Otherwise known as “Wynonnaphobia”
Earlier in the year, in an advertisement for upcoming summer movies, The Tennessean announced the Sylvester Stallone action flick Judge Dredd as “Judd Dreed.” The title was changed a few pages later to “Judd Dread.”
We were awarded a Badge of Dishonor.
In a colossal blunder, the Scene accidentally identified a photograph of Metro Asst. Police Chief Emmett Turner in a cutline as Lt. Luther Hunter. To compound the screw-up, the two black officers were misidentified in an article on race relations in the Metro Police Department.
The reporter’s brain has just left the building
In an article on this year’s Southern Festival of Books, The Tennessean’s Sylvia Slaughter apparently confused the award-winning Elvis Presley biographer Peter Guralnick with another panelist. Readers were puzzled to find the extremely American Guralnick identified as “an Elvis impersonator, who lived in East Germany. He went over the wall, and didn’t find out Elvis was from the South until he moved to the States. He thought Elvis was from Germany.” Guralnick was said to be amused by the mistake. Not so amused was Tennessee Humanties Council director Robert Cheatham—to whom Slaughter attributed the misinformation.
The “P”stands for “Pucker Up”
When Dick Clark Productions was looking for a new host for TNN’s Music City Tonight, WSIX disc jockey Carl P. Mayfield subtly announced his candidacy for the position in R & R Magazine. When asked whom he would invite to a fantasy dinner, Mayfield responded with four guests: the show’s producer, the producer’s son, the show’s executive producer—and Mayfield’s lawyer.
Next Week: Five students from the Society of Christian Athletes discuss “What Hanukkah means to them”
To find out the opinions of Nashville teenagers, a Banner reporter asked kids at Hillwood High School what they thought of the O.J. Simpson trial. The views were somewhat diverse, which was surprising—the reporter somehow failed to interview a single black student.
Chucked Barry
The Banner became a nationwide laughingstock after features editor Tim Ghianni (who described himself as “not a very funny human being”) refused on grounds of taste to run a column by humorist Dave Barry, who discussed a Chinese man who lifts weights with his privates. In his nationally syndicated follow-up column, Barry not only ridiculed the Banner’s decision but invited readers to mail the paper packaged gophers. He also told fans that if they subscribed that day, “the Banner will give you, free of charge, a house.”
We couldn’t get Frank Sinatra—but we found Hank Sinatra!
For its grand opening last spring, Media Play sent out a press release announcing a prime roster of celebrity guests for the weekend, including Shania Twain, Kathy Mattea, Sammy Kershaw, Hal Ketchum and Sawyer Brown. A few days later, the store sent another release revising the grand-opening roster somewhat. Instead of Twain, Mattea and company, the guest list would consist of such luminaries as Bubba James Hudson, Brotey Johnson, and the Boley Creek Band.
Next Year: The Hager Twins in Porgy and Bess!
In an attempt to draw new audiences, Nashville Opera’s production of Die Fledermaus featured George Lindsey, along with ads that announced “Goober Goes Opera!” One wag called the production “Die Fledermaus: With a Vengeance.”
It’s the station that blows
On two cloudless days in March, WTVF-Channel 5’s weather alert system signaled viewers that the Nashville area was under a tornado warning.
However, she did list show times, admission prices and next of kin
Supporters of the Nashville theater community wrote The Tennessean questioning the paper’s decision to run Clara Hieronymus’ theater reviews on the obituaries page—especially after Hieronymus reviewed the play Death Knocks.
They said it wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t been looking for Clara’s theater reviews
Middle Tennessee officers busted the members of a $1 million burglary ring that apparently found its victims by reading obituaries. The crooks would note funeral times and estate sales and then clear the empty homes of valuable antiques.
He’s a block...head
Former contemporary Christian singer Michael English shocked a Summer Lights audience by singing a song he said he couldn’t do in church: the Commodores’ raunchy hit “Brickhouse.” (“She’s a brick...house.”) The performance was greeted with responses ranging from laughter to scattered boos.
Bad living triumphs again
A Nutri-System office located in a Bellevue strip mall closed down this year—only to be replaced with a Dairy Queen.
Is that a mic in your hand, or are you just glad to see me?
Rising country star Ty Herndon was arrested in a Fort Worth park on charges of public indecency and possession of a controlled substance after he allegedly began masturbating in front of a male undercover officer. The arrest came only 90 minutes before Herndon was supposed to perform before a convention of state police chiefs.
