She was the butt of their jokes.
In an $800,000 complaint filed with the Williamson County Chancery Court, Andria M. Surles, a former employee of singer Wynonna Judd and her husband, Arch Kelley, accused Judd and Kelley of sexual harassment and discrimination that allegedly occurrd whil
e Surles worked for them as a farmhand. Among the charges: Surles said that Judd asked her to come to her bedroom and massage her buttocks and that Kelley attemptd to measure her buttocks with a tape measure.
Whereupon he was immediately hired by the Clinton administration.
After being cited twice for driving without a license and improper car registration, self-proclaimed “Freeman” Robert K. Booher filed a federal lawsuit against Humphreys County officials, claiming that he is a sovereign citizen and not subject to state or U.S. laws.
Attention, O.J. Simpson—have we got a juror for you!
Jennifer L. Winsett, 28, was fined $50 for contempt of court after she failed to report for her second day of jury duty in Circuit Court. A court official said that Winsett was the first juror he’d ever seen who simply didn’t show up in the middle of a trial. In her defense, Winsett said she overslept, and then her car wouldn’t start.
With political discourse like this, who needs American Gladiators?
The Sixth District congressional race between Democratic incumbent Bart Gordon and Republican challenger Steve Gill generated hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of attack ads, which attracted national attention for their sheer hostility. Among the highlights: Gordon’s “dramatic reenactment” of the repossession of Gill’s vehicle and a Sally Struthers-like plea from Gill’s wife for Gordon to stop telling lies about her husband.
Republicans say the darnedest things.
At a $100-per-person fundraiser for Gill, the House candidate’s cousin and finance chairman, Mark Gill, silenced the Republican crowd by telling a tasteless joke about former White House Deputy Counsel Vince Foster, who committed suicide in 1994.
You know, it’s just stupid enough to be true.
During his campaign for a state House seat, Metro Council member Roy Dale accused his Democratic opponent, Bill Boner, of placing anti-Boner phone calls to homes in their East Nashville district to generate sympathy for himself.
There aren’t that many phones in the world.
In one of the weirdest moments of the campaign, Boner arranged a meeting with a Donelson woman who had carried on a “lengthy relationship” with his opponent, Roy Dale—a relationship that had ended in charges of harassment against the woman and a restraining order. Boner said he was just meeting with the woman “about getting some support in Donelson,” but Dale said the supposedly born-again Boner was rooting around in his private life for ammo. “I would never go out and talk to all of Boner’s ex-wives to get dirt on him,” said Dale, “even if they called me.”
The fine line between lawmaker and lawbreaker.
During his run for the state House in October, Bill Boner was accused of campaigning too close to the early voting site at the Davidson County Election Commission office. According to witnesses, Boner and his campaign workers were seen within the 100-foot boundary set by state election laws.
Anyone who wants to vote here that badly should be locked up anyway.
Cheatham County investigators accused a woman of fraudulently registering to vote by using her child’s Social Security number.
At least that way voters could be sure he was honest.
Charles Bobbitt Jr. was elected a city judge in White House, despite the fact that he is not a licensed attorney.
Are you sure Geraldo done it this way?
Mancy Pendergrass, a 17-year-old Brentwood junior, was driving her mother’s car down Lower Broadway with a friend when she pulled through a crosswalk in front of apoplectic WKRN reporter Michael Turko and his daughter. Turko allegedly shouted “You bitch!” and planted a powerful kick in the side of Pendergrass’ car, causing about $460 worth of damage. Turko, who claimed the car had almost hit him and his daughter, later sent Pendergrass a check—but in a final irony, the confrontational newshound ordered Pendergrass not to speak to the media about the incident.
Attention all officers! Be on the lookout for bald-headed, no-necked hotheads with shoe-polish eyebrows!
The Tennessean reported, of all things, a rash of impersonators claiming to represent Turko. An angry customer posing as Turko’s assistant called a car dealership and told the staff he was going to send Channel 2’s attack-dog reporter to “stick a camera in your face!” In another dispute, this one about a fence, a man painted a 2 on the side of his car and drove repeatedly past his neighbor’s house.
And now, the new country hit by Isaac Hayes—excuse me, Wade Hayes.
In a live broadcast from Fan Fair, bowtied, bespectacled WSMV weatherman James Lewis told viewers one of the highlights of the country event would be an appearance by “Barry White.” When bemused anchor Cynthia Williams wondered aloud what the hefty, deep-voiced soul man was doing at Fan Fair, a red-faced Lewis said that he actually meant country singer Bryan White.
Now future generations will know why WSMV dominated the ratings.
