Lower Broadway in 2021
After last week’s column — wherein I was, yet again, talking about the tension between wanting to be good hosts to the tourists who come here and the massive resentment that’s built up here in town because so many of the tourists are assholes — I got a lot of people asking me what we can do about this. Good question. Hell if I know.
But maybe it’s useful to think about why this is such a hard question to answer. First, obviously, tourism plays an important part in our economy, and people coming to Nashville and liking it is awesome and benefits us. So the problem isn’t How can we get these people to stay away? It’s How do we get them to not suck while they’re here?
The second big factor is that any legal steps we take to fix the situation will immediately be met by people who don’t like that legal remedy running to the state legislature to get it undone.
Last week, the Metro Council rejected signage for Wallen's bar, citing the country superstar's reckless behavior
OK, time out. I don’t want to get too off-track, but did you all see that MNPD Deputy Chief Chris Gilder allegedly received an award from other police officers for getting the state legislature to defang the Community Oversight Board? An award for undermining Nashville’s efforts to improve the city and to increase trust between communities and the police? According to this Scene story by Eli Motycka, MNPD Chief John Drake is promising an investigation into the complaints that led to the revelation of Gilder getting this award. I’m not a detective, but dude, start by looking at Gilder’s desk to see if the — and I’m quoting the Nashville Banner here now — “small, engraved crystal trophy to mark his apparent accomplishments in reducing outside accountability for Nashville police” is sitting there? In Chief Drake’s statement, he says: “Mr. Davidson [the whistleblower] did not bring any complaint to me, or, I am told, the Director of the Office of Professional Accountability, prior to his resignation.” Really, someone didn’t feel safe telling the person handing out awards for secretly rewriting rules they don’t like that people in the police department were secretly rewriting rules they don’t like? Golly. I can’t understand why this would be.
And when the Nashville police came to the state legislature and were all, “Hey, can you help us undermine the very city that pays our salaries so that we’re less accountable to them?” state legislators were like, “This is fine. Sure. Why should the people policed by the police and who pay for that policing have any oversight of that policing?” I wonder how many Republican politicians in our state who spent the weekend complaining about Trump’s arrest and trial being some kind of overreaching witch hunt are the same folks who let our police bend the rule of law to suit them.
Extensive complaint says officials ignored department policy, manipulated investigations, lied about reforms and helped pass a law gutting the Community Oversight Board
Anyway, what all that has to do with tourists is: We have to come up with some fixes that don’t involve legislation, because all the people who prefer to not be beholden to the city will just run to the state legislature and get things fixed back to how they like them.
If we can’t change the rules, then we need to change the culture. We need to set expectations and reward good behavior. In other words, we need to start exerting some heavy peer pressure here. To that end, I have some ideas. They are corny ideas, but corny ideas tend to stick in people’s heads.
Everyone respects Dolly Parton, and her persona is that of a friendly person who’s not running around town acting like a drunken dingus. So what if we put up signs on the interstate coming into town and at the arrival gates at the airport that say: “Welcome to Nashville. Make Dolly Proud.” You think Dolly is going to be proud if you get so drunk you barf down the front of a stranger? No. You think Dolly is going to be proud if you are shouting racial slurs at your bartender? No. Is it respectful of Dolly and this place she loves to run around acting like, because you have money, you get to treat people however you like? No. So let’s start out by setting an expectation that coming here and being pleasant to have as a guest is the vibe we want from everyone.
Then we ask Toby Keith’s estate for help. We know that some of the most terrible trouble people get into downtown happens when they are separated from their group. We need to encourage tourists to keep an eye on their friends. We do PSAs that, instead of “Who’s Your Daddy?” say “Let’s cut a deal. Let’s make a plan. Where’s your daddy? Where’s your baby? Where’s your buddy? Where’s your man?” and just encourage tourists to do a visual check to make sure that they know where the people they came with are. It’s an incredibly catchy tune, and if we make it a fun game to know where your group is, maybe people will stick together.
I also think we should start treating the Morgan Wallen situation with the gravity it deserves. Maybe we should have addressed this back when it was the Kid Rock situation or the John Rich situation or even the Hank Williams Jr. situation. I’ve cribbed some strategies from the Great Smoky Mountains National Park so that we can make some signs and flyers with the following useful information to ensure tourist safety.
What Do I Do If I See a Drunken Celebrity?
Celebrities in Nashville are wild, and their behavior can be unpredictable. Although extremely rare, attacks inflicting serious injuries and death have occurred. Treat celebrity encounters with extreme caution.
If you see a drunken celebrity:
- Remain watchful.
- Do not approach them.
- Do not allow the celebrity to approach you.
- If the celebrity is at a distance, feeding, or walking by and notices you but continues its natural behavior, no action is needed on your part. Proceed while continuing to observe the drunken celebrity.
- If your presence causes the drunken celebrity to change his behavior, you are too close.
- Being too close may promote aggressive behavior from the celebrity, such as running toward you, making loud noises, or swatting the ground. The celebrity is demanding more space. Don’t run, but slowly back away, watching the celebrity. Increase distance between you and the celebrity. The celebrity will probably do the same.
Y’all, I think this could work. Encouraging tourists to act like guests at Dolly’s place, to keep an eye on each other, and to keep their own safety front-of-mind could make them easier to miss when they go home. And that would improve things around here considerably.