From Moby Dick to Captain Rehab
Although Herndon issued statements that the incident was a mix-up that occurred when he went to “take a leak,” he quickly checked into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. His fans breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t gay, just addicted to drugs.
London and Nashville—They go together like Charles and Diana
Despite approximately $16 million spent by state and local sources on airport renovations and overseas promotion, American Airlines canceled its daily direct flights from Nashville to London. While more than 90,000 people traveled the route, American was frustrated by the lack of lucrative first-class customers and full-fare business sales.
The cops read him his rights and slapped little plastic handcuffs on him
James Edward Summar, 18, was charged in June with breaking into a Drakes Creek Park concessions stand and stealing peanuts and Cracker Jacks.
Days of swine and poses
A $5 plastic pig was finally returned to Metro schoolteacher Kathy Lee after it disappeared from her front porch 19 months earlier. Ever since the pig vanished, Lee periodically received anonymous photos of the pig in various locations—in the cockpit of a plane, on Elvis Presley’s grave, in front of a barbecue restaurant, on the hood of a state trooper’s car and as the subject of a GlamourShots beauty makeover. In addition, three records credited to the pig arrived in the mail, and Lee even sighted the pig in a Jeff Foxworthy video.
Hey, how come Ty Herndon didn’t think of that?
Drummers who met in Centennial Park last summer were told by park officials and Metro police to beat it. The park rangers and police said that the crowd of some 60 onlookers was too large to qualify as a spontaneous gathering. The drummers responded that they should be allowed their right to peaceful assembly as members of an “informal drum circle.”
The rejected slogan was “Birmingham—Last Waffle House for Two Exits!”
To bolster tourism, an Alabama advertising firm placed a billboard near I-65 North outside Birmingham reading, “Stay in Birmingham. Nashville is ‘closed for repairs.’ ”
It made a nice doorstop
In East Tennessee, scientists from the radiological health division of the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation investigated the trail of a leaking container of radioactive material—which was purchased at a yard sale.
In all other respects, however, the honeymoon was a success
After eight days of marriage, Irma Lee Swafford of Ooltewah, Tenn., was charged with aggravated assault for blowing off her husband’s jaw with a Magnum .44. According to Irma Lee, her husband, Paul Swafford, had threatened to put her poodle, Taffy, outside in the same pen with his Rottweiler.
As long as he was there, he decided to take out theft insurance
In Columbia, an armed bandit burst into an insurance office and was surprised to learn from two employees that the building no longer housed the First Citizens Bank, which had relocated six months earlier.
At least they matched his face
George Harvey was nabbed by Metro police just a few minutes after the robbery of the Third National Bank branch on Gallatin Road. Harvey was found walking a few blocks away from the scene of the crime with wads of cash stuffed in his pocket—and his hands and coat stained red from a dye bomb.
This is your brain on drugs
As he appeared in Williamson County Juvenile Court on charges of marijuana possession, 18-year-old Steve Henderson removed his coat and tried to hand it to his father. When court officials seized the coat and searched it, they found another bag of marijuana.
The gift that keeps on giving
Brenda Hernandez, the Smithville mother who received a “gift car” from generous Middle Tennesseans after her 8-year-old son was blinded in a shooting accident, made headlines again a month later. Police found Hernandez and a friend pushing the car down a street, out of gas. When they stopped her, Hernandez responded by rolling the gift car into the police car.
Go ahead, make my breakfast
Johnny Meeks, operator of Johnny’s Big Burger in Clarksville, used a spatula to overpower a would-be robber who entered his restaurant at 3 a.m., jumped over the lunch counter and put a semiautomatic pistol to Meeks’ head. Meeks, who had been cooking, whacked the intruder with his spatula and wrested the gun away.
Match each quote with the person who said it:
1. “Oh, shit.”
2. “Well, shit.”
3. “It sucked.”
4. “I was just carrying on with a bunch of foolishness.”
5. “And now, a real-life Hansel-and-Gretel story.”
6. “[I’ll tell you everything] if you’ll just get this son of a bitch off me!”
7. “It’s a bomb.”
8. “They don’t listen to the Mavericks. To hell with ’em. We won.”
9. “Mayor, I was one of about 10 victims of your money in the recent election, and I just want to say that I think it was as bad as anything Fate Thomas or Ray Blanton ever did.”
