Nashville Nightmare
Chainsaws. Fog. Strobe lights and screams. It's that time of the year again, as haunted house season revs up again in Middle Tennessee. Celebrating the art of a good scare, the haunted attraction industry caters to thrill seekers looking to trade the mundane for the macabre. A great haunted house is a one-of-a-kind immersive experience that brings us face to face with our fears, in ways even classic horror movies just can't do. It's one thing to see Leatherface onscreen; it's quite another to hear the ripping teeth and smell the burning oil.
Because of the nature of the industry, which jealously guards new attractions and star exhibits, those choosing among the area's many haunted houses must rely on the opinions of friends and customer reviews. Not me. I took to the night to round up some of the most gut-ripping, gore-gushing, hair-whitening experiences the Middle Tennessee area has to offer. Ranking the haunts based on scariness, acting, making, costumes, production design, time, price, ingenuity, lighting, sound and novelty factors, I've assembled a list of dark amusements so would-be patrons have a better understanding of what fate awaits.
I've still got several more to check out, and I'll be posting reviews on the Scene's blog Country Life as Halloween approaches. In the meantime, here are numerous doors of death competing for your blood-spattered dollar. Are they worth it? Let's turn the key and see ...
[UPDATE, Oct. 24: Reviews added of Creepy Hollow Haunted Woods, Millers Thrillers Haunted Woods, Slaughterhouse and Meyers Creek Haunted Wood.]
[UPDATE, Oct. 31: Reviews added of Bloody Acres Haunted Woods, Clarksville Zombie Hunters and Scream Creek Haunted Woods.]
Nashville Nightmare
1016 Madison Square
Madison, TN 37115
Price: $17 single admission, $25 combo ticket
Grade: A+
Brad Webb's behemoth haunt experience is a double-header of fright. It's a top-notch production, with makeup and monsters of a caliber you'd expect at Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.
Nashville Nightmare has two haunts once again this year, and they've brought back an old classic some may remember: "Horror High." Trekking through the remains of the Madison Square High School, you actually feel like you're wandering the haunted halls of one ghoulish school. Some great trap scares with actors and an overall sheen of movie-studio professionalism make it a must this year.
The sets of "Night Terrors" are just as convincing, with a collapsed roof of a cathedral, a dragon's chamber, and a crypt all providing a believable atmosphere. There are also several "giant" monsters returning from last year, some used more effectively this time around. The performers here take their cadaverous work seriously, and maintaining that level of intensity over 25,000 square feet is truly impressive.
Nashville Nightmare runs like a well-oiled machine. It will continue to be a top dog in the haunt race as its evil empire grows.
Death Yard Haunted Attraction
118 Midtown Court
Hendersonville, TN 37075
Grade: A
With an eye for production design and a yen for authenticity, the Death Yard Dark Amusements crew have put together a convincing and ultimately nerve-jangling haunt. Taking over the old Gore House location, Death Yard has expanded on an already great space and made it more thrilling. The use of tripwires and confined spaces effectively gets your heart rate up and makes you more susceptible to the scares the house has in store.
There's nothing weak here. Some parts of the experience are meant to lull you in, such as the fortune teller's set or the "Vampir Cabaret." Other parts — e.g., the Nazi zombies, the "sin" room — work in tandem to keep you on your toes. These folks are putting the "care" in "scare," and not holding anything back.
Death Yard Haunted Attraction is a monstrous hybrid of novelty and finesse. There's a level of forward-thinking with the whole setup, including their audiovisual display and the Death Yard Haunted Attraction app.
Hats off to Carroll Moore and company for setting a trend that will soon be the standard.
Creepy Hollow Haunted Woods
2133 Joe Brown Rd
Spring Hill, TN 37174
Price: $20
Grade: B+
Creepy Hollow, you were so close. Only a handful of things keep this from an “A” — a few scares that were off, a few reminders the dated and hokier traditions of the fall. Otherwise, this haunt takes its sweet time with its prey. The Haunted Barn is unfathomably large inside, and when added to 10-acre Trails of Terror and a Haunted Maze, you're in for a long ride.
There are some slick tricks that really get in customers' faces, creating an ongoing sense of dread. These were clearly put together by seasoned psychos for a partially interactive and fully enjoyable time. Factor in an onslaught of spooks and startles, and Creepy Hollow wins bonus points for keeping groups small enough to feel isolated.
An unpredictable threat lurking in the shadows of Spring Hill, and definitely worth your time.
Scream Creek Haunted Woods
1765 Martins Chapel Church Rd.
Springfield, TN 37172
Price: $25.95 combo for three attractions plus corn maze; see website for other pricing options
Grade: B+
Springfield's Honeysuckle Hill Farm sheds its family-friendly skin for something sinister with three amusements:
The House of Terror — Honestly, the weakest of the three. Impressive and a hell of a lot of fun to walk through (though strangely, there aren't really any scares). It's an enjoyable puzzle you solve at your own pace. If you have to skip something, this might be the best bet.
