The thing about people who have an interest in BabyLand General Hospital — the birthplace of Cabbage Patch Kids — is we find each other. Since my inaugural trip to Cleveland, Ga.’s finest attraction in January 2023, I am grateful to have gained three new friends who each independently expressed a fascination with the place. So this summer, six of us girls planned a trip centered on a pilgrimage to the estate of the chinless children, with a few stops along the way.
We tubed, we gambled, and we plotted ways to ensure that the relic that is BabyLand General Hospital lives on for another 50 or so years.
Stay
Naming your rental The Shed at Pink Mountain is pretty good search engine optimization for attracting a group such as ours. The short-term rental is actually on Pink Mountain (also known as Blood Mountain in the Blue Ridge Mountains), named for the way it reflects light at sunset. We loved the cozy home, complete with antique decor, a big table for discussions, a serene porch and a hot tub. The reading lights built into each bed were a nice touch. It’s fit for cooking, lounging, and watching live-action Cabbage Patch Kids shows on the living room television. Just plan to get there before nightfall (and possibly bring some nausea patches), as the winding roads leading to the stay are scenic but can be treacherous.
Many charming Cleveland-area cabins are available via Airbnb if you’d prefer even more seclusion.
Do
I come from a resort- and outlet-mall-vacation-style family, and so a float down the Chattahoochee River was uncharted territory for me. Alan Jackson is right, though. I learned who I was on that river, with help from Cool River Tubing in nearby Helen, Ga. When I tried to dig in my heels to stop, I tumbled right in. I then had to bravely cross the river in my Crocs to meet my friends who had so graciously pulled their individual inner tubes over. We had a mixed group — some liked having a rented stick to stage a preventative shove in the right direction. Others went with the flow and depended on others in the case of a major snafu. I’m trying to become the latter. If I learned anything from the muddy water, it’s that resistance is futile.
Absolutely famished from a couple of hours of floating and getting unstuck at various intervals, my trip-mates said The Troll Tavern gave off the best aromas as we passed by. It absolutely hit the spot. I had a solid Reuben and fries to honor my German heritage. Helen is chock-full of Bavarian-style decor. But having been to Frankenmuth, Mich., I can say it pales in comparison. Still, Helen is a good place to wander a bit and maybe purchase a novelty T-shirt. Unfortunately we didn’t get the chance to hit up one of the area wineries, like Yonah Mountain Vineyards or Habersham Winery.
Our group waited until Sunday to go to BabyLand General Hospital so as not to be rushed, and we were pleased with our decision to rope-drop the establishment. (That is, show up the second it opened for the day.) It’s housed in a stunning Southern architecture building complete with pillars, and the landscaping and views are gorgeous.
Arriving at opening meant we got a clear view of the first birth of the day. The whole operation is charmingly vintage, with jokes that I think went over most of the attendees’ heads — like the announcement that there’s a fainting room for the fathers. You’ll know a birth is coming when there’s an announcement over the loud speaker, “Mother cabbage is 10 leaves dilated!”
An LPN (i.e., licensed patch nurse) in pink scrubs led us through the process, during which we crossed our fingers and shouted “pink, pink, pink!” in hopes of a baby girl. Our wish was granted, and a brand-new Handstitched Cabbage Patch Kid (worth hundreds of dollars more than the plastic Cabbage Patch of yore you may remember) was pulled from the Mother Cabbage’s cabbage vagina.
BabyLand General Hospital
The best part? Touring the grounds and witnessing the birth are free. (Though I did spend $30 on merch, which I can wear in hopes of finding more cabbage friends.)
It may be hard for a millennial or Gen Z-er to understand the magnitude of Cabbage Patch Kids’ popularity at their peak in the mid-’80s. The many signed headshots near the bathrooms (Julia Roberts, Billy Joel, pre-politics Donald Trump and Joan Rivers, to name a few) help reinforce that point. Think Webkinz, but somehow bigger. The lobby also houses a museum for Little People — the original Appalachian soft sculptures made by Cabbage Patch Kids founder and Cleveland, Ga., native Xavier Roberts, which were the basis for the brand.
BabyLand General Hospital official government documents emphasize the originality of the brand, which prompted me to research the origin story of Cabbage Patch Kids. It’s an interesting rabbit hole that I recommend you go down. My official take: Much of it was Martha Nelson Thomas’ idea, but Xavier Roberts turned the brand into an iconic bit of pop culture, and I can appreciate him for that. Hell, look at the Andy Warhol paintings in the lobby.
After a romp through the sprawling BabyLand General Hospital gift shop and witnessing several births, you’ll need a sit. We loved the sandwiches at the Tipsy Tomato in the charming Cleveland town square. During our Tipsy Tomato lunch, we took time to put together a small list of other destinations with similar energy. South Dakota’s Corn Palace, Missouri’s Laura Ingalls Wilder Historic Home & Museum, and North Carolina’s American Museum of the House Cat were at the top of our list.
Having just spent some time at one of my personal happy places and witnessed the miracle of birth with friends who knew what’s up, I was feeling lucky. We made a stop at Harrah’s Cherokee Valley River Casino & Hotel in Murphy, N.C., on the way home. (I recommend setting a timer, as time is an illusion in a casino.) It was a welcome change of pace.
I won $150 or so and gave a smidge to each person in the car. Friends who match your freak are priceless.
From Gulf Shores and Ocean Springs to Bristol and Lexington, here are our recommendations for late-summer getaways