10. “As you know, I think you did a very poor job as sheriff. I thought you were very difficult to deal with and was not looking forward to the prospect of dealing with you on the Metro Council.”
A. David M. Vaughn, who was arrested for trying to mail a fake bomb full of grass clippings to Sharon Stone
B. Raul Malo of the Mavericks, making a tongue-in-cheek comment about his fellow Group of the Year nominees—who didn’t laugh—at the CMA Awards
C. WTVF anchor Chris Clark, sensitively introducing a story about a woman who tried to murder her child in an oven
D. Irate caller Hank Hillin, berating Mayor Phil Bredesen on a WLAC radio call-in show last fall
E. Irate WLAC radio call-in show guest Mayor Phil Bredesen, responding to irate caller Hank Hillin
F. Tennessean editor Frank Sutherland, upon learning that a Tennessean music writer had been doing PR work for bands he was plugging in the paper
G. Republican Sixth District Congressional candidate Steve Gill, telling a Banner reporter how it felt to lose to Bart Gordon in the 1994 election
H. Former Metro Councilman Ludye Wallace on live TV, summing up his feelings about losing his re-election campaign to Julius Sloss
J. Tiptonville attorney John E. Vaughn, explaining why he was shooting the windows of the Lake County Courthouse with a BB gun
K. An unnamed robber to police in Franklin County’s Centennial Grocery, where the 61-year-old owner, George Reid, clobbered the would-be thief with a deer rifle until the gun fell apart and the cops arrived
Answers: 1-F; 2-H; 3-G; 4-J; 5-C; 6-K; 7-A; 8-B; 9-D; 10-E.
It’s not just a job—it’s an adventure
WTVF’s Larry Brinton reported that former Mayor Bill Boner was working part-time delivering magazines and ad packages—for The Tennessean.
They could start by not becoming lawyers
The Vanderbilt Bar Association was banned from the Parthenon after the group held a wild and drunken party, during which law students violated the building’s no-smoking policy and covered the floor with spilled alcohol. One student urinated on the wall behind a sculpture, while another accidentally slugged a custodian while flailing about uncontrollably. Afterward, the students offered to perform service work to make amends.
And thus the new football coach was selected
More than 500,000 starlings infested the Vanderbilt campus, leading the university to drive the undesirable birds away with percussion cannons. At one point, the hailstorm of droppings was so fierce that students were forced to walk under umbrellas; those without umbrellas were pelted mercilessly.
Become a judge and write your own ticket
Judge Penny Harrington summarily dismissed seven parking tickets against herself, then paid the fines after her actions became public.
They call him ‘Penny Pincher’
Roofing contractor Frank Barrett filed suit against Judge Harrington, alleging that she “stalked” and harassed him after he uncovered court records showing that Harrington had dismissed parking tickets against herself. Barrett began researching the records after Harrington fined him in 1994 for failing to get building permits before he began work on roof repair projects.
Midnight in the Garden of Dumb and Dumber
Former State Appeals Court Judge Charles Galbreath made headlines when a female “hitchhiker” he picked up one morning on Eighth Avenue North turned out to be a transvestite hooker, who robbed him of $20 before he could call Metro police. Galbreath told The Tennessean that although the passenger, Lamont E. Hayes, offered him sex for money, he refused because “she was too damn ugly.”
They were mad because Charles Galbreath kept asking to be frisked
Mayor Phil Bredesen was forced to man a metal detector in the main lobby of the Metro Courthouse after security guards from the Wackenhut Corporation walked off the job.
Apparently, the judge didn’t pass the bar
Retired General Sessions Judge E. Gale Robinson, who presided over thousands of DUI cases in his 20 years on the bench, was found to have a blood-alcohol reading of .28 at the time of his death in a car crash last March.
And all caskets will come equipped with The Club
A joyrider jumped into a hearse that was running outside the Smith Funeral Home in Germantown—apparently unaware that a casket containing the body of Wesley Little was inside the vehicle. Two hours later, the hearse was found abandoned and undamaged in East Nashville, and Mr. Little’s remains arrived in Alabama in time for the funeral that afternoon. “From now on,” said funeral home proprietor Henry Smith, “we will be more cautious and take the keys out.”
And you don’t want to know where the corn on the cob has been either
Hidden cameras for ABC-TV’s PrimeTime Live captured a variety of health-code violations in Nashville chain restaurants, including Wendy’s, Shoney’s, Denny’s and Pizza Hut. Among the gag-inducing footage: a cashier scratching her crotch and then returning a customer’s money; an employee scooping a fly out of some strawberry sauce on a Wendy’s salad bar; another Wendy’s employee licking his fingers to peel apart cheese slices; and cockroach traps planted on a salad bar.
