In 2014, comedian, musician, podcaster and Nashvillian Chris Crofton asked the Scene for an advice column, so we gave him one. Crowning himself the “Advice King,” Crofton shares his hard-won wisdom with whoever seeks it. Follow Crofton on Bluesky and Instagram (@thecroftonshow), and check out his The Advice King Anthology and Cold Brew Got Me Like podcast. To submit a question for the Advice King, email bestofbread@gmail.com.
Dear Advice King,
How do we lower the price of rent?
—Richard in Chattanooga
It’s simple, in my opinion. Landlords have to take a moral stand. They have to admit to themselves that they were not divinely ordained to be property owners — they got lucky. After they admit that to themselves, they should vow to make their rents reasonable.
I think I can hear a landlord off in the distance yelling, “HOW AM I LUCKY?! I AM SELF-MADE!”
There are lots of ways you may have gotten lucky, buddy. The main one is ... being born white. For hundreds of years American white people made it hard for Black people to own property. While enslaved Black people were in chains, white people divvied up the whole countryside. Fun fact: It was not “re-divvied” at any point after Black people were freed. As a result, you may have noticed there are more white landlords than Black landlords ... by a lot.
How do we remain hopeful while the people in power in America insult immigrants and call the poor 'parasites'?
And if that weren’t enough, for a hundred years (plus) after that, American white people made it very hard for Black people to buy property — especially desirable property. See: Jim Crow, segregation, redlining.
The funny thing about property is, there’s a finite amount. People hold onto it — for generations. It gets handed down. It becomes collateral for the loans that launch businesses. White entrepreneurs love to brag about their “ingenuity” and “work ethic,” but they don’t talk much about how their ancestors got the land that ended up providing the capital/space for them to become entrepreneurs/landlords.
That endlessly weaponized word — “entrepreneur” — and all the bootstrapping bullshit it implies should be banished from society.
So landlords, you can house regular people — not just the rich. And you need to — it’s a moral imperative. Europeans “bought” Manhattan from the Native Americans for next to nothing — and it was bragged about in every elementary school social studies textbook. It’s time to make amends.
House people, don’t gouge people.™
OK. I have one more thing to say. As I write this, the U.S. Congress has passed a “CR” (continuing resolution). The CR will keep the government open. Sounds harmless, right? Well, this particular CR will significantly alter the balance of power between the branches of government — perhaps permanently. It allows the president to appropriate funds without congressional approval. Find out more about it. And do it fast. The Senate has to vote before the shutdown Friday. To be clear: WE WANT THE GOVERNMENT TO SHUT DOWN. We do not want the president to have “the power of the purse” — that’s supposed to be, um, illegal. Call your senator: 202-224-3121.
I HATE ALL OF THIS. Let’s fight for a future in which I can write about Bigfoot again.
