Advice King: I'm Dating Someone Who Believes in Past Lives

Comedian, musician, host of Chris Crofton's Advice King Podcast and former Nashvillian Chris Crofton asked the Scene for an advice column, so we gave him one. Crowning himself the “Advice King,” Crofton will share his hard-won wisdom with whosoever seeks it. Follow Crofton on Facebook and Twitter, and to submit a question for the Advice King, email bestofbread[at]gmail[dot]com or editor[at]nashvillescene[dot]com.

Dear Advice King,

I started dating someone who does past life regression therapy. I really like his company, but I think "past lives" are kind of bullshit. Do you think this might be a problem for our relationship going forward?

Thanks!

—Debby in New Paltz, N.Y.

Oh lord. Past lives?! And I thought I had problems. 

I’ll tell you one thing you have going for you, Debby: This guy isn’t writing opinion pieces for The New York Times. I’d rather talk about past lives all day than be subjected to some old white dude’s thoughts on “the value of work.”

Writing this, I have a particular old white dude in mind. His name is Peter Coy. He wrote the masterpiece “Work Is Intrinsically Good. Or Maybe It’s Not?” for Monday’s New York Times. I don’t know if you can read it since it’s part of a “subscription-only newsletter,” but you don’t need to read it. You can tell from the abominable, accidentally hilarious headline what kind of dystopian hijinks ol’ Peter Coy is up to in his red-hot essay “Work Is Intrinsically Good. Or Maybe It’s Not?” 

I’m going to keep repeating the title, 'cuz it’s just THAT goddamn good.

Peter Coy — the, ahem, author of “Work Is Intrinsically Good. Or Maybe It’s Not?” — spent almost 32 years writing about economics for Businessweek. He joined the elite New York Times opinion squad in July 2021. I would describe The New York Times opinion staff as “The Navy Seals of Out-of-Touchedness.” Peter and many other privileged dopes are freaking out because they think today’s young people are lazy. Big picture, they are worried that there won’t be enough restaurant employees to bring around the dessert cart. 

Here’s the news from the street, Peter: NO ONE IN THIS BRUTAL LATE-CAPITALIST SOCIETY CAN AFFORD TO INDULGE FANCY MORAL QUANDARIES. We don’t even have health care. In this country, if someone isn’t working, and they are not on the street, somebody is giving them money. Probably their mom.  

What you are actually noticing, Peter, is that young people in America hate their jobs. That is much different than “not having a work ethic.” Not being enthused about drowning in student debt while you deliver sandwiches in your own car because you have been designated an “independent contractor” by an unregulated monopoly does NOT count as a referendum on “whether work is intrinsically good.” Work is not supposed to be a form of therapy for poor people — IT’S SUPPOSED TO PAY THE FUCKING BILLS. And it’s supposed to include a little something called HUMAN DIGNITY. 

“Human Dignity Is Intrinsically Good. Or Maybe It’s Not?” by Peter Coy.

Here’s an OPINION™: If you are an economist in 2022, and everything you write isn’t about how desperately we need to enforce antitrust laws, you are either a moron or you’re dishonest! 

What was the question? Oh yeah, past lives. That actually sounds fun. Marry that 16th-century stable boy! Have him put horseshoes on your goldendoodle!

But then again ... “Past Lives Are Intrinsically Good. Or Maybe They’re Not?”