It sounds disgusting—but I swear it tastes like chicken!
In the same PrimeTime Live broadcast, a Denny’s employee proudly displayed a sandwich bag containing a dead rat, which he said he caught in the restaurant.
Friends, does your meringue taste different lately?
The PrimeTime Live cameras recorded a Shoney’s employee repeatedly sticking her fingers into a customer’s dessert and licking them.
So he went into the kitchen and licked somebody’s dessert
Former Shoney’s CEO Ray Danner offered to return to his old post for $1 a year to help the floundering company. His offer was refused by the company’s board of directors.
The Bellevue Pizza Hut—where your pizza gets tossed twice
After a four-year history of health-code violations, the Bellevue Pizza Hut on Hwy. 70 S. lost its license and was closed for three days this fall. In May, the restaurant received a four-page list of violations, including dead bugs on the light shield, an uncovered bait station near the hand sink, and sausage, ham and bacon stored at unsafe temperatures. In addition, a family complained of nausea after eating one of the restaurant’s stuffed-crust pepperoni pizzas.
Sounds like a Bellevue pizza to us!
More than 45 customers returned ground beef to a Kroger store in Smyrna after a batch of beef sold at the store in May was found to be contaminated with E. coli bacteria.
The sheriff gave it two thumbs up —way up!
Lebanon businessman Dewey Lineberry filed a $15 million lawsuit against Sheriff Terry Ashe, alleging that Ashe had allowed friends to view videotapes of Lineberry having sex with several women. The tapes, which Lineberry made without the women’s knowledge, had been confiscated as evidence in a lawsuit by the four women.
Now they’re engaged in litigation
Douglas Grindstaff sued his ex-fiancée, Victoria Jackson, over a 5-carat, $60,000 engagement ring that Jackson refused to return after their engagement was broken off. Jackson filed a counterclaim alleging a breach of promise by Grindstaff that cost her $42,000 in relocation expenses.
He shouldn’t have asked them to heat up his McNuggets
John Mulvey of Nashville sued McDonald’s, alleging that an employee of the restaurant chain accidentally poured scalding hot coffee on his groin while attempting to hand a large cup to him at a drive-up window. Mulvey, who suffered second-degree burns on his penis, testicles and inner thigh, claimed that the employee ran from the window when he began screaming in pain. When Mulvey went inside to ask for help, the manager told him to go to the men’s room because he was disturbing other customers.
If he wins, he’s taking the entire jury to the Bellevue Pizza Hut
U.S. Rep. Harold Ford initiated an $18 million lawsuit against Northwest Airlines and an airline caterer, claiming that sharp fragments in his in-flight meal gashed his mouth, lip and throat and caused him to choke.
He can use the money to complete his doctorate in brain surgery
James David Haley of Triune sued his parents for $250,000, claiming that he had suffered extreme burns due to their negligence. Haley thought he was pouring a can of motor oil over a brushpile, but when he lit the pile he discovered the can actually contained gasoline.
The inmates are running the asylum
Citing the state’s failure to improve conditions at the controversial Arlington Developmental Center, U.S. District Judge Jon McCalla sentenced Tennessee mental health commissioner Marjorie Nelle Cardwell to spend every fourth weekend at the facility.
Unfortunately, they were already serving in the state Senate
According to a Banner report, early ballots for the September Metro mayoral election included votes for five promising write-in candidates: Moe, Curly, Larry, Joe, and “Shrimp” Stooge.
It was three more than he would have gotten in 1992
Other write-in mayoral candidates reported in the Banner included “Forrest Grump,” WLAC disc jockey Phil Valentine, Peaches Simpkins, Drue Smith, Police Chief Bob Kirchner, the late Beverly Briley, and Mickey Mouse. Weighing in with three write-in votes for mayor: the man for whom this contest is named, one-time mayor, congressman, pallet manufacturer, radio host and delivery boy Bill Boner.
Citizens caned
State legislators Doug Gunnels, Tommy Haun and Howard Kerr introduced legislation that would punish vandals, burglars and flag-burners with public caning on courthouse steps. Under the bill, misdemeanor violators would receive one to four lashes, while felons would receive up to 15, in addition to their jail terms and fines.