As workers at the Bicentennial Mall sealed the Davidson County time capsule, which will be opened in 100 years, Channel 5 reporter Lydia Lenker drew snickers from fellow WTVF staffers when she slipped her business card into the capsule.
Coming soon: Easter greetings from Madalyn Murray O’Hair.
A bizarre Christmas-card feature on the Channel 5 Web site told ’net surfers they would soon be able to send their loved ones computerized “Kwanzaa greetings from Texaco.” The site urged visitors to send electronic greetings “before the holidays are upon you like a group of racist Texaco corporates.” Not surprisingly, the feature disappeared within hours of published reports.
A big hand for the little lady.
The Columbia Journalism Review publicly chastised Banner publisher Irby Simpkins for “mishandling excess personal baggage” in his paper’s coverage of state government—particularly where Simpkins’ wife Peaches, the state’s deputy governor, was concerned. In nine months, the paper printed 25 editorials praising Sundquist, while stories unflattering to the Sundquist administration were often given sugar-coated headlines to make them sound positive.
Hey, we goofed. So sue us. No, wait...
Above a January story announcing the death of AIDS activist Tommy Powell, the Banner ran a photo of local banker Tom Powell, who in fact was alive and AIDS-free.
In Jeff’s case, “A-Hole” might’ve been more appropriate.
Tennessean sportswriter Jeff Pearlman sparked a controversy when he wrote that “private, Christian-run schools are a bad idea” because Christians behave with insensitivity to others by praying to Jesus and heckling opponents. As an example, he cited the mother of an Ezell-Harding student who shouted at opposing players, “Hey, you A-head! That’s right, you’re A-head.” Pearlman’s story suggested that “a-head” was some obscure derogatory term, but witnesses at the basketball game reported that the woman, who spoke in a thick drawl, was criticizing the other team for running up the score: “Hey, you’re ahead! That’s right, you’re ahead!”
Their replacement: The Jesus and Mary Chain.
The opening act for Nashville’s Jars of Clay, the Samples, got themselves dumped from the alternative Christian rockers’ tour after they reportedly started swearing and “denouncing Christianity” from the stage.
At least he had enough sense to come in out of the rain.
In an apparent attempt to dry himself after being caught in a downpour, a man loaded himself into a dryer at a Dickerson Road coin laundry. Metro firefighters who were called to the scene by a concerned customer opened the dryer, and the man—whose identity they never learned—climbed out and walked away. Fire Captain Carl Smith said he wasn’t sure what could have possessed the man to tumble-dry himself along with his wet clothes, but helpfully added: “I have never been in a clothes dryer myself.”
The English patient
In his latest round of well-publicized domestic troubles, singer Michael English was charged with theft and assault by his former live-in lover, Tina Wilmurth, who claimed English chased her down an alley and had to be physically restrained. In turn, English’s publicist said the accusations stemmed from the couple’s breakup the week before. Wilmurth later dropped the charges.
Once again, life imitates a Vanderbilt frat party.
Visitors to the lake at Cedar Hill Park were infuriated last summer when flocks of large white male ducks began forcing themselves on flightless female Peking ducks. The ducks’ ruthless behavior was blamed on a disproportionately large population of males, who overmate when they outnumber the females.
But officials did add a clean-underwear clause to the dress code.
Penny Wiltham of Inglewood refused to allow her son, Jason Lynn, to return to The Center for Family Life alternative school after officials there performed a strip-search on the 15-year-old boy. The search failed to turn up a missing $100 bill that another student had accused Jason of hiding in his waistband.
There were Red faces all around.
Organizers of the International Street and Folk Fest in Murfreesboro, who bought flags representing the various national groups in the community, inadvertently offended Laotians by displaying the banner of Laos’ communist regime, which most of the immigrants had come to Murfreesboro to escape.
In fairness, it was no more unclear than most legal writing.
In May, the Metro Legal Department posted signs, in English and Spanish, under the east side of the Victory Memorial and Woodland Street Bridges to warn homeless people living there that they must move. The Spanish version, prepared by a Metro staff attorney who had volunteered that she knew a little of the language, was intended to read “must vacate” but translated as “mold they break.”
An initial investigation revealed...initials.
After finding the letters “KKK” spray-painted nearby, federal agents suspected that the Ku Klux Klan was responsible for burning the home of a black Chattanooga activist until neighbor Kenya Barker explained: “Honey, that’s for Kenya, Keta, and Keisha. That’s been there since we were kids.”
It’s times like these you need a 10-foot rabbit.
