They call ’em pony cars, because back in ’64, the Ford Mustang galloped onto the scene with so much fanfare that General Motors was compelled to compete with models of its own. Chevrolet entered the horse race in ’67 with Camaro—a car that derived its name from the French colloquial equivalent of “ol’ buddy, ol’ pal”—while Pontiac trotted out Firebird (and launched a tradition of mixed metaphors in the process). All three started life as affordable, lightweight coupes without too much oomph under the hood but a lot of appeal out on the street. Now, three decades later, they’re the last surviving avatars of a performance paradigm that thumbs its nose at mere practicality.
Early on, auto companies had the bright idea of offering optional V8 power as an alternative to the small V6 engines that made the original ponies so puny. Today, as Camaro celebrates its 30th birthday with its ’97 model, the V8-equipped Z28 Camaro punches out 285 horsepower while an “SS” super-sport option ramps that figure up to 305. Not to be outdone, Pontiac’s Firebird Formula, with the macho addition of “Ram Air Induction,” also posts 305 horsepower to the asset column of its balance sheet.
What does all this mean? Well, if you’ve never held the reins on three-hundred-five stormin’, snortin’, bustin’ broncos, you’re missing out on one of life’s primary primal pleasures. It’s all about boiling the tread off your tires while billows of blue-white smoke unfurl skyward out of the wheel wells. Then, when the tires are so gooey they’ve reached the consistency of rubber cement, the car hooks up and leaps forward, slamming your viscera into your back and your back into the seat.
If you’re shifting manually, you’re likely to make mighty chirps on your way through second and even third gear as your tires peal for pleasure. Within six seconds, you’re good for 60 miles an hour. Let eight more ticks tock and you’re crowding 100, a quarter-mile from home. Then, like an out of body experience, your world fills with diamond-bright, flashing blue lights. You’re busted!
Was it worth it? You bet! (The first time, anyway.) Because if you’re curious about the arcana that floats around in the form of performance statistics, there’s really only one sure-fire way to learn about horsepower and torque, and that’s to mash a bunch of it under your foot.
Then one day the mist clears, the euphoria fades, and the dawn breaks, revealing the plain fact that there’s a pony car in your driveway. Two doors. A trunk the size of a sand-pail. Seating referred to as 2+2 (since it would be misleading to suggest adequate room for four). The only thing that’ll fit in the backseats is a pair of brown-bag lunches. If you’re startled by the impracticality of it all, then you’ve been had, because you’re really not the performance buff you thought you were. But if the Walter Mitty gleam still comes to the corner of your eye, you’re hooked and everything’s gonna be just fine.
Indeed, if that’s the way you feel about it, the only real issue is which pony to put your money on. A look at the two F-bodies (which is how GM corporate types refer to Camaro and Firebird collectively) provides an opportunity for comparison: The 30th Anniversary Camaro Z28 sports Arctic white paint bedecked with a pair of Big Orange rally stripes from tip to stern; the interior is upholstered with natty houndstooth checking. As a concession to our cup-holder culture, the Camaro can be equipped with the optional automatic transmission that eliminates the clutch-slurp-shift-slurp sleight-of-hand necessary for negotiating gear changes during the morning’s coffee-cup commute.
Despite an available AM/FM/compact disc stereo, the real listening pleasure is the burbling, throaty exhaust note that transforms even a mundane trip to the hardware store into your dramatic appearance on the far horizon amidst the sound of rolling thunder. You have everything you need to become a hero in your own mind, even if by Knoxville standards the University of Tennessee paint scheme looks a little rabid. With a base price of $20,115, the actual price of this special-edition Camaro reaches $24,411 after the calculator stops humming.
But wait...there’s more, and it comes in the form of Pontiac’s Firebird Formula, with its WS-6 handling option and snarling Ram Air hood scoops. The hood is responsible for the WS-6’s 7-percent horsepower edge over the Z28, but it’s the six-speed manual shifter and stiff, flat-cornering suspension that will convince your psyche you’re ready for hot laps down at the ol’ superspeedway. Do not buy this car if you’re worried about shaking the fizz out of your soda. Do buy this car if you wanna shake up the neighborhood every once in a while.
The Firebird is an all-American pony car named after an Amerindian bird-god; but when it’s all decked out in blood-red monochrome, this car looks for all the world like a snorting, frothing fighting bull raging through the streets of Pamplona. The faint-of-heart need not apply. With a base price of $20,654, the hotter’n-a-firecracker Formula WS-6 needs $26,670 all told to follow you home. That’s not an out-and-out bargain if you’re looking for basic transportation, but it is about half what you’d need to pony up for a comparable fun factor from some of those pretty-boy Euro sports jobs. On that basis alone, you can be sittin’ mighty tall in the saddle of a Firebird Formula WS-6.
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