Sex is cool, but have you ever deleted all of your dating apps, taken a deep breath and stared out the window in a hopeful way?
I’ve rage-quit dating apps plenty of times, but these days, it really feels like they aren’t what they used to be. I know I’m not the only one to say this. Early on, they were a novelty that produced lots of endorphin hits. Then during lockdown, we needed them for any real chance of new connections. For a time, they worked. I met people I liked dating and even loved on Hinge. Now it feels impossible to arrange a first date. I suspect I’m gate-kept from people who might be better options for me by an algorithm or a paid version.
To get back into the (now smaller) pool (OMG, you all got married and engaged in the past three years), I spent $100 total to go to several local dating events.
It wasn’t my first time trying to join the in-person dating revolution. Back in 2018, I went to a memorable Bumble dating event. The event photographer took a photo of me and my friend Morgan (who is now engaged!) laughing at each other, and split the photo in half to make it seem like we were talking to potential love interests. The truth is, we were two of roughly 20 women at the event. Three guys attended. I remember asking one of the men, “Do you feel like you’re on The Bachelor?”
A dating event at East Nashville bar Dino’s in August was a fun experience too, but it did not produce a love connection for me. It was great in that it welcomed all gender expressions and sexual orientations, but left me with about six options — one wearing a baseball cap. I’m sorry, you have to do your hair for these things.
Both the Dino’s event and last month’s Jigsaw dating event offered conversation prompts and encouraged note-taking. I unfortunately had to explain that I was neither a dog person nor a cat person to two lovely gentlemen who worked in graphic design. I still have my wristband (blue, because I’m interested in men) from the Nashville Soccer Club dating event, where a man showed me a picture of his Blu-ray collection.
I have yet to try Cheeky Date and Date Ready Nashville, but will you do it and get back to me? I’m getting tired.
Dating events are a nice place to brush up on your skills in a room full of people who are definitely single. But I, for one, refuse to let anyone else profit off my loneliness anymore. We have to do what every generation before us did — go up to people and start talking to them. Here are some of my tactics for meeting people in person.
The bar poll: Think of something that’s a bellwether for you. For example: I like to ask, “Who is your favorite Kardashian?” If a person thinks reality TV and pop culture are dumb, they are not for me. I start with a couple of girls who seem nice and get some momentum going, and then move on to guys I think are cute. If they are entertained by you, keep talking. If not, say, “Have a good night!” And continue on with the poll. The poll gives you an in and an out. At the very least, you’ll have a couple of nice interactions — and connecting with each other is the very thing that separates us from reptiles.
Eye contact: Look at people, smile at them. It’s nice. Babies can do it.
Wing people: Send your friend over to ask whether the object of your affection is single!Oldest trick in the book.
This is for you too, boys: I find it endearing that men worry they’re going to creep me out. Stop that. If I say something like, “I’m trying to have quality time with my girls,” or any mention of a significant other, that’s where you say, “Have a good night!” It’s not creepy to try, just creepy to cling once I’ve said I’m not available.
Declare that you are single and you’d like not to be: This is a tough one. It’s vulnerable, and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, but I know I want to do marriage and a house and kids! I think it’s important to be upfront about that. I’ve been fixed up a couple of times. I went on a nice date to The Cheesecake Factory after the Scene published an essay I wrote last year about being single. When I posted about singles events for this assignment, one guy slid into my DMs. He said he thought a lot of people were probably reaching out to me. (Hot.)
He was on to something. The apps and social media totally killed any sense of urgency in dating. Why do I see someone I think is cute and immediately try and find them on the internet instead of just saying hello? Perhaps we could reintroduce “Are you seeing anyone?” back into the vernacular. I like it. Makes me feel like I’m on Sex and the City or something.
As we singles approach dating out there in the world, perhaps the most important thing is trusting oneself. Take the advice that sits well with you, and remember that you’re in a dating climate that is different than it ever has been before.
Every one of us is truly here because someone simply went up to someone else. How romantic.
From dating as a reverend to surviving in a post-dating-app society and picking the right spot for a first date
