In 2014, comedian, musician, podcaster and Nashvillian Chris Crofton asked the Scene for an advice column, so we gave him one. Crowning himself the “Advice King,” Crofton shares his hard-won wisdom with whoever seeks it. Follow Crofton on Twitter and Instagram (@thecroftonshow), and check out his The Advice King Anthology and Cold Brew Got Me Like podcast. To submit a question for the Advice King, email bestofbread@gmail.com.
Dear Advice King,
I am a Democrat voter, and I was planning to vote for Biden. Many of my Democrat friends say that they will not vote for Biden — no matter what — because of his Middle East policy. While I understand the idea behind that, I feel like not voting for Biden will just make things worse. What do you think?
—Theresa in Atlanta
I am not happy with Biden’s foreign policy, Theresa. That is a bit of an understatement, actually.
I will, however, be voting for him. It’s the only responsible thing to do.
You know what else I’m not happy with, Theresa? I am not happy that the state of Tennessee is building an 800-acre police training facility complete with a “mock city” for training that is clearly meant to be an American city. Not a city full of terrorists — a city full of problem people, aka the people trying to stave off fascism. Problem cities full of people who need social services, not faux “fiscal responsibility.” People who need public schools, not private schools. Cities of people who do not want tax cuts for the wealthy, subsidized sports stadiums and sadistic, antidemocratic supermajorities. So … any city in America.
The state’s Multi-Agency Law Enforcement Training Academy in Nashville will cost $415 million and take up 800 acres
Atlanta is building a giant police training facility too — “Cop City.” Soon every city will have one. Will they be policing the powerful? Or protecting their capital? I’d argue they are there to control the weak and the kind. The people who want labor laws, unions and workers’ rights. The poor. The unhoused. The “left.”
I have friends who want to “burn it down.” But that’s just their privilege talking. If you can afford to “burn it down,” you must not need it.
Practically speaking, “burn it down” just means turning the country over to the people who function well in chaos — the guys in jackboots. Those guys are dying for things to burn so they can use their bulletproof Kevlar suits and night-vision goggles. So they can “secure the perimeter” and kettle the people who resist, use facial recognition software linked to internet search histories and “own the libs” with zip ties. Republicans are already fantasizing — out loud — about dictators and revenge. They tried to overthrow the government. Their nominee is a convicted felon. If you ask me, now is not the time to burn it down — it’s already on fire! Let’s try to put the fire out.
Give me an example of an American president whose foreign policy you agree with. I’ll give you mine: none. We back the worst people to maintain our lifestyle of debit cards, gasoline and ice cream cones, until they are no longer useful. (Think Noriega, Gaddafi, Saddam, etc.) And if we’re not supporting the worst people, we are actively being the worst people. (Think Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Vietnam, Cambodia, Chile, Panama, Afghanistan, Iraq, Honduras, etc.)
And any American who has ever filled up a gas tank is complicit.
Obama (I voted for him) presided over multiple wars at once. He didn’t prosecute the bankers. He didn’t prosecute the war criminals. He prosecuted the whistleblowers. And he watched the police beat the shit out of Occupy Wall Street. And I’m still glad he got elected, because his predecessor George W. Bush was worse. Obama is the only reason I have health insurance.
Your friends may say there comes a time when we must take a stand, and that that time is now! And that stand will be … electing Donald Trump? Have you heard the expression “cutting off your nose to spite your face”? Every left-leaning person should refamiliarize themselves with it.
Not participating is not an option. You will participate by choice now (voting), or you may be forced to “participate” at gunpoint. If monopolies continue to raise the rents, wages stay stagnant and AI replaces much of the workforce, many more Americans will end up homeless. And this country’s bought-and-paid-for politicians are in the process of criminalizing camping on public property. That’s the gunpoint I’m talking about — literal gunpoint.
We still have a system. It’s a flawed system, what’s left of a system — but it’s a system. Without it, we won’t have rights. We won’t have a justice system. No justice system, no recourse. Even libertarians will be begging — in vain — for government intervention.
Be careful what you wish for.
