If you want evidence that women in Tennessee don’t have enough power, it’s that it’s been almost two weeks since Trump dissed Bob Corker for his height and his alleged corruption and we have not matched this insult with a suitably scathing diss.
OK, first the background, from Alex Pheiffer at the Daily Caller:
Republican Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker was reportedly a contender to become President-elect Donald Trump’s secretary of state, but internal documents provided by a Trump confidant reveal that insider trading allegations hurt Corker’s chances for being picked for the role.Additionally, two sources close to the Trump transition process told The Daily Caller that Sen. Corker’s short stature was a trait the president-elect did not want in his top diplomat.
Then — and no offense to Jack Lail over at the Knoxville News-Sentinel, but come on! — a dude's response to this bullshit:
My growth spurt, such as it was, topped out just below 5-foot-4, and I’ve lost altitude since then. Still, any time I’ve shaken hands with Corker, we’ve pretty much been eye-to-eye, in height if not on policy.So the issue wasn’t a huge surprise to me when The Daily Caller reported last week that Corker’s diminutive stature helped disqualify him from the secretary of state’s job.
Appearances count, especially in diplomacy, right? Doesn’t America exude power when John Kerry, 6-foot-4, towers over foreign leaders in those handshake photos?
Perhaps more importantly, appearances matter to President-elect Donald Trump, who built businesses on branding and once owned a beauty pageant.
Jesus Christ. Now is not the time to sit around and try to be understanding of Trump’s motivations and keep our heads down and hope that, if we’re nice enough, maybe Trump will stop being so mean. Now is the time when you count on your best girlfriends to sit down with you and tell you some truths designed to keep you from wasting any more time on this jackass.
Granted, I’m not very qualified for the job, because I, too, like to make fun of Bob Corker, but a.) it’s well-known life rules that it’s OK for us to make fun of our guy but woe to you if you do and b.) obviously, Corker has no girl friends or this nonsense would not be ongoing, so I do this for the good of the state.
So, Sen. Corker, pour yourself a glass of wine, put on the most empowering Whitney Houston song known to humankind (“It’s Not Right, but It’s Okay,” in case you don’t know), and let me tell you about yourself as I would for any of my friends who had been done wrong the way you have been done wrong.
Point one: Literally all that being short tells you about a person is that they had short ancestors. Jack Lail writes “One study indicated that taller people tend to be smarter because height is tied to good prenatal and infant nutrition, which also builds hefty brains. Other studies have found that financial success correlates to height at age 16, when tall boys master critical social skills as big men on campus.” Forget him. If being tall makes you smart and personable, why is Donald Trump such a dingus? What political experience does he have? And you? So, come on.
Point two: You are at least as cute, if not cuter, than Mike Pence, especially when you let your hair grown out a little into that “unhinged 19th-century politician” style. You have an expressive face and nice eyes. Mike Pence looks like the robot villain of some bad 50s sci-fi movie. Donald Trump might know about pretty women, but he obviously has terrible ideas about what makes a good looking man.
Point three: Donald Trump is worried about YOUR corruption? Seriously? In what way? Are you not corrupt enough? Does he need to see photos of your family members sitting in on Tennessee state business or read stories in papers about you conducting senatorial phone calls that drift into you talking about mutual business dealings before he can feel sure that you’d fit in in his administration? I’m going to need about a half hour to laugh about this before I can even finish this post. Oh, OK, President Trump, please lecture Sen. Corker about corruption. All of us in Tennessee are so eager to hear why you reserve the right to be shady as hell for yourself, but deny it to our senator.
Listen, Bob Corker, these are not normal times. You didn’t lose out on a job because you weren’t quite right for the position and the normal strategy of keeping your head down and working hard and being ready to take the next opportunity is not going to work. Dude strategies are going to fail you.
There’s not going to be a real next opportunity. He’s enjoying feeling powerful and having power over you. So, the only thing you can do is to stop giving him all this power. Sure, yes, as the president, he has some permanent power over you. But have some dignity, man. Stop waiting around for him to decide to do right by you. In other words, break up with him. Delete his number from your phone. Don’t go over to his house in the middle of the night because you miss him. Don’t return his texts. Don’t wait around for him to realize he loves you and needs to be better to you. Or whatever the political equivalent of that is. DTMFA, as we liberals say.
Bob Corker, you may not be the greatest guy, we may have our political disagreements, but you’re our guy, and I can’t stand by and watch you chase after a guy who doesn’t care about you. You can do better.
I’m telling you this as your girl friend: you deserve better.
