Hughes

You blew up the library and Metro Council still found the courage to give you more power. —Joseph Lee

You still don’t understand whether the library garage is gonna collapse, or what. —Trent Hanner

You’re still trying to find a place to store your dangerous, highly flammable gas containers, since your last idea of storing them in the Nashville Library garage didn’t turn out so well. —Dan McNamara

Your car is still trapped in the downtown library garage. —Aunt Becky

You heard there was a fire at the library and you hoped it was because of chemicals in a closet and not a book burning gone wrong. —Jamie Yost

You can’t decide if you want to bury your power lines or your local utility board. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

Your power just came back on. —Drew Maynard

You holiday at the pothole’s edge. —William Hall

People with chainsaws are helping. —Cornelia Minarich (age 2)

You accidentally discovered the next Kid Rock at a cursed local venue called The Capitol. —Shelby Bottoms

You know the difference between a farm and a plantation. —Wando Weaver

You avoid the thrift store because coming across your ex’s band T-shirt again would be too much. —Linda Bailey

You’re not sure if it takes longer to drive to the cellphone lot or walk to the new D gates. —Emily Freitag

You haven’t been fooled and you’re still using Exit 216A at BNA. —Tony Gonzalez

You thought you knew how to get to the airport. —Jamie Yost

You only think you’re on the airport board. —Trent Hanner

You don’t know how all these restaurants got Michelin recommendations but not Donut Den. —Josh Malkofsky-Berger

You wonder when a tornado will turn the Stix sculpture into a bunch of projectiles, and how many of them will wind up lodged into the green roof on the Music City Center. —Eric Blevins

On a brighter note, we didn’t get a tornado this year. —Trent Hanner

You just can’t make yourself buy tickets to see music at a venue called The Truth without feeling like you’re joining a religious cult. —Andy Gasparini

The governor of California has held more town hall meetings in your city than Marsha Blackburn. —Ashley Haskins

You can take the train to Lebanon, but not Chattanooga, Knoxville nor Memphis. —Lex Tinsley

You can’t tell if you’re in a church or a co-working space that used to be a church. —Shea Stripling

Ann Patchett silently judged you for reading Off-Campus. —Rachel Scott

You almost believed Nate Bargatze’s political neutrality stance all these years. —Keith Heim

You have a Bart Durham tattoo. —Joseph Rapolla

You think the guy pulling the 7 a.m. singer-songwriter shift at BNA deserves his name on a Broadway bar more than Morgan Wallen. —Stephen Yeargin

You wear red and green for your favorite holiday: Tomato Art Fest. —Joseph Rapolla

Every August, you unsuccessfully try to care about tomatoes. —Andy Logan

You think the Nashville Kats are what you signed the data center petition to save. —Rachel Scott

You strongly oppose a data center affecting the Nashville Zoo but use AI to generate inspo pics for your hairdresser. —Ashley Haskins

Your “down with data centers” protest sign was written by AI. —Hailey Johnson

Every time you open Instagram, you’re scared your favorite bar posted a goodbye letter. —Carley Carder

You’re afraid to mention a restaurant by name because it might be closed by the time this issue hits the stands. —Rachel Scott

You quoted lyrics from “True Believer” by Hayley Williams when they asked about how you feel about the city. —Stephen Yeargin

You’ve actually caught Hayley Williams at the Green Hills and Franklin Whole Foods. —Ashley Haskins

You think Lower Broad is so lame even the Bang This Twins don’t go anymore. —Jason Marsden

You can identify a Local Honey haircut from across the room. —Carley Carder

You finally broke down and scheduled a hair appointment at Local Honey. —Maggie Reno

You wonder what ever happened to that illustration of naked people walking off a spaceship that lined the escalator corridor of the old Tennessee State Museum. —Hailey Johnson

You got invited to Buddytown. —Stephanie Eatherly

You don’t think you should have to pay to park in some vacant lot if you can name the business it replaced. —Drew Maynard

You were ok with digging tunnels under the city, but only because you thought it was an effort to find the long-lost Nun Bun. —Elijah Reynolds

It’s been such a long year that you almost forgot about the Cracker Barrel rebranding debacle. —Leslie Hales

You know that we can’t possibly bury our power lines, because that’s where we keep the Teslas. —Andy Gasparini

Your school carpool line moves more people through it than the Music City Loop ever will. —Stephen Yeargin

You thought the “Music City Loop” was a new line dance. —Ray Shelide

An abandoned Tesla tunnel becomes our second-most-realistic transit plan. —Hope Pace