As part of a publicity stunt engineered by a representative of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), a man in a giant carrot costume caused a commotion outside Lakeview and Eakin Elementary Schools. As students arrived for school, the 7-foot veggie—billed as “Chris P. Carrot”—danced and shimmied on the sidewalk, while a PETA representative lectured kids about the evils of eating meat. Parents were unfazed. “It doesn’t bother me,” said one parent to a daily reporter. “I think carrots go good with a roast.”
Calling Martha Stewart.
A pizza delivery man discovered 80-year-old Blanche and John Adams, unbeknownst to their neighbors, living in squalor in their Green Hills home. When Metro rescue personnel arrived, they found John Adams lying in his own waste, and they said the Adams’ house was littered with feces, urine, empty pizza boxes, and vermin—so much so that rescue workers had to tighten their pants cuffs to keep roaches from crawling up their legs.
Ducking the issue.
Questions arose earlier this year about the legality of “rubber duck races,” in which thousands of rubber ducks are “adopted” for $5 apiece and dumped into a river. The state Division of Charitable Organizations said that the duck races could violate Tennessee’s stringent rules about lotteries—even though such above-board charities as Buddies of Nashville and the Nashville Mental Health Association frequently use such races as fundraisers.
Government of the beautiful people, by the beautiful people, for the beautiful people.
Organizers of the Bicentennial Mall celebration planned to close the mall to all but about 1,000 invited VIPs until howls of protest forced Gov. Don Sundquist to open the festivities to the public. In a masterful sidestep, Sundquist grabbed the credit for allowing the public into the mall—and blamed the snafu on Tennessee 2000, the organizing group chaired by one of his rivals, businesswoman Martha Ingram.
They were ambushed by hostile bureaucrats.
A train of eight horse-drawn wagons, which had traveled across the state to help mark Tennessee’s bicentennial, was refused permission to enter Nashville until the train’s organizer secured a parade permit and bought a $1 million insurance policy.
And more than half of those were for the poetry readings by Sterling Marlin.
The Tennessee Bicentennial Arts and Entertainment Festival, which had been conceived as a showcase of the state’s fine arts achievements, drew only small crowds. The festival’s 43 events, which cost nearly $2 million to stage, generated only $205,000 in ticket sales.
The parents and students both received an education.
The Phoenix Academy, a highly touted school for gifted students, ended in bitter failure after its operating funds were severely depleted. Parents blamed founder Barbara Bachman, who used parents’ tuition money to purchase, among other things, furniture, clothes, jewelry, and a $658,000 home in Brentwood.
The Joe’s on you.
In its April newsletter, Bongo Java coffeehouse announced plans to sell 100,000 shares of stock for $10 a share to long-term, regular customers, thanks to a special waiver from the Securities and Exchange Commission. After numerous requests for information by prospective investors, Bongo Java owner Bob Bernstein confessed that the entire story had been an April Fool’s gag.
Customers wanted him pushed, pulled, or dragged.
In September, state regulators suspended the license of auto dealer Gary Willingham, who was accused of selling extended service agreements to 661 customers, then pocketing the money instead of forwarding it to register the contracts.
On the other hand, someone did see Kenny Rogers.
Opryland Hotel’s enormous new Delta expansion opened last summer, accompanied by a widely publicized series of snafus that left many guests without the accommodations they had requested. Some of the many complaints included surly service, reservations that were switched by the hotel without warning, and $200 rooms that came without soap or shampoo.
This way to “Bud Wendell’s Enchanted Speed Bump!”
After motorists were outraged last year by being charged a $4 parking fee to wander around the hotel grounds at Christmastime, Opryland raised the fee to $5 this year.
They knew he was a fake when he didn’t try to charge 5 bucks for parking.
Olin Wayne Brantley, wanted on forgery charges in Fort Worth, attempted to pass himself off as “John Gaylord,” heir to the Gaylord Entertainment Empire. During his visit to Nashville, Olin/John offered recording contracts, wrote bogus checks, and handed out Opryland passes and hotel accommodations.
The doctor will feel you now.
Controversial physician Richard Feldman was brought before the state Board of Medical Examiners on charges that he fondled female patients during office visits for treatment of a cold. Feldman was also charged with seeking sex with employees of a local massage parlor in exchange for removing a wart from the parlor’s owner. In Feldman’s defense, attorney Larry Roberts stated all the charges were a “conspiracy” on the part of the massage parlor.
Not every chiropractor also offers mammograms.
Nashville chiropractor E. Gene Snead—who accepted a reprimand and a year’s probation on charges of sexual abuse and harassment under the name Elbert G. Snead in 1990—was charged this year with sexual harassment by four former employees, who claim he then fired them when they complained about his behavior. According to the complaints, Snead “groped” some of the women, showed porno movies in their presence, and suggested some of them “should have sex with him for money.”