Zombie Apocalypse Paintball — It's counter-intuitive, but being stationary while firing at zombies creates a sense of claustrophobia and the thrill of actually being attacked. The zombies are still hard to shoot, but it's easily the most fun of the “paintball haunts” in the area because the threat level is so high.
Scream Creek Haunted Woods — The mineshaft, the barn, and the bridge are three of my favorite set pieces this year. But the monsters' speed and the high-caliber performances really make this haunt pop, keeping you on your toes the entire walk.
Clarksville Zombie Hunters
3975 Martha's Chapel Rd.
Cunningham, TN 37052
Price: $22
Grade: B-
Running just the zombie paintball hayride means a greater opportunity to do one thing right. The biggest complaint is that the ghouls could be in greater abundance and spaced out more. But the enthusiasm offered by the horde that almost falls into the path of the ride — along with the tricks — makes this a fun activity. And while it's limited, the simplistic setup means a quicker wait time.
Devil’s Dungeon
510 Davidson St.
Nashville, TN 37213
Price: $15
Grade: B-
While I've never understood the "most controversial" haunted house moniker for Devil's Dungeon, I've always enjoyed the haunt. It has hands down the best maze in the area because of how hard it is to solve, as well as the best sense of dread as you're walking down a corridor.
Last year's disappointing 3D room didn't seem worth the effort. But with this year's revamping — including an awesome paint job — the 3D room pulls its weight. The rest offers good scares, good timing and an entertaining time, but the actors can be too in-your-face at times. You want to be scared, not bothered.
Bonus points, though, for that roller-disco queen. While not necessarily controversial, she's bound to make a few people uncomfortable ...
Haunted Hell
3930 Apache Trail
Antioch, TN 37013
Price: $15
Grade: B-
This was a tough amusement to gauge. On the one hand, you have the best actors in Nashville, a wonderful use of sound, and loud noises to make your hair stand on end, with banging and clattering that follows you after you leave. One scene in particular involves clockwork timing as the ghouls descend parallel staircases and corner you. These guys are really trying to instill the sense that you're not leaving, and they will obstruct your path. It's a respectable tactic, if tact and timing are used.
But that's also part of the problem. Haunted Hell has too many cast members working the same gag, and they gang up on you at once. It's something that can get out of hand very quickly. The sets seem the same as last year, but there's a difference of energy here — more aggressive, less fun — that makes it unfair to label this as the same experience. If you're looking for something with more threat, though, you might dig it.
Slaughterhouse
3445 Lebanon Pike
Hermitage, TN 37076
Price: $20 on Friday/Saturday, $15 on Sunday
Grade: B-
Presented by the horror hounds at Full Moon Tattoo, Slaughterhouse now possesses an old movie theater in Hermitage. That's fitting, since the cinephilic exposure to new fears really makes the haunt. They're doing things no one else is doing while re-vamping the Slaughterhouse name, and what's especially notable here is the empathy and fast work. This is a new crew slaying an old problem: memories of the haunt's past.
There were a few bugs. Some parts are too open; a few rooms end too abruptly; and more should be done to tie in the theater concept. As this haunt hits its stride, though, you can only expect those bugs to scatter. Well worth a look.
Nightmare Hollow
2595 New Hall Road
Greenbrier, TN
Price: $15
Grade: C+
Nightmare Hollow's maze is the star of the show, with it's "corn stalkers" an unforgettable part of the Halloween tour. The Hollow has this great open feel that only an outdoor haunt can have, along with a phenomenal jump scare that almost made me curl up into a little ball. Unfortunately, while it does an exceptional job at placing its scares, the trails are just too well lit. It's Halloween, not Christmas. There were also serious issues with their clown room just being in the way. (Now that's a sentence you don't get to write often.)
It's weird, this one. It's got some of the best scares in the area. But there are problems with actors missing, blown opportunities, and a few weak performances. And yet the latter half of the journey makes it worth your time.
Auburntown Asylum
776 East Poplar Bluff
Auburntown, TN 37016
Price: $20
Grade: C+
As a first-run attraction, Auburntown Asylum has an advantage that few other haunts have: a genuinely fresh experience. Consistent in theme, but with occasionally spotty production design — some too-bright rooms, unpainted prop books, etc. — the Asylum starts off slowly before gaining momentum and getting you where you need to go: the Rubber Room, stat!
They lose points for their side attraction The Yard Rage, their super-short maze. It's less a maze than a shaft, if you know what I mean. But the team deserves props for effort and creativity, including a very clever table scare, a room that gives you vertigo, a pretty cool story on the website, and the humorous audio played through the PA system. At the very least, it's a good alternative haunt for people who are close to that area looking to avoid traffic.
Dead Land Haunted Woods
7040 Murfreesboro Rd.
Lebanon, TN 37090
Price: $30/all three attractions
Grade: C
My initial tour of both “The Curse” and “The Portal” saw something of a change in last year's trek. But there are areas that are too bright, and big gaps in scare coverage. My initial trek through both haunts proved problematic, with many actors out of costume and chatting with one another. Once or twice I was addressed with a “hey” instead of a jolt.
