Comedian, musician, host of Chris Crofton's Advice King Podcast and former Nashvillian Chris Crofton asked the Scene for an advice column, so we gave him one. Crowning himself the “Advice King,” Crofton will share his hard-won wisdom with whosoever seeks it. Follow Crofton on Facebook and Twitter, and to submit a question for the Advice King, email bestofbread[at]gmail[dot]com or editor[at]nashvillescene[dot]com.
Dear Advice King,
I am a Christian in Tennessee. I do not identify with the “Christianity” being pushed by Tennessee Republicans. In my opinion, their version is a mixture of sadism, greed and white supremacy. Republican policies victimize minorities, women and the unhoused — the exact opposite of Christian values. How do we get these charlatans out of office?
—Grace in Hendersonville, Tenn.
I appreciate the question, Grace.
Let’s start with the unhoused. Jesus Christ was born in a manger. I don’t know if that manger was on public land, but if it were — and it were in Tennessee in 2022 — Jesus, Mary and Joseph would all be felons. Republican state Sen. Paul Bailey (R-Cookeville) sponsored legislation penalizing camping on public property, which would criminalize this hypothetical Jesus. He lives in White County, Tenn. I’m not kidding. He’s a Christian. His website says he is a worship leader at Lighthouse Church.
“Lighthouse.” Hmmm. I wonder if ol' Sen. Paul Bailey shuts the light off if he decides he doesn’t like the looks of who’s coming toward it.
Christians like Sen. Paul Bailey presume to know God’s will better than God does. God created the unhoused, Paul Bailey. Just the same as he created you. His son, Jesus — probably a white guy from White County, Tenn., in your mind — ministered to the poor. He didn’t criminalize them. And Jesus was from the Middle East, buddy.
Tennessee's Gov. Bill Lee says he’s a Christian. He allowed Sen. Bailey’s bill banning camping on public property to become law. He wanted Hillsdale College to open 50 charter schools in Tennessee. He wanted to use public funds. Hillsdale College’s “1776 Curriculum” includes gems like this: “The civil rights movement was almost immediately turned into programs that ran counter to the lofty ideals of the Founders.” And “Ask students to consider the areas in which the civil rights movement did move into the realm of controlling private property and activity, namely in private businesses open to the public and in hiring practices.”
Based on the above passages, Bill Lee — a Christian — would like Tennessee children to reconsider the civil rights movement. Based on the above passages, Christian Bill Lee and Christian Hillsdale College think white people were victimized by the civil rights movement.
I’m not letting Democrats off the hook, Grace. Nashville Mayor John Cooper identifies as Christian. He presides over the capital city of a state that just made it illegal for God’s unhoused children to camp on God’s green earth. Is he up in arms, vowing to protect his most vulnerable citizens? Is he laser-focused on the issue of affordable housing? No. He is spending his time promoting a $750 million real estate development called “East Bank.” It will be “mixed use,” with a marina, shops, and … a bunch of other shit poor people can’t use. A new place for Nashville’s marginalized to feel even more marginalized, and for its unhoused to be told to “move along.”
Mixed-use developments, rewriting the history of the civil rights movement, and making it a felony to be without a house: This is modern American Christianity?! Fuck that.
What can you do, Grace? What can WE do?
Expose them. Expose their hypocrisy. Expose their sadism. And do it again and again.