The Boring Company tunnel promo looks like it was shot with a colonoscopy camera. —Leslie Hales

You checked your home insurance for “sinkholes” the second Elon Musk mentioned a tunnel. —Debbie Emory-Utzig

Somehow, drilling a tunnel in our underside is the perfect metaphor for how the state is always treating us. —Hailey Johnson

You wonder if Elon’s tunnel will have speed cushions. —Bob Ward

Your street is calmer, but your car’s suspension is shot. —Louise Phillips

Your entire street is now just speed cushions. —Matt Nahay

The music in your local library’s puppet show got great reviews. —Megan Minarich

The private equity firm that owns the house next to you won’t hire a landscaper. —Joseph Rapolla

You have the Ryman seating chart PDF memorized. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You realize only three iconic properties remain downtown: The Station Inn, White Castle and the Hustler store. —Bob Vogt

Your favorite “Old Nashville” restaurant that still exists: the White Castle on Broadway. —Joseph Rapolla

Guitar Center sends you flowers on your birthday. —Alan Spindel

You get triggered by the way Jesse Palmer says Mt. Juliet in those Rooms To Go commercials. —Leslie Hales

You spotted more than one “Don’t California my Tennessee” bumper sticker at In-N-Out. —Ashley Haskins

You are saving so much in taxes after moving here that you built your own In-N-Out. —Jamie Yost

The “Mance for Judge” graphic design really confused you. —Leslie Hales

The extent to which you are willing to support public transport is by playing a train song. —William Hall

You’re writing in the NashSevereWx guys for governor. —Rachel Scott

You named the feral cats in your neighborhood Conway Kitty and Purrgill Simpson. —Joseph Rapolla

You feel strongly that your Trader Joe’s is better than the other Nashville one. —Kristen Smith

You submitted a FEMA disaster relief application for the CMA Florida Georgia Line reunion. —Michael Williams

You found yourself frantically Googling what number LXIV is. —Hailey Johnson

You’ve already listed your home on Airbnb for February 2030. —William Lamb

You’re going to be more interested in the rigging and the staging of the halftime show than in the Super Bowl itself. —Hailey Johnson

Your bus stop benches require bike locks. —Tony Gonzalez

Your city’s idea of a new walkable neighborhood includes a six-lane highway down the middle of it. —Ezra Howard

Your governor goes nuclear over Pride Month. —Ken Lass

You thought the “scrap metal junkyard eyesore across the river” referred to the Titans. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You were rejected by the hip-hop community only to find success in bro country. —Ashley Haskins

You’ll always say it “Luh-FAYE-it.” —Cara Dorris

You’re beginning to suspect that the three white stars on our state flag are just 15 little klan hoods. —Drew Maynard

You fact-checked the geographical accuracy of 9-1-1: Nashville but accepted the nail-shooting fire tornado without question. —Ezra Howard

You forgot that 9-1-1: Nashville was a thing until you saw a bunch of YASNIs referencing it. —Hailey Johnson

The only names you recognize in the Fan Fair lineup are people you went to high school with. —Ashley Gish

You found religion again praying for Dolly’s health. —Amanda Wilmoth

You have an ongoing bet that Taylor Swift will play the Super Bowl at home before the Titans will. —Ashley Haskins

You think Diarrhea Planet should play a two-hour set for the Super Bowl halftime show. —Levi Conrad

Your new stadium was completely financed by the hotel taxes paid by locals in January and February 2026. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

The hotel you stayed at during the ice storm was more affordable than your home. —Ken Lass

After Winter Storm Fern, you think Nashville should name its plow and salt truck “Abolish Ice.” —David Duhl

You have to be specific about which ICE is surrounding your house and blocking your driveway. —Shelby Bottoms

Ice really screwed up the city. Then we had a snowstorm. —Nate Griffin

That sound could be guns, fireworks or the newest one: exploding trees. —Shelby Bottoms

You have five months left of a six-month supply of hand warmers. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You didn’t have a lawn mower, leaf blower or, in fact, any yard equipment, but as of Feb. 15, 2026, you own a lumberjack-rated chainsaw and a diesel-powered woodchipper. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You are afraid of your own trees. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

It’s May and you’re still coming up with banger YASNIs about the ice storm. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You had to distinguish between “ICEpocalypse” and “icepocalypse” to your out-of-state friends. —Megan Minarich

