Christo, the artist whose latest outdoor art project "The Gates" is an installation of 7,500 bright orange plastic gates throughout New York's Central Park, may be "disinvited" to use Nashville public spaces for an upcoming installation, after city officials learned the specifics of the project.

"It's outhouses," a disgusted mayoral aide said after a briefing by Christo's assistant, Jesuso, who met with officials Monday. " I don't believe it. He wants to put a hundred plastic outhouses all over the city."

Christo is known for his abstract outdoor artistic works, which have included surrounding small Caribbean islands with blue plastic sheets and wrapping Berlin's Reichstag in white plastic sheets.

When talks began several years ago, officials naturally assumed that the artist would pick a local landmark—the Parthenon or Ryman Auditorium—and wrap it in plastic sheets. When word of Christo's interest in Music City leaked out in 2002, local politicians and the arts community lauded it as a major coup for Nashville, a sign the city was recognized as a major player in the art world.

That was before anybody knew what Christo had in mind for Nashville.

According to a source who heard Jesuso's description of Christo's intentions, the artist plans to fabricate 100 plastic faux outhouses and place them all over the city, including on college campuses, in malls, and even in a church building.

"Christo sees this as deeply meaningful," Jesuso explained. "The ubiquity of the outhouses is a symbol of how tied we all are to the earth and to our bodily needs."

While not necessarily disagreeing with the artistic symbolism, Mayor Bill Purcell says he is not in support of the project.

"A hundred outhouses is not what we had in mind," Purcell says. "We all know that everybody goes to the bathroom, and we don't need a bunch of reminders all over the city of that. I've seen the portable potties at Riverfront Park on the Fourth of July, and I don't think they're all that artistic either."

(The Fabricator is satire. Don't believe everything you read.)

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