Like many of you, I’ve watched the video of probable future governor, and current U.S. Sen. Marsha Blackburn, running away from NewsChannel 5’s Ben Hall. It's like they were doing some modern version of The Wizard of Oz in which Hall plays Toto and Blackburn, the Wizard, is trying to get away after the curtain’s been pulled open — before Dorothy’s polycule spots her and starts asking hard questions.
Y’all, what is going on here? I know — I know we’re supposed to believe that President Trump wanted her to stay in the Senate, but alas she’s determined to be governor of Tennessee. Trump straight-up said: “Unfortunately she’s running for governor for Tennessee. I’d love her not to — I begged her. I said, ‘Marsha, we don’t want to lose you in the Senate,’ but I have to say they’re lucky — they’re lucky to get you because you are a talent and a great person, and you’ve been with me all the way. And I appreciate it, and you’re a very special person.”
But these are not the actions of a person who wants to be governor! People who want to be governor talk to the media. They meet and talk to potential voters. They have discernable platforms that differentiate them from other candidates in the field that they talk about all the time. They attempt to seem nice and relatable. They are enthusiastic about the prospect of being governor.
What we’re getting instead is a candidate who doesn’t talk to anyone who’s not carefully vetted — anyone who might possibly disagree with her. We're getting someone who flies off the handle when people say things that she doesn’t like (which, in the case of her going full Karen on Charlie Kirk critics, has now cost Tennessee taxpayers millions of dollars), and who runs away from reporters. Strip everything else away: When someone is grouchy and half-assing it, it’s usually because they don’t want to be doing it.
The senator and gubernatorial candidate has called for the dismissal of several professors who were critical of Charlie Kirk
But honestly, who else is going to be governor? Her fellow Republican candidate, U.S. Rep. John Rose, has the charisma of a thumb. If anyone in his orbit had any brains, they would have run his wife Chelsea instead. In Rose's ads, she comes across just as conservative as him, but better spoken and more at ease talking to the public.
I was thinking that maybe we could get some kind of mobile curtain system, or an elaborate ornate cabinet, and Blackburn could conceal herself inside and then open the thing, slip her hand out, and give written pronouncements to her spokesperson and the cabinet. Or the curtain could go out and do public events. Or maybe she could just go straight for the Wizard of Oz and puppet some contraption that projects a giant head everyone cowers before. And if it was someone else in the contraption while Blackburn was running errands or something, would it really be that bad?
I don’t like Marsha Blackburn, but I’m not going to take that much pleasure in watching her spend at least four miserable years back on the farm team instead of up in the big leagues. I will take some pleasure, but not that much. It sucks for her that she’s being demoted and she’s acting like it. And it’s kind of a hollow victory for women to finally end up with a female governor only for her to be giving some indication that she’s being forced into it.
But Tennessee Republicans, you have another option. There is a Tennessean who everyone likes, who seems like a fine person, and who — we all have recently learned — apparently runs in Trump’s circles. That’s right. Nate Bargatze.
Pros: He’s got time. His movie came and went. Things are awkward on the comedy scene for him at the moment. He could use something to do while people forget about what a weird, tough summer it’s been for him. He’s comfortable in front of crowds. Look at the crowds who go to see him do stand-up. He doesn’t seem stiff or brittle. He can’t suck more than any other Republican candidate for governor.
Con: The filing deadline has passed, so he’d have to be a write-in candidate, and I’ve had to check twice how to spell Bargatze while writing this sentence, which — please note — is not even the first time I used his name in this column. I don’t know how we all would manage at the touch screen.
Solution: A catchy song. Think of how many of us know how to spell Mickey Mouse, encyclopedia, “be aggressive,” bananas, divorce and respect because they're in a catchy song. Someone in this town can get the whole state spelling B-A-R-G-A-T-Z-E with ease.
Think of how amazing the State of the State address would be when given by someone with comedic timing! Bargatze genuinely likes Nashville. That’s already more than most Republican leadership can say.
And sure, he’s given no indication that he wants the job. But I ask you: Has Blackburn? Really?