Now she’s knitting a sock for David.
Laurie Crowder, an assistant superintendent for Murfreesboro city schools, filed a sexual harassment complaint over a painting of a nude, displayed openly in Murfreesboro’s City Hall. She claimed that the painting created a hostile environment in her workplace, even though the nude’s strategically placed arm blocked all the naughty bits.
A really bad hair day.
Jan Dorris, a former employee of Tennessee Telco Credit Union, claimed in a $1 million lawsuit that her boss, vice president James Burton, had attempted to intimidate her sexually by sneaking up behind her and cutting her hair.
He was a bottom-line kind of guy.
Hope Chambers filed a $2.5 million lawsuit alleging that her former boss, Thomas Scott of Scott Bolt & Screw, threw her across his lap and spanked her after flying into a “fit of rage” over an error in a report she prepared.
A reward for a job well done.
Beverly Garner, former head of Metro’s public-service work program for DUI offenders, pleaded guilty to accepting bribes in exchange for releasing people from work assignments—then petitioned to keep more than $1,700 in monthly disability pension benefits she had been receiving from the job.
Workmen behaving badly.
Two Gallatin city street workers were fired and two others were suspended without pay after they allegedly hired a woman to perform a late-night striptease for them while they were supposed to be keeping roads clear during a February snowstorm.
Where visitors can walk a mile for a camel.
The same week that Metro Parks turned down an offer of $1 million to build a controversial cancer survivors’ memorial in Elmington Park, it accepted a donation of $25,000 from the U.S. Tobacco Manufacturing Company to help build a public greenway.
Smyrna residents Carol and Brandon McGinnis filed a suit for $900,000 against McDonald’s and the owner of an Alabama McDonald’s franchise. The reason: The McGinnises were treated for severe food poisoning after eating a burger that was found to be infested with maggots.
Not to mention hot flashes.
A McMinnville woman sued a local Burger King for $1 million in damages after spilling hot coffee on her legs and pelvic area. The woman claimed that, besides third-degree burns, the spilled coffee caused her to suffer a stroke.
A ruse by any other name....
Perry Patrick Williams Jr. was listed in a Tennessean article as the man who was tackled by patrons at a Cracker Barrel restaurant after he tried to swipe $460 from the register. Unfortunately, when Williams showed up in court, he obviously was not the man police had arrested. A former high-school friend, Johnny Stacy Tidwell, whom Williams hadn’t seen in years, had given police Williams’ name and address as his own. Then he posted $200 bail and fled.
Nor were they happy to hear that Jesus was a Jew.
After Page High School’s chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes voted senior Aaron Walker its Christian Athlete of the Year, the national organization revoked the award. Walker is a Mormon, and under FCA regulations, that means he’s a non-Christian.
He immediately said, “Sinus up for a PSL.”
After losing a bet on the Oilers referendum, Nashville Sounds president Larry Schmittou agreed goodnaturedly to receive a pie in the face from Robin Fuller of the NFL Yes! group, which led the push for the stadium. In the heat of the moment, Fuller smashed Schmittou so hard with the pie that she broke his nose.
Suffer the little children.
In town earlier this year for a charity basketball event at TSU, Dallas Cowboys hothead Deion Sanders proved to be more dead air than “Prime Time.” First, in an appearance at Hickory Hollow’s Footlocker shoe store, Sanders snapped at autograph seekers of all ages. Then he delayed the TSU game because he forgot his basketball shoes. In a final show of rudeness, at halftime he ordered police to hold back some little kids who wanted his signature, leaving at least one in tears.
He was technically knocked out.
Boxing promoter Don King was unable to bring a promised title bout between Oliver McCall and Lenox Lewis to Nashville after a New Jersey judge ruled that King had never executed a contract with the parties involved and had failed to fulfill previous agreements.
Debacle on ice.
After a miserable start to their inaugural season, the Nashville Nighthawks fired coach Iain Duncan, then brought him back two weeks later as a player—prompting the new coach and several players to quit.
Besides, now she can feel more at home among the players.
Katherine Bell sued the Nashville Knights after her teeth were knocked out by a flying hockey puck during a 1993 game. In denying her claim, Judge Walter Kurtz ruled that since Bell chose to sit in an unscreened area, she was aware of the risks involved.
The one that didn’t get a weigh.
David Hayes, who for 40 years held the world record for catching the largest small-mouthed bass, had his crown snatched away this year. The guide who accompanied Hayes that day on Dale Hollow Lake in 1955 confessed that, unbeknownst to Hayes, he had stuffed three pounds of lead weights down the fish.