Just edging out Speaker Jimmy Naifeh
The Tennessee House of Representatives voted to make the Tennessee cave salamander the official state amphibian and the box turtle the official state reptile.
:He’s lucky—last year they made someone squeal like a pig
In March, Tim Burchett, a rookie state representative from Knoxville, read his first bill on the floor of the House—a bill that would allow Tennessee drivers to order customized license plates bearing the logo of the University of Georgia, Burchett’s alma mater. No sooner had Burchett read the bill, though, than fellow legislators bombarded the bill with joke amendments—including one requiring Burchett to howl like a Georgia bulldog on the House floor.
They turned beer into whine
One of the year’s biggest controversies erupted when it was discovered that the designers of the new downtown arena had situated the facility only 85 feet from First Baptist Church. Since Metro ordinances require that beer cannot be sold within 100 feet of a house of worship, church leaders unsuccessfully protested that the arena should be a dry venue.
Put your sweet lips a little closer to the floor
Janet Anne Sanders, the wife of Oak Ridge Boy Steve Sanders, was charged with aggravated assault for allegedly attacking Sanders’ ex-wife, Mary Sanders, and pounding her face into the floor of a Hendersonville FoodMax. The trouble started when Mary Sanders won a child-support judgment against her ex-husband. She told The Tennessean that Janet Sanders happened to see her shortly afterward in the FoodMax deli and shouted, “Look at the little wetback.” When the two began arguing, Janet reportedly straddled Mary and pounded her face repeatedly on the floor.
The charge was reduced to aggravated mopping
Janet Sanders’ attorney, G. Whitney Kemper, argued that since no one can pick up a floor and hit someone with it, the aggravated assault charge should be dropped. “Could it be said that an aggressor was armed with a ‘floor?’ Of course not,” Kemper reasoned. Prosecutor James D. Sledge suggested that the person “whose face is being pounded into that vinyl-over-concrete floor” might disagree.
It was a meeting of Alcoholics Unanimous
Six convicted drunk drivers in Newport, Tenn., were charged with public intoxication while they were all serving mandatory 48-hour DUI sentences at a National Guard Armory facility. One man slipped off to a nearby bar just one hour after reporting for detention, and three others were discovered sitting outside the lock-up drinking beer from plastic cups.
The tapes were filled with biblical knowledge
Two Tennessee video-store owners, who were acquitted of pornography charges, sued a Sullivan County detective for $3,000, claiming that the four tapes he rented to use as evidence were returned late. A court eventually awarded $64 to the store’s owners—whose names were Nancy and Charles Bible.
When towels are outlawed, only outlaws will have towels
Carlos Moles, an inmate being transported back to jail from the Williamson Medical Center, managed to escape in an official transport car after overpowering the driver. The weapon used in the escape: a towel, which Moles threw over the driver’s face while wrestling him out of the car.
They were sentenced to visit The Opry and meet Reba McEntire
Two obsessed Ohio country-music fans, 22-year-old Therisa Frasure and 16-year-old Mincey Meese, were charged with killing the 86-year-old owner of a Cincinnati boarding house and stealing $27 in a bizarre scheme to get to the Grand Ole Opry. The two women told police they planned to use the money to visit the Opry, take hostages, and force a backstage meeting with Reba McEntire.
I fought The Law, and The Law won.
On May 30, a car driven by Raya F. Nscheiwat was given a parking ticket at the Metro Airport. Instead of paying the ticket, which would have carried only a few dollars’ fine, Nschiewat tore up the ticket and threw it on the ground. A Metro Airport officer saw her and asked her to pick up the ticket. She refused. In response, the officer charged her with criminal littering and lack of obedience to a police officer. Nschiewat ended up paying a $500 bond on each count.
Not to mention rocks in his head
Marvin Powell of Springfield, Tenn., shot Barbara Lee, seriously wounding her, because he insisted that Lee had put a voodoo curse on him that had caused him to lose his job. When police arrested him, they found that, in hopes of warding off the curse, Powell had salt in one shoe and an onion in the other.
A human Gumby slips out of the pokey
Officers were left scratching their heads after James Robert Britt escaped from the Bledsoe County Jail in July by squeezing through an extremely small opening that led to the roof. To make himself thin enough to fit through the opening, Britt had cut down to one meal per day.
On the bright side, he’s lined up a new job with Charles Galbreath.
