Monkeys are good for the human soul. Those comprehending eyes, the way they can be taught to use utensils—in an awkward, ham-fisted kinda way—and the clothes they sometimes wear. What, I ask, is more adorable than an ape in a bow tie? They're like people!
So why, then, does a ban on primate ownership exist in Tennessee? Their propensity to maul people beyond recognition and without provocation, and to fling hands-full of doo like so much snow notwithstanding, I don't see what the big deal is. Handsomely appointed chimpanzees waddling down Broadway would not only raise our profile, it'd lift my spirits in a way few things other than midgets can.
The Humane Society is pushing legislation for a universal ban on private ownership of primates as pets, effectively spoiling the fun for everybody. And the evidence they produced in defense of this is scant, just read the pitifully small list of monkey-related incidents—only 46 disastrous or potentially disastrous attacks in 4 years, two of which occurred in Tennessee? So what if they all carry a form of the Herpes virus? It'll take a lot more than horrific, eye contact-initiated maulings and incurable diseases to convince me that our fellow simians are a bane.
So call your U.S. senator and tell him/her, 'No to Monkey Prohibition! We want our monkeys and we want them now!'