Nevertheless, in lieu of flowers, mourners were asked to bring a six-pack to the service.
In June, an obituary published in the Tennessean and the Banner reported that the deceased, Mr. Leo Martin Singer, was survived by five children, seven grandchildren, one sister and one brother, then added: “Mr. Singer request he wasn’t drunk.”
Something the feuding heirs had scrupulously avoided so far.
Conway Twitty’s widow, Dee Jenkins, petitioned to have the late singer’s body exhumed and cremated so she could take the ashes with her when she moves from Nashville. One week later, she withdrew the petition, saying that publicity had created a “media circus.”
It sounded pretty good to the Twitty family.
Earlier this year, Goodlettsville Rep. Tim Garrett proposed before the state House a bill that would allow funeral homes to reuse caskets. Garrett, who owns a funeral home, suggested that families could rent a casket and pay only for the inside lining, which would be removed and replaced with each new temporary occupant. Although the bill ultimately won House approval, snickering colleagues demanded to know, under Garrett’s bill, if coffins could be sublet or rented to own.
Bury the hatchet, he told them. Let it die.
During his mother’s funeral service in Columbia, Robert Wilbanks was placed in a headlock by funeral director Tony Sowell, who held a knife to Wilbanks’ throat and threatened to kill him. The disturbance apparently arose because the minister performing the funeral had mispronounced Wilbanks’ mother’s name. After Sowell regained his composure and put away the knife, he invited Wilbanks to his office to call police. While the two waited for officers to arrive, Wilbanks hit the funeral director with a lamp and had to be restrained by his wife. Both parties threatened to file charges, but a judge persuaded them to drop the matter.
Then the fine was doubled when he missed his court date.
In July, bikers who had formed a funeral procession in Putnam County each received $50 traffic citations after they had removed their helmets in honor of the deceased, fellow biker Horton Swift. Swift also received a posthumous ticket when his wallet, which was being carried by one of the bikers, was handed to officers during the confusion.
The secret’s in the sauce.
The Scene ran a story in January describing a lawsuit filed by a local car salesman, who claimed that he had eaten a steak from the office refrigerator—only to be told later that his boss had previously used the piece of beef to wipe his “oozing and dripping hemorrhoids.” The dealership’s attorney claimed the story had been told to the salesman in jest.
And you thought that was relish in the special sauce.
Smyrna residents Carol and Brandon McGinnis filed a suit for $900,000 against McDonald’s and the owner of an Alabama McDonald’s franchise. The reason: The McGinnises were treated for severe food poisoning after eating a burger that was found to be infested with maggots.
Not to mention hot flashes.
A McMinnville woman sued a local Burger King for $1 million in damages after spilling hot coffee on her legs and pelvic area. The woman claimed that, besides third-degree burns, the spilled coffee caused her to suffer a stroke.
She was the butt of their jokes.
In an $800,000 complaint filed with the Williamson County Chancery Court, Andria M. Surles, a former employee of singer Wynonna Judd and her husband, Arch Kelley, accused Judd and Kelley of sexual harassment and discrimination that allegedly occurrd whil
e Surles worked for them as a farmhand. Among the charges: Surles said that Judd asked her to come to her bedroom and massage her buttocks and that Kelley attemptd to measure her buttocks with a tape measure.
Whereupon he was immediately hired by the Clinton administration.
After being cited twice for driving without a license and improper car registration, self-proclaimed “Freeman” Robert K. Booher filed a federal lawsuit against Humphreys County officials, claiming that he is a sovereign citizen and not subject to state or U.S. laws.
Attention, O.J. Simpson—have we got a juror for you!
Jennifer L. Winsett, 28, was fined $50 for contempt of court after she failed to report for her second day of jury duty in Circuit Court. A court official said that Winsett was the first juror he’d ever seen who simply didn’t show up in the middle of a trial. In her defense, Winsett said she overslept, and then her car wouldn’t start.
With political discourse like this, who needs American Gladiators?
The Sixth District congressional race between Democratic incumbent Bart Gordon and Republican challenger Steve Gill generated hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of attack ads, which attracted national attention for their sheer hostility. Among the highlights: Gordon’s “dramatic reenactment” of the repossession of Gill’s vehicle and a Sally Struthers-like plea from Gill’s wife for Gordon to stop telling lies about her husband.
Republicans say the darnedest things.
At a $100-per-person fundraiser for Gill, the House candidate’s cousin and finance chairman, Mark Gill, silenced the Republican crowd by telling a tasteless joke about former White House Deputy Counsel Vince Foster, who committed suicide in 1994.