Carnell Bomar, a cross-dresser, was arrested in May for practicing nursing without a license at the Green Valley Nursing Home in Dickson County. Bomar, who as a woman uses the name Adrian Williams, posed as a female nurse at the facility, with the knowledge of his employers.
Announcing the future home of Vanderbilt athletics
The Metro Council passed a resolution to consider whether the old Bordeaux landfill site could be converted into amateur sports venues, including soccer fields, archery ranges and volleyball courts.
It was positively unfunny
A group of Southeastern and East Tennessee residents received an unwelcome piece of mail last summer: an envelope bearing the words “AIDS TEST RESULTS” and a letter informing the recipient that he needed to contact the local health department because he had tested positive for AIDS. The envelopes were found to be fake stationery purchased at flea markets and gag shops around the state.
He was testing the ol’ trickle-down theory, if you know what I mean.
Jerry Lee, assistant commissioner of the state Finance and Administration Department, was busted in a Dickerson Road prostitution sting on May 19, after an undercover Metro officer said Lee offered her $25 for sex.
But he still gave her a better deal than Jerry Lee
State Rep. Joe Bell was stripped of his House Agricultural Committee chairmanship after he was found to have offered to pay a secretary’s rent and car note in exchange for sex on a regular basis.
However, he still has a date with Tanya Tucker
A man claiming to be the son of Edward Gaylord, chairman of Gaylord Entertainment, strolled through Second Avenue nightspots cadging free drinks and telling wild stories, saying that he wanted to rent Cowboys LaCage for a birthday date with Tanya Tucker. The pot-bellied stranger, who called himself Dwayne Gaylord, was finally tossed out of the Wildhorse Saloon when someone remembered there was no such Gaylord son.
Thanks for the banana, Boss—want a cracker?
Murfreesboro Street Department Supervisor Jerry Alcorn was fired from his post last summer for repeated racial harassment of a black employee, James “Eddie” Crawford. According to other city workers, Alcorn referred to Crawford on several occasions as a monkey, and coworker Benny Davenport testified that Alcorn “tied a banana up on the heater and told Eddie to climb, climb up there and get that banana.”
And it was still the only cover story this year anybody read
In a fit of pique over what it considered disappointing entries, the Scene refused to award a first-place winner in the annual “You Are So Nashville If...” contest, even though nearly 1,000 entries were received.
The point was not well taken
In an indignant front-page story, the Banner reported that court-appointed attorney Larry Woods was being paid an exorbitant $1,214,500 by the state for representing convicted killer William Groseclose in his death-sentence appeal. Shortly afterward, the Banner sheepishly ran a front-page correction stating that Woods was actually being paid only $121,450 for three years’ work—the court filings had listed the decimal point in the wrong place.
Otherwise known as “Wynonnaphobia”
Earlier in the year, in an advertisement for upcoming summer movies, The Tennessean announced the Sylvester Stallone action flick Judge Dredd as “Judd Dreed.” The title was changed a few pages later to “Judd Dread.”
We were awarded a Badge of Dishonor.
In a colossal blunder, the Scene accidentally identified a photograph of Metro Asst. Police Chief Emmett Turner in a cutline as Lt. Luther Hunter. To compound the screw-up, the two black officers were misidentified in an article on race relations in the Metro Police Department.
The reporter’s brain has just left the building
In an article on this year’s Southern Festival of Books, The Tennessean’s Sylvia Slaughter apparently confused the award-winning Elvis Presley biographer Peter Guralnick with another panelist. Readers were puzzled to find the extremely American Guralnick identified as “an Elvis impersonator, who lived in East Germany. He went over the wall, and didn’t find out Elvis was from the South until he moved to the States. He thought Elvis was from Germany.” Guralnick was said to be amused by the mistake. Not so amused was Tennessee Humanties Council director Robert Cheatham—to whom Slaughter attributed the misinformation.
The “P”stands for “Pucker Up”
When Dick Clark Productions was looking for a new host for TNN’s Music City Tonight, WSIX disc jockey Carl P. Mayfield subtly announced his candidacy for the position in R & R Magazine. When asked whom he would invite to a fantasy dinner, Mayfield responded with four guests: the show’s producer, the producer’s son, the show’s executive producer—and Mayfield’s lawyer.
Next Week: Five students from the Society of Christian Athletes discuss “What Hanukkah means to them”
To find out the opinions of Nashville teenagers, a Banner reporter asked kids at Hillwood High School what they thought of the O.J. Simpson trial. The views were somewhat diverse, which was surprising—the reporter somehow failed to interview a single black student.