You’re now VERY prepared for the ice storm of 2056. —Jocelyn Phillips

You still get excited when you see NES trucks on the block. —Emily Freitag

Gaylord Opryland’s ICE! got really out of hand this year. —Megan Minarich

You thought “redrawing the maps” meant they were finally updating the Nashville Electric Service outage webpage. —Shelby Bottoms

In January, you ask your family for updates on the winter storm and they tell you Scott Hamilton is doing double axels in the cul-de-sac. —Rob Berger

You spent your first few months of this year in the sticks. —Allison Everett

You think that Brooks & Dunn is a law firm and that Morgan & Morgan is the latest country hat-act duo. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

You didn’t know the Chinese buying up our farmland was such a big deal. —Michael Williams

You have all this pink paint, but no racist statue to throw it on. —Hailey Johnson

You stop at roundabouts and roll through four-way stops. —Brian Gilleland

You think the crossing guard directing Saturday morning soccer traffic at First Presbyterian has the hardest job in the city. —Emily Freitag

You whine about property taxes while paying your performers in exposure. —Sk’Burple Urpslurple

You’ll make a day trip to Dollywood, but not to Broadway. —Joseph Rapolla

You’re still mad they haven’t named a street after Marty Stuart. —Andy Logan

You’ve checked to see if Taylor and Travis are registered at the White Bridge Road Target. —Nate Griffin

You’ve hiked the “I-40 East Trail” from the Ferrari dealership to BNA more than the trails at Percy Warner. —Jim Flautt and Wade Munday

The child you conceived during the 2008 financial crisis just graduated from MBA or Harpeth Hall. —Naresh Patel

You realize that the end will finally be heralded when Dave and Gillian finally merge into a single body. —William Hall

You named your firstborn Diego. —Bob Vogt

You’re still hungover from trying to outdrink the Pavia family last fall at a Vandy game. —Dan McNamara

January 13th will now be known as Bree Smith Resurrection and Revitalization Day. —Leslie Hales

When people ask you what our new stadium is going to look like, you say “Private Equity Sheik.” —Andy Gasparini

You call the new football stadium a “tall-and-not-so-skinny.” —Jason Marsden

You get more texts from Metropolis Parking than anyone in your contacts list. —Trent Hanner

You hope that Nashville gets a pro baseball team so you don’t have to hear about the Milwaukee Admirals in July. —Andy Logan

You painted your house white with black trim, means she be a’goin on the market!!! —Jason Marsden

You secretly wonder how Ed the zebra is doing. —Hailey Johnson

Your state would rather support bodily autonomy for Waymos than for women. —Rachel House

You won’t get in a Waymo, but you think it’s completely rational to ride on a rolling tavern driven by drunk people. —Trent Hanner

You took a Waymo to the ER after you got run over by a pedal tavern. —Jenny Schafer

You’d rather your Waymo drive you into the Cumberland than park downtown. —Abby George

You played your new album for your Waymo driver and it left them speechless. —Joseph Rapolla

You’re excited to see Bill Lee go back to fixing toilets. —Naresh Patel

You’re not enthusiastic about Flock cameras turning the rest of the world into Belle Meade. —Andy Gasparini

You’ve already lived through the three worst weather-related events in Nashville history. —Stephen Yeargin

Your city leaders think you can handle the Super Bowl when a rainy afternoon snarls traffic for hours. —Katie Miller

Your new football coach thinks seed oil was the real reason for six total wins in two seasons. —Stephen Yeargin

You hope the higher tax assessment comes with a concert presale code. —Andrew Demolat

You’re planning on opening a checking account with the new East Bank. —Cletis Carr

You are from California and you are a jerk to everyone. —Eckhard Knoepke

You really don’t care what happens to the racetrack and are just tired of the debate. —Katie Miller

The Earnest Ones

Your idea of peaking in life is finding yourself as a featured subject in a Ray Di Pietro “Moments From Nashville” Instagram post. —Gracie Freeman

Your husband received a YASNI tribute when he died. (Thank you, Nashville Scene. We miss you, Charlie Harris.) —Megan Minarich

Your obituary mentions your winning submissions to YASNI. —Cornelia Coode

You have Hatch prints older than your children. —Jamie Yost

You’re not religious, but the Glendale United Methodist Church signs make you smile. —Leslie Hales

Your grandparents spent their high school weekends downtown, catching a movie or grabbing some dinner at the diner. (Yes, THAT downtown.) —Tiffany Petty

You walk into Arnold’s and Rose knows your name. —Jessica Logan

You and your dad compete with YASNI submissions every year and he’s in the lead so pick this one! —Katie Miller