You know, it’s just stupid enough to be true.
During his campaign for a state House seat, Metro Council member Roy Dale accused his Democratic opponent, Bill Boner, of placing anti-Boner phone calls to homes in their East Nashville district to generate sympathy for himself.
There aren’t that many phones in the world.
In one of the weirdest moments of the campaign, Boner arranged a meeting with a Donelson woman who had carried on a “lengthy relationship” with his opponent, Roy Dale—a relationship that had ended in charges of harassment against the woman and a restraining order. Boner said he was just meeting with the woman “about getting some support in Donelson,” but Dale said the supposedly born-again Boner was rooting around in his private life for ammo. “I would never go out and talk to all of Boner’s ex-wives to get dirt on him,” said Dale, “even if they called me.”
The fine line between lawmaker and lawbreaker.
During his run for the state House in October, Bill Boner was accused of campaigning too close to the early voting site at the Davidson County Election Commission office. According to witnesses, Boner and his campaign workers were seen within the 100-foot boundary set by state election laws.
Anyone who wants to vote here that badly should be locked up anyway.
Cheatham County investigators accused a woman of fraudulently registering to vote by using her child’s Social Security number.
At least that way voters could be sure he was honest.
Charles Bobbitt Jr. was elected a city judge in White House, despite the fact that he is not a licensed attorney.
Are you sure Geraldo done it this way?
Mancy Pendergrass, a 17-year-old Brentwood junior, was driving her mother’s car down Lower Broadway with a friend when she pulled through a crosswalk in front of apoplectic WKRN reporter Michael Turko and his daughter. Turko allegedly shouted “You bitch!” and planted a powerful kick in the side of Pendergrass’ car, causing about $460 worth of damage. Turko, who claimed the car had almost hit him and his daughter, later sent Pendergrass a check—but in a final irony, the confrontational newshound ordered Pendergrass not to speak to the media about the incident.
Attention all officers! Be on the lookout for bald-headed, no-necked hotheads with shoe-polish eyebrows!
The Tennessean reported, of all things, a rash of impersonators claiming to represent Turko. An angry customer posing as Turko’s assistant called a car dealership and told the staff he was going to send Channel 2’s attack-dog reporter to “stick a camera in your face!” In another dispute, this one about a fence, a man painted a 2 on the side of his car and drove repeatedly past his neighbor’s house.
And now, the new country hit by Isaac Hayes—excuse me, Wade Hayes.
In a live broadcast from Fan Fair, bowtied, bespectacled WSMV weatherman James Lewis told viewers one of the highlights of the country event would be an appearance by “Barry White.” When bemused anchor Cynthia Williams wondered aloud what the hefty, deep-voiced soul man was doing at Fan Fair, a red-faced Lewis said that he actually meant country singer Bryan White.
Now future generations will know why WSMV dominated the ratings.
As workers at the Bicentennial Mall sealed the Davidson County time capsule, which will be opened in 100 years, Channel 5 reporter Lydia Lenker drew snickers from fellow WTVF staffers when she slipped her business card into the capsule.
Coming soon: Easter greetings from Madalyn Murray O’Hair.
A bizarre Christmas-card feature on the Channel 5 Web site told ’net surfers they would soon be able to send their loved ones computerized “Kwanzaa greetings from Texaco.” The site urged visitors to send electronic greetings “before the holidays are upon you like a group of racist Texaco corporates.” Not surprisingly, the feature disappeared within hours of published reports.
A big hand for the little lady.
The Columbia Journalism Review publicly chastised Banner publisher Irby Simpkins for “mishandling excess personal baggage” in his paper’s coverage of state government—particularly where Simpkins’ wife Peaches, the state’s deputy governor, was concerned. In nine months, the paper printed 25 editorials praising Sundquist, while stories unflattering to the Sundquist administration were often given sugar-coated headlines to make them sound positive.
Hey, we goofed. So sue us. No, wait...
Above a January story announcing the death of AIDS activist Tommy Powell, the Banner ran a photo of local banker Tom Powell, who in fact was alive and AIDS-free.
In Jeff’s case, “A-Hole” might’ve been more appropriate.
Tennessean sportswriter Jeff Pearlman sparked a controversy when he wrote that “private, Christian-run schools are a bad idea” because Christians behave with insensitivity to others by praying to Jesus and heckling opponents. As an example, he cited the mother of an Ezell-Harding student who shouted at opposing players, “Hey, you A-head! That’s right, you’re A-head.” Pearlman’s story suggested that “a-head” was some obscure derogatory term, but witnesses at the basketball game reported that the woman, who spoke in a thick drawl, was criticizing the other team for running up the score: “Hey, you’re ahead! That’s right, you’re ahead!”
