Back when I started doing home inspections every day, I figured I had a pretty simple job. All I had to do was find the meaningful flaws in a house that was for sale, then tell the homebuyers about any problems I found.As it turned out, my real job was that of a zookeeper. At every house that contained a dog, cat, ferret or bunny, the homeowner cared about just one thing: Don't let any of the animals out. All of the homeowners told me to keep the critters corralled, or I'd be in big trouble.
"Well," I said, "I'm going to be here for about half the day. I'll have to open a door now and then. Let me suggest that you cage up your animals, because if one or all of them head for the great outdoors, I won't be able to catch them."
After a while, I started giving this standard speech to homeowners: "I love your animals, but I couldn't catch a four-legged creature that's already got a big head start. Truth is, I won't even try, because even if I caught them, they'd just start scratching and biting me. I'd drop them — or throw them — and we'd just have to start all over again."
Understand, I've got plenty of empathy for folks who want to keep their animals safe. I've chased down lost dogs all over South Carolina and rescued two in Tennessee. As much as I enjoyed my animal companions, there was a time back in the '90s when I was petless. But even then, I kept some fish in a backyard pond, because they cleaned up their own poop and they couldn't run away unless they caught a ride on a pond-raiding egret, if you know what I mean.
I'm amazed that I have to explain this, but people who come to your house on business don't have any duty to baby-sit your animals. Some years back, I consulted an attorney on this matter. He told me that if a customer's animal escaped and met an ugly fate on my watch, I'd only be liable for the difference between the fair market value of the animal immediately before the accident and immediately after.
Let's just say I open the back door, somebody's itchy, elderly Chihuahua darts out the back door, gets in a fight with a squirrel and ends up in a coma. If I take the blame for the whole incident, I'm out less than a dollar. Case closed.
When folks come to your house for business or pleasure, it's a good idea to confine your pets to a crate, or keep the pets in a fenced area such as a pen in your garage, basement or backyard. If you're selling your house, don't lock pets up in the laundry room or the garage. Prospective homebuyers, real estate agents and home inspectors will need to go in those places.
One of my long-time real estate agent friends — who will remain nameless for now — says she's coaxed dogs back into houses with treats, dug cats out of woodpiles, and administered first aid to one severely bitten buyer, all in a stalwart effort to be a caring real estate professional. But one day, she says, it just hit her that pet-sitting and pet-chasing were not part of her job. Now, when she opens a door and a cat darts out into the yard, she leaves the door cracked as long as she's at the house, and if the pussycat doesn't come home before it's time for her to leave, she sticks a big Post-It Note on the front door: COULD NOT FIND SWEETIE PIE.
Demanding that people wrangle your pets won't ensure a happy fate. Consider this local real estate tale: A Realtor showed a house to a young couple while the owners weren't home. This is the usual way to sell a house. Crashing in while the homeowners are eating Pop-Tarts and playing with the Wii kinda ruins the setting. Anyhow, the real estate agent finished the tour of the house and was in the process of locking up when he saw a big sign on the front door: Do NOT let the white cat OUT! So, when he looked down and saw the white cat sitting on the porch, he shooed the kitty into the house, locked the front door, and went on his way.
When the owners came home, every piece of furniture in their house was shredded.
It wasn't their white cat.