Out of professional courtesy, I gave the haunt another walk-through, and a second time through it was better: more polish, more enthusiasm. Too much of the trail is the same, though. I will say that they have one of the friendliest waiting areas, and the improvements made to the Maze of Screams have made it more fun.
Miller's Thrillers Haunted Woods
1431 Carters Creek Pike
Columbia, Tennessee 38401
Price: $30/combo pass to both attractions
Grade: C
This amusement is a mixed bag of candy to me.
The sweets: The zombie paintball hayride is a brilliant concept: You take the creepiness of a haunt and give goers a weapon that lets them relive the rail-shooting fun of games like The House of the Dead. It's a haunt that benefits a local fire department. It has some a few really good sets, including a 3D room that shows clown-monsters you'd expect from the Killer Klowns spaceship. Beardsley, the haunt's mascot, really knows how to work a crowd with his bad jokes. There's also a stage, a bonfire, and a snake-petting area.
But there's also some candy corn in this bag. The zombie paintball hayride misses the mark by not offering a narrative. Congestion becomes a huge problem walking through the haunt, and when you're in one group of 10 people directly behind another group of 12, you're suddenly in a full-sequenced human centipede that is re-digesting scares. The rickety wooden parts of the haunt actually feel dangerous — not in a fun way, but in a fear-of-breaking-an-ankle kind of way. Also, some of the performances just aren't convincing.
The folks at Miller's Thrillers are good people. I just don't think 2014 is the year for their haunt. But by all means, try the paintball.
Monster Mountain
273 McMurtry Road
Hendersonville, TN 37075
Grade: D
Monster Mountain was always a favorite haunt to visit. Sadly, no more.
Upon arriving, you'll notice that the nifty extras of years past are gone. No pyrotechnics. No outdoor movies. No music. Not even monsters to scare those waiting in line. Not only does that make for a very boring wait, it's a bad omen that sums up the rest of your experience.
The actors have some energy, but that's the extent of the thought and effort put into this year's molehill of a Mountain. The tour is exactly the same, with the same placement of scares — so you know exactly what to expect and when to expect it. Something that could easily have been fixed, if they'd just shifted the placement of the monsters. Without surprise, you're just going through the motions with each scene — and as haunted house fans know, that's the kiss of death.
The real problem is that the enthusiasm just seems missing from the whole enterprise. Where's the attention to detail and the spirit from falls past? It pains me to give Monster Mountain such a negative review. But it's like a loved one who's about to turn into a zombie. You just gotta put 'em down.
Bloody Acres Haunted Woods
318 Big Station Camp Blvd.
Gallatin, Tennessee 37066
Price: $15
Grade: F
Had they continued the abandoned CDC setup they used in the very beginning, and applied that theme to the rest of the haunt, they could have offered a few chills (especially these days). That setup is one of the few things I can praise, unfortunately. After that brief beginning, the trek starts to stink like a jack-o-lantern in high heat.
We have a few scares early on, and this particular trail does some neat tricks with distorting your perception as you walk through. But the haunt doesn't sustain its mood, and the individual sets don't coalesce into a more frightening whole. Worse, there's more desperation in the performances than in the 700-page Stephen King novel of the same name. The actors try so hard that they end up working against each other, and the result is a total absence of unity.
Final note: If your production design isn't strong enough to stand on its own, and you have to resort to signs that say “Evil Dead,” then you have zero business operating a haunted house. Either use the natural layout you have, or close shop.
Meyers Creek Haunted Wood
3800 John Bragg Highway
Murfreesboro, TN 37127
Grade: F
At the beginning of the haunt, there was a silent female prisoner with black hair. Without giving too much away, she's a pro at unnerving you. Past that, however, there's nothing good to report. Red sirens on the ground and a grade-school theater background do not a prison make. The cornfield area is waist-high, and you feel like you're buying a Christmas tree when you walk toward the circus area. It's mostly a bunch of tarps, but that's probably because the actors had already chewed the scenery.
Why have a haunted woods if you want to recreate indoor horrors? All you're doing is working against the grain.
The highlight: When I was leaving, the actor at the end had trouble getting his chainsaw started. I had to give him a minute.
Death Row — Sanitarium of Slaughter
418 Harding Industrial Drive
Nashville, TN 37211
Price: $13
Grade: F
Abysmal. The people who operate Death Row — Sanitarium of Slaughter added a quick walk-through at the very beginning ... and that's all. Really. This is the exact same haunt as last year, and if you've been going here for years, it feels like serving a sentence. Not even a scary sentence. More like fulfilling a community-service obligation, or driving school. It was kind of fun once, but man, does this need a makeover. The sets are a hodgepodge of pieces, and there were hardly any actors to deliver the scares.
Let me be clear: There is nothing interesting here. The sets are too busy, and there's the issue of movie posters put up throughout the haunt (a pet peeve of mine). And about the scarcity of actors — seriously. Compared to this, that movie where Robert Redford was alone on a boat was The Ten Commandments.
It's also got the most inconvenient parking setup of all the haunts, making you walk halfway around the building to get back to the front. The scares begin and end with the admission price.
This haunt is a dud, and should be avoided at all costs. Boo.
Email arts@nashvillescene.com.