Their replacement: The Jesus and Mary Chain.
The opening act for Nashville’s Jars of Clay, the Samples, got themselves dumped from the alternative Christian rockers’ tour after they reportedly started swearing and “denouncing Christianity” from the stage.
At least he had enough sense to come in out of the rain.
In an apparent attempt to dry himself after being caught in a downpour, a man loaded himself into a dryer at a Dickerson Road coin laundry. Metro firefighters who were called to the scene by a concerned customer opened the dryer, and the man—whose identity they never learned—climbed out and walked away. Fire Captain Carl Smith said he wasn’t sure what could have possessed the man to tumble-dry himself along with his wet clothes, but helpfully added: “I have never been in a clothes dryer myself.”
The English patient
In his latest round of well-publicized domestic troubles, singer Michael English was charged with theft and assault by his former live-in lover, Tina Wilmurth, who claimed English chased her down an alley and had to be physically restrained. In turn, English’s publicist said the accusations stemmed from the couple’s breakup the week before. Wilmurth later dropped the charges.
Once again, life imitates a Vanderbilt frat party.
Visitors to the lake at Cedar Hill Park were infuriated last summer when flocks of large white male ducks began forcing themselves on flightless female Peking ducks. The ducks’ ruthless behavior was blamed on a disproportionately large population of males, who overmate when they outnumber the females.
But officials did add a clean-underwear clause to the dress code.
Penny Wiltham of Inglewood refused to allow her son, Jason Lynn, to return to The Center for Family Life alternative school after officials there performed a strip-search on the 15-year-old boy. The search failed to turn up a missing $100 bill that another student had accused Jason of hiding in his waistband.
There were Red faces all around.
Organizers of the International Street and Folk Fest in Murfreesboro, who bought flags representing the various national groups in the community, inadvertently offended Laotians by displaying the banner of Laos’ communist regime, which most of the immigrants had come to Murfreesboro to escape.
In fairness, it was no more unclear than most legal writing.
In May, the Metro Legal Department posted signs, in English and Spanish, under the east side of the Victory Memorial and Woodland Street Bridges to warn homeless people living there that they must move. The Spanish version, prepared by a Metro staff attorney who had volunteered that she knew a little of the language, was intended to read “must vacate” but translated as “mold they break.”
An initial investigation revealed...initials.
After finding the letters “KKK” spray-painted nearby, federal agents suspected that the Ku Klux Klan was responsible for burning the home of a black Chattanooga activist until neighbor Kenya Barker explained: “Honey, that’s for Kenya, Keta, and Keisha. That’s been there since we were kids.”
It’s times like these you need a 10-foot rabbit.
As part of a publicity stunt engineered by a representative of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), a man in a giant carrot costume caused a commotion outside Lakeview and Eakin Elementary Schools. As students arrived for school, the 7-foot veggie—billed as “Chris P. Carrot”—danced and shimmied on the sidewalk, while a PETA representative lectured kids about the evils of eating meat. Parents were unfazed. “It doesn’t bother me,” said one parent to a daily reporter. “I think carrots go good with a roast.”
Calling Martha Stewart.
A pizza delivery man discovered 80-year-old Blanche and John Adams, unbeknownst to their neighbors, living in squalor in their Green Hills home. When Metro rescue personnel arrived, they found John Adams lying in his own waste, and they said the Adams’ house was littered with feces, urine, empty pizza boxes, and vermin—so much so that rescue workers had to tighten their pants cuffs to keep roaches from crawling up their legs.
Ducking the issue.
Questions arose earlier this year about the legality of “rubber duck races,” in which thousands of rubber ducks are “adopted” for $5 apiece and dumped into a river. The state Division of Charitable Organizations said that the duck races could violate Tennessee’s stringent rules about lotteries—even though such above-board charities as Buddies of Nashville and the Nashville Mental Health Association frequently use such races as fundraisers.
Government of the beautiful people, by the beautiful people, for the beautiful people.
Organizers of the Bicentennial Mall celebration planned to close the mall to all but about 1,000 invited VIPs until howls of protest forced Gov. Don Sundquist to open the festivities to the public. In a masterful sidestep, Sundquist grabbed the credit for allowing the public into the mall—and blamed the snafu on Tennessee 2000, the organizing group chaired by one of his rivals, businesswoman Martha Ingram.
They were ambushed by hostile bureaucrats.