Chucked Barry
The Banner became a nationwide laughingstock after features editor Tim Ghianni (who described himself as “not a very funny human being”) refused on grounds of taste to run a column by humorist Dave Barry, who discussed a Chinese man who lifts weights with his privates. In his nationally syndicated follow-up column, Barry not only ridiculed the Banner’s decision but invited readers to mail the paper packaged gophers. He also told fans that if they subscribed that day, “the Banner will give you, free of charge, a house.”
We couldn’t get Frank Sinatra—but we found Hank Sinatra!
For its grand opening last spring, Media Play sent out a press release announcing a prime roster of celebrity guests for the weekend, including Shania Twain, Kathy Mattea, Sammy Kershaw, Hal Ketchum and Sawyer Brown. A few days later, the store sent another release revising the grand-opening roster somewhat. Instead of Twain, Mattea and company, the guest list would consist of such luminaries as Bubba James Hudson, Brotey Johnson, and the Boley Creek Band.
Next Year: The Hager Twins in Porgy and Bess!
In an attempt to draw new audiences, Nashville Opera’s production of Die Fledermaus featured George Lindsey, along with ads that announced “Goober Goes Opera!” One wag called the production “Die Fledermaus: With a Vengeance.”
It’s the station that blows
On two cloudless days in March, WTVF-Channel 5’s weather alert system signaled viewers that the Nashville area was under a tornado warning.
However, she did list show times, admission prices and next of kin
Supporters of the Nashville theater community wrote The Tennessean questioning the paper’s decision to run Clara Hieronymus’ theater reviews on the obituaries page—especially after Hieronymus reviewed the play Death Knocks.
They said it wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t been looking for Clara’s theater reviews
Middle Tennessee officers busted the members of a $1 million burglary ring that apparently found its victims by reading obituaries. The crooks would note funeral times and estate sales and then clear the empty homes of valuable antiques.
He’s a block...head
Former contemporary Christian singer Michael English shocked a Summer Lights audience by singing a song he said he couldn’t do in church: the Commodores’ raunchy hit “Brickhouse.” (“She’s a brick...house.”) The performance was greeted with responses ranging from laughter to scattered boos.
Bad living triumphs again
A Nutri-System office located in a Bellevue strip mall closed down this year—only to be replaced with a Dairy Queen.
Is that a mic in your hand, or are you just glad to see me?
Rising country star Ty Herndon was arrested in a Fort Worth park on charges of public indecency and possession of a controlled substance after he allegedly began masturbating in front of a male undercover officer. The arrest came only 90 minutes before Herndon was supposed to perform before a convention of state police chiefs.
From Moby Dick to Captain Rehab
Although Herndon issued statements that the incident was a mix-up that occurred when he went to “take a leak,” he quickly checked into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. His fans breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t gay, just addicted to drugs.
London and Nashville—They go together like Charles and Diana
Despite approximately $16 million spent by state and local sources on airport renovations and overseas promotion, American Airlines canceled its daily direct flights from Nashville to London. While more than 90,000 people traveled the route, American was frustrated by the lack of lucrative first-class customers and full-fare business sales.
The cops read him his rights and slapped little plastic handcuffs on him
James Edward Summar, 18, was charged in June with breaking into a Drakes Creek Park concessions stand and stealing peanuts and Cracker Jacks.
Days of swine and poses
A $5 plastic pig was finally returned to Metro schoolteacher Kathy Lee after it disappeared from her front porch 19 months earlier. Ever since the pig vanished, Lee periodically received anonymous photos of the pig in various locations—in the cockpit of a plane, on Elvis Presley’s grave, in front of a barbecue restaurant, on the hood of a state trooper’s car and as the subject of a GlamourShots beauty makeover. In addition, three records credited to the pig arrived in the mail, and Lee even sighted the pig in a Jeff Foxworthy video.
Hey, how come Ty Herndon didn’t think of that?
Drummers who met in Centennial Park last summer were told by park officials and Metro police to beat it. The park rangers and police said that the crowd of some 60 onlookers was too large to qualify as a spontaneous gathering. The drummers responded that they should be allowed their right to peaceful assembly as members of an “informal drum circle.”
The rejected slogan was “Birmingham—Last Waffle House for Two Exits!”
