The Hispaniel problem
Republicans on the Tennessee House's State & Local Government Committee continue to stumble over a resolution expressing regret for slavery. They're trying to figure out a way to kill it without appearing racially insensitive. In the process, Rep. Eric Watson, R-Cleveland, invented a new race of people.
"You know, we need to move on and put this stuff behind us," Watson told the resolution's sponsor, Rep. Brenda Gilmore. "Both sides, Caucasian, Hispaniels, African-American, are all guilty of this back in the 1800s. You've read it and so have I. Even the yellow man [unintelligible mumbling about the yellow man]... I understand what you're doing, I just don't want you to be accused of profiling or going towards a certain group of people on this bill. But I could support this bill if you could include all the slavery, not just one race."
Lawmakers should just pass this thing and get it over with. The longer it's debated, the more apologizing they'll have to do. Jeff Woods
Gay in 2022
According to rock star statistician Nate Silver, gay marriage will not come to Tennessee till 2022. Following breakthroughs in Iowa and Vermont, the man famous for his predictions on everything from baseball to presidential races came up with a formula to determine when support for gay marriage will pass the 50 percent mark in each state.
As he says, "It turns out that you can build a very effective model by including just three variables: 1. The year in which the amendment was voted upon. 2. The percentage of adults in 2008 Gallup tracking surveys who said that religion was an important part of their daily lives. 3. The percentage of white evangelicals in the state.
In other words, if you're gay in a state with lots of religious white folk, you've got a long, long wait. He predicts that Tennessee won't be riding the rainbow until at least 2022. That puts us in a tie for 48th with Arkansas (Now there's something to hang your hat on.) Mississippi and Alabama will be last to arrive at the party, which will be fabulous. Caleb Hannan
Attack of the pizza guy
Mailmen may have their slavering hounds, but at least they don't have to deal with teenage gunmen. Such are the tribulations of Nashville pizza delivery folk these days.
Last Saturday, a delivery man arrived at a vacant home on Edwin Street. When he knocked on the door, police say two gunmen drew down on him and took his money and car keys, making off with his Pontiac Bonneville.
Early the next morning, a detective in an unmarked car saw the Pontiac traveling down Douglas Avenue. So began a short-lived chase. Within minutes all four of the car's occupants bailed. But a police dog tracked down and sunk its teeth into 15-year-old Starolyn Macon, who was treated for the bite and booked into juvenile detention.
Macon is being charged on suspicion of carjacking, evading arrest and violating curfew in connection with the robbery. Police continue to search for his accomplices. Brantley Hargrove
The skillet robbery
Police say a guy named Michael John Young nearly killed a man during a robbery by bludgeoning him about the head with a skillet.
According to police affidavits, here's how it went down: The unsuspecting victim, Cody Overstreet, was snoozing on his couch in the comfort of his apartment when Young walked in and allegedly bashed him on the head with a skillet, then stole his wallet and more than $200.
En route to Vanderbilt Hospital, paramedics were worried that the blood loss Overstreet suffered from the savage attack would kill him. To basically put Overstreet's head back together, ER surgeons used 129 staples and 27 stitches.
Overstreet knew Young and was able to pick him out of a photo lineup. Young has been charged on suspicion of attempted criminal homicide and especially aggravated burglary. Brantley Hargrove
Is VY a goner?
Decoding the NFL salary cap usually requires a room full of Ph.D.s, two abacuses (abaci?) and a santaria candle. But ESPN.com's Paul Kuharsky appears to have crunched irrefutable proof that Vince Young will no longer be a Titan after the 2009 season.
Barring a scenario where he replaced an injured Kerry Collins and had an MVP season or won a Super Bowl as the starter, it's unfathomable that Young will be a Titan under this contract in 2010—when he's due a $4.25 million roster bonus and a $7.5 million base salary. It all spells out a $14.21 million cap hit come next year. Unless Young's play matches that franchise quarterback pay, Kuharsky believes he's good as gone. Caleb Hannan
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