You get a little wistful every time you drive by Todd Snider’s recording studio in East Nashville. —Stephen Yeargin

You voice-to-text yourself a YASNI idea while driving so you don’t forget it before you get home. —Keith Heim

You jot down “You’re so Nashville If …” ideas throughout the year. —Joseph Rapolla

You’ve had a patty melt at Hermitage Cafe at 3 a.m. —Tiffany Petty Gilliam

You love original music and you listen every chance you get!!! —Lynne Gilbertson

You love dogs. —Brook Hill

Weirdies

You want the police start enforcing jaywalking law, especially on lower broadway and extra especially when the jaywalkers are in a crosswalk while the red hand is lit up, but only when the jaywalkers are actually impeding the flow of vehicle traffic. —Eric Blevins

You got a tattoo of someone else getting a tattoo. —Willie Hall

You get cut off on the 440/40 split and have a woman dump someone’s ASHES from an URN on you. —Kyle Anspach

The guy who desperately tried to get you to be in an ethical, nonmonogamous relationship is running the ambient noise night at the meter for the guy who ghosted you because he didn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship. —Laura Foster

Past Winners

1989: You think our Parthenon is better because the other one fell apart. —Susan Fenton

1990: Your mayor is married and engaged at the same time. —Maralee Self

1991: You say to the person behind the counter at the Hot Stop, “We really kicked y’all’s ass in that Desert Storm.” —Willie D. Sweet Jr.

1992: You go to a Hank Williams Jr. concert at Starwood and pass out before Hank does. —Ted W. Davis III

1993: Your church congregation is referred to as “the studio audience.” —Sharon Kasserman

1994: You think that the H.O.V. lane is for people with AIDS. —Paul Allen

1995: No winner

1996: You never meant to stay here this long. —Robert Jetton

1997: You’ve checked your flower bed for Janet March. —Terry Robertson

1998: You’re the only one who doesn’t know you’re gay. —Diana Hecht

1999: You dig up your mom. —Rick Hagey

2000: You want to vote Brad Schmitt off the island. —Chad Tribble

2001: Your minister follows the Nine Commandments. —Ken Lass

2002: Towns you’ve never heard of are going to be hit by a tornado at 6:51, 6:53 and 7:01 p.m. —Rick Hagey

2003: You returned a friendly Southern wave to Adam Dread as he veered across Franklin Pike. —Cindy Parrish

2004: You need a war to sell records. —Joe Scutella

2005: Your governor gives TennCare beneficiaries McDonald’s instead of health care coverage. —Ken Lass

2006: You were a gay cowboy before being a gay cowboy was cool. —Michael Williams

2007: You saw Kenny Chesney in a Kroger reading Out & About. —Michael Williams

2008: Your DUI arrest gets a five-star rating on YouTube. —Roy Moore

2009: Your local GOP makes the KKK look like the ACLU. —Jonathan Belcher

2010: Your city flooded and all you got was a lousy T-shirt. —David Anthony

2011: Gay gay gay, gay gay; gay gay gay gay gay. —Dana Delworth

2012: You think Bart Durham should direct The Real Housewives of Nashville. —Holly Matthews

2013: You think the TV show should have been called Mount Juliette. —Bill Hench

2014: Your amp goes to 11, but not to Belle Meade. —Zack Bennett

2015: You’re afraid Bob Mueller’s mustache will be torn down to build a high-rise apartment building. —Zack Bennett

2016: Your therapist doesn’t know you’re gay. —Russell Ries Jr.

2017: In June, you were citing Rule No. 48.24-B that states a goal can be reviewed if an inadvertent whistle caused a stoppage in play. In January, you thought hockey was played with a ball. —Brian Bates

2018: Nashville is canceled. Also, the TV show was not renewed. —Charlie Harris

2019: Your idea of “light rail” means doing just a little bit of coke. —Katie Wesolek

2020: Your idea of contact tracing is checking for hand stamps from Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk & Rock ’N’ Roll Steakhouse. —Megan Minarich

2021: You think Derrick Henry offseason workout vids should be flagged as erotica. —Chase Stejskal

2022: You’ve been on the darkweb trying to solicit trash pickup. —Logan Elliott

2023: The state legislature already overturned this joke. —JJ Wright

2024: You wonder which will return first: the cicadas or women’s rights? —Andy Gasparini

2025: You’re on track to have more football stadiums than Super Bowl appearances. —Allison Damratoski