A train of eight horse-drawn wagons, which had traveled across the state to help mark Tennessee’s bicentennial, was refused permission to enter Nashville until the train’s organizer secured a parade permit and bought a $1 million insurance policy.
And more than half of those were for the poetry readings by Sterling Marlin.
The Tennessee Bicentennial Arts and Entertainment Festival, which had been conceived as a showcase of the state’s fine arts achievements, drew only small crowds. The festival’s 43 events, which cost nearly $2 million to stage, generated only $205,000 in ticket sales.
The parents and students both received an education.
The Phoenix Academy, a highly touted school for gifted students, ended in bitter failure after its operating funds were severely depleted. Parents blamed founder Barbara Bachman, who used parents’ tuition money to purchase, among other things, furniture, clothes, jewelry, and a $658,000 home in Brentwood.
The Joe’s on you.
In its April newsletter, Bongo Java coffeehouse announced plans to sell 100,000 shares of stock for $10 a share to long-term, regular customers, thanks to a special waiver from the Securities and Exchange Commission. After numerous requests for information by prospective investors, Bongo Java owner Bob Bernstein confessed that the entire story had been an April Fool’s gag.
Customers wanted him pushed, pulled, or dragged.
In September, state regulators suspended the license of auto dealer Gary Willingham, who was accused of selling extended service agreements to 661 customers, then pocketing the money instead of forwarding it to register the contracts.
On the other hand, someone did see Kenny Rogers.
Opryland Hotel’s enormous new Delta expansion opened last summer, accompanied by a widely publicized series of snafus that left many guests without the accommodations they had requested. Some of the many complaints included surly service, reservations that were switched by the hotel without warning, and $200 rooms that came without soap or shampoo.
This way to “Bud Wendell’s Enchanted Speed Bump!”
After motorists were outraged last year by being charged a $4 parking fee to wander around the hotel grounds at Christmastime, Opryland raised the fee to $5 this year.
They knew he was a fake when he didn’t try to charge 5 bucks for parking.
Olin Wayne Brantley, wanted on forgery charges in Fort Worth, attempted to pass himself off as “John Gaylord,” heir to the Gaylord Entertainment Empire. During his visit to Nashville, Olin/John offered recording contracts, wrote bogus checks, and handed out Opryland passes and hotel accommodations.
The doctor will feel you now.
Controversial physician Richard Feldman was brought before the state Board of Medical Examiners on charges that he fondled female patients during office visits for treatment of a cold. Feldman was also charged with seeking sex with employees of a local massage parlor in exchange for removing a wart from the parlor’s owner. In Feldman’s defense, attorney Larry Roberts stated all the charges were a “conspiracy” on the part of the massage parlor.
Not every chiropractor also offers mammograms.
Nashville chiropractor E. Gene Snead—who accepted a reprimand and a year’s probation on charges of sexual abuse and harassment under the name Elbert G. Snead in 1990—was charged this year with sexual harassment by four former employees, who claim he then fired them when they complained about his behavior. According to the complaints, Snead “groped” some of the women, showed porno movies in their presence, and suggested some of them “should have sex with him for money.”
Now she’s knitting a sock for David.
Laurie Crowder, an assistant superintendent for Murfreesboro city schools, filed a sexual harassment complaint over a painting of a nude, displayed openly in Murfreesboro’s City Hall. She claimed that the painting created a hostile environment in her workplace, even though the nude’s strategically placed arm blocked all the naughty bits.
A really bad hair day.
Jan Dorris, a former employee of Tennessee Telco Credit Union, claimed in a $1 million lawsuit that her boss, vice president James Burton, had attempted to intimidate her sexually by sneaking up behind her and cutting her hair.
He was a bottom-line kind of guy.
Hope Chambers filed a $2.5 million lawsuit alleging that her former boss, Thomas Scott of Scott Bolt & Screw, threw her across his lap and spanked her after flying into a “fit of rage” over an error in a report she prepared.
A reward for a job well done.
Beverly Garner, former head of Metro’s public-service work program for DUI offenders, pleaded guilty to accepting bribes in exchange for releasing people from work assignments—then petitioned to keep more than $1,700 in monthly disability pension benefits she had been receiving from the job.
Workmen behaving badly.
Two Gallatin city street workers were fired and two others were suspended without pay after they allegedly hired a woman to perform a late-night striptease for them while they were supposed to be keeping roads clear during a February snowstorm.
Where visitors can walk a mile for a camel.
The same week that Metro Parks turned down an offer of $1 million to build a controversial cancer survivors’ memorial in Elmington Park, it accepted a donation of $25,000 from the U.S. Tobacco Manufacturing Company to help build a public greenway.