To bolster tourism, an Alabama advertising firm placed a billboard near I-65 North outside Birmingham reading, “Stay in Birmingham. Nashville is ‘closed for repairs.’ ”
It made a nice doorstop
In East Tennessee, scientists from the radiological health division of the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation investigated the trail of a leaking container of radioactive material—which was purchased at a yard sale.
In all other respects, however, the honeymoon was a success
After eight days of marriage, Irma Lee Swafford of Ooltewah, Tenn., was charged with aggravated assault for blowing off her husband’s jaw with a Magnum .44. According to Irma Lee, her husband, Paul Swafford, had threatened to put her poodle, Taffy, outside in the same pen with his Rottweiler.
As long as he was there, he decided to take out theft insurance
In Columbia, an armed bandit burst into an insurance office and was surprised to learn from two employees that the building no longer housed the First Citizens Bank, which had relocated six months earlier.
At least they matched his face
George Harvey was nabbed by Metro police just a few minutes after the robbery of the Third National Bank branch on Gallatin Road. Harvey was found walking a few blocks away from the scene of the crime with wads of cash stuffed in his pocket—and his hands and coat stained red from a dye bomb.
This is your brain on drugs
As he appeared in Williamson County Juvenile Court on charges of marijuana possession, 18-year-old Steve Henderson removed his coat and tried to hand it to his father. When court officials seized the coat and searched it, they found another bag of marijuana.
The gift that keeps on giving
Brenda Hernandez, the Smithville mother who received a “gift car” from generous Middle Tennesseans after her 8-year-old son was blinded in a shooting accident, made headlines again a month later. Police found Hernandez and a friend pushing the car down a street, out of gas. When they stopped her, Hernandez responded by rolling the gift car into the police car.
Go ahead, make my breakfast
Johnny Meeks, operator of Johnny’s Big Burger in Clarksville, used a spatula to overpower a would-be robber who entered his restaurant at 3 a.m., jumped over the lunch counter and put a semiautomatic pistol to Meeks’ head. Meeks, who had been cooking, whacked the intruder with his spatula and wrested the gun away.
Match each quote with the person who said it:
1. “Oh, shit.”
2. “Well, shit.”
3. “It sucked.”
4. “I was just carrying on with a bunch of foolishness.”
5. “And now, a real-life Hansel-and-Gretel story.”
6. “[I’ll tell you everything] if you’ll just get this son of a bitch off me!”
7. “It’s a bomb.”
8. “They don’t listen to the Mavericks. To hell with ’em. We won.”
9. “Mayor, I was one of about 10 victims of your money in the recent election, and I just want to say that I think it was as bad as anything Fate Thomas or Ray Blanton ever did.”
10. “As you know, I think you did a very poor job as sheriff. I thought you were very difficult to deal with and was not looking forward to the prospect of dealing with you on the Metro Council.”
A. David M. Vaughn, who was arrested for trying to mail a fake bomb full of grass clippings to Sharon Stone
B. Raul Malo of the Mavericks, making a tongue-in-cheek comment about his fellow Group of the Year nominees—who didn’t laugh—at the CMA Awards
C. WTVF anchor Chris Clark, sensitively introducing a story about a woman who tried to murder her child in an oven
D. Irate caller Hank Hillin, berating Mayor Phil Bredesen on a WLAC radio call-in show last fall
E. Irate WLAC radio call-in show guest Mayor Phil Bredesen, responding to irate caller Hank Hillin
F. Tennessean editor Frank Sutherland, upon learning that a Tennessean music writer had been doing PR work for bands he was plugging in the paper
G. Republican Sixth District Congressional candidate Steve Gill, telling a Banner reporter how it felt to lose to Bart Gordon in the 1994 election
H. Former Metro Councilman Ludye Wallace on live TV, summing up his feelings about losing his re-election campaign to Julius Sloss
J. Tiptonville attorney John E. Vaughn, explaining why he was shooting the windows of the Lake County Courthouse with a BB gun
K. An unnamed robber to police in Franklin County’s Centennial Grocery, where the 61-year-old owner, George Reid, clobbered the would-be thief with a deer rifle until the gun fell apart and the cops arrived
Answers: 1-F; 2-H; 3-G; 4-J; 5-C; 6-K; 7-A; 8-B; 9-D; 10-E.
It’s not just a job—it’s an adventure
WTVF’s Larry Brinton reported that former Mayor Bill Boner was working part-time delivering magazines and ad packages—for The Tennessean.
