Have you ever smoked pot? Taken mushrooms? How fast can you get from, say, Nissan stadium to Shotgun Willie’s BBQ? When was the last time you shot off fireworks inside the city limits? You have any uncles who make a mean moonshine? Did you ever mix sulfuric acid, hydrochloric acid and nitrogen in your garage in an effort to make blue pigment and only afterwards wonder if that was even legal to do?
Protests stall House subcommittee
Congratulations. You are well-equipped to live in Tennessee. Since Republicans are trying to make it illegal to “harbor or hide” someone who is undocumented, I would like to encourage you to think about people who harbor undocumented people as morally akin to people who speed. A thousand dollars? Yes, it’s a lot. But if your family has money set aside to pay for Cousin Joe when he inevitably gets drunk and tries to fight his ex’s new husband, your family can set aside money to pay for Cousin Joe when he gets caught sharing an apartment with his undocumented coworker.
Hell, young people with conservative parents, I would even take this as a good excuse for premarital sex. You’re not screwing around with that cute Irish bartender who has overstayed their visa. You’re harboring them in your bed and hiding them under you. It’s your moral duty to break unjust laws.
You’ll be unsurprised to learn that this bill is sponsored by Sen. Brent Taylor (R-Memphis), who is quickly becoming my favorite evildoer in the whole state. It’s not just because his personal style is so clearly based on that one Nazi from Indiana Jones, but also because he is so silly. He’s out here “protecting” us from “radical leftists” who are protesting Tesla dealerships. He’s regularly trying to take over Memphis. And, by God, you can bet that if someone even so much as thinks a kind thought about an undocumented person, Taylor will be on the case. His motto should be “To comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted.”
The Republican state senator said 'heaven has an immigration policy.' So I called up hell to ask a few questions.
Listen, you should have as much regard for the law as these Republicans do, which is to say, not much. I was joking about how taking undocumented people into your bed is your moral duty, but I’m not joking about it being your moral duty to break unjust laws. It is.
You think the people who hid Anne Frank’s family were wrong to do so? Of course not. You think the white church ladies who sat next to the Black kids trying to eat at Nashville's lunch counters were wrong to do so? Of course not. You think Juanita Brazier was wrong for running a gay bar or wrong for bailing out her customers when they were arrested? Hell no. Shit y’all, we’re in a state that wants to make it so that an old man with prostate issues going into the one-seat women’s bathroom at a gas station because the men’s is full is on the wrong side of the law. Is he wrong?
I know you are used to breaking the law. You speed. You drink from the mason jar someone took out of the freezer at the party. You might smoke whatever someone is passing around. And do we even need to talk about your taxes? That’s some creativity there, I’ll say. So hide people if they need hiding. Harbor people who need refuge. Pay no attention to the people troubling no one in the bathroom.
And laugh at Brent Taylor, who seems to think that if he can be mean enough and tough enough, no one will notice that he has curdled milk where his soul should be. We can all tell, Brent. We can all tell.
