Damn the commute! Let's head to Murfreesboro, where the rent is still cheap and the ATMs are easy. Divey, seedy bars are not in short supply in the city with the world's largest cedar bucket and more than 20,000 students at Middle Tennessee State University. We couldn't — or perhaps just didn't care to — hit them all, but we'd be remiss to not mention a cringe-worthy jewel like the now-defunct and totally dodgy Willie's Wet Spot (a popular venue for Murfreesboro metal shows) or Buster's, which is not defunct but just as dodgy. OK, so maybe you're not going to go live in Rutherford County just for the dive bars, but if you find yourself there to see your brother-in-law's band or whatever, here's where to go. See also: the East Nashville and Old Hickory installments in our Dive In series.
The Boro Burger at The Boro in 2016
The Boro, 1211 Greenland Drive
The Boro Bar and Grill is kind of like Cheers: If you go enough, everybody knows your name. The difference is, at Cheers you're glad they do, but at The Boro you might duck and hide when they call your name. If you've lived in Murfreesboro at any point in your life, you can and will run into someone you know there. You may remember The Boro for the patron who got a little too friendly with the bar's ATM and then a picnic table (ahem, 2014 Scene Boner Award winner and cover inspiration, Mr. Lonnie Hutton). With old, tattered booths, a wicked-sweet patio and a genuinely great waitstaff, The Boro is the just the perfect amount of seedy. They serve one helluva gut-bomb burger — "The Boro Burger," which is made fresh (not frozen!) and served with a heaping pile of fries. Pro tip: Go on your birthday for a free pitcher of beer. AH
Campus Pub, 903 Gunnerson Ave.
Besides the standard-issue dive-bar complement of cheap domestic beer and well drinks, Campus Pub offers a couple of pool tables and video bowling, plus two modest patios to choose from. One patio is covered and lined with booths, while the other has no roof and a couple of tall tables to gather around. Whichever you choose, don't be that dingus who sits on the rail, because it's far enough off the ground to really smart if you fall. (Don't ask how we know.) While their food offerings can't hold a candle to the greasy delight of tenders and JoJos (giant potato wedges) from Dodge's Chicken down on Broad Street, the options are within arm's reach, and if it's a karaoke night, you're going to want to stay close by. When the karaoke system gets fired up on Wednesdays and Saturdays, anyone and everyone is welcome to make the Pub their Palladium. The guy who's a shoo-in to play Radar O'Reilly in the Murfreesboro Little Theatre's production of M*A*S*H becomes a ferocious warrior when the DJ cues up Dio's "Holy Diver." That punk whose frosted spikes and flip-flops remind you of a young Guy Fieri fresh off his first line-cook shift? He's about to unleash the most aching, soulful rendition of The Eurythmics' "Here Comes the Rain Again" you've ever heard. Brace yourself, because the stout fellow whose "staff" shirt made you mistake him for the bouncer is about to pull out a deep cut: Not Amy Winehouse's version of "Valerie," but The Zutons' original. As long as you do it with panache, even the most discerning regulars are going to cheer and sing along when you step up to belt "Tiny Dancer." ST
Gentleman Jim's ("Clean," 2115 E. Main St., and "Dirty," 1325 Greenland Drive)
Campus Pub's neighbor is Gentleman Jim's, one of two establishments sharing that name in the vicinity. Sometime in the past quarter-century, the Greenland Drive location earned the moniker "Dirty Jim's," though the reasons are as clear as your vision after a couple of their signature wallet-friendly cocktails, which come in stout Styrofoam cups. At one point, the nickname appeared to be a dog-whistle callout of the working-class clientele by some patrons of "Clean Jim's," the East Main Street location within stumbling distance of Fraternity Row on the other side of campus. "I asked a couple of times," proprietor Jim Baldwin told the Murfreesboro Post in 2011. "One said it's about the people that go there. It really doesn't appear to be dirty in Dirty Jim's or clean in Clean Jim's — it appears to be the same. You've got frat boys at one end, and Ag boys at the other. I'm glad they call it something." Maybe we're getting old, but Dirty Jim's used to feel a lot dirtier. The lighting is better than we remember, though not bright enough to harsh your buzz, and the door guy's head nearly scrapes the ceiling. Save for the jukebox playing old soul tunes and Chris Stapleton, and the clink of pool balls as neighbors swig their longnecks, all is often quiet. Speaking of longnecks, the most expensive tier of bottled beer (Newcastle, Dos Equis, Heineken) is $3.75, and tallboys of Pabst and Natty Light run $1.75. That Big Gulp-style 16-ounce well drink? It's $5.75 for a drink made with any liquor behind the bar except Patrón, which inches it up to $7.75. Snacks include chips and Screamin' Sicilian Pizza, thawed to order. Besides the quaffables and edibles, the bar stays stocked with all kinds of sundries to save you a trip to the convenience store. Whether you need a pack of smokes, forgot your lighter or are ready for some ibuprofen, your barkeep has you covered. Over at Clean Jim's, everything feels approximately the same, just a bit bigger. The building is two stories, open to the ceiling, with a balcony in the main room. The standard mixed drink is 32 ounces, and starts at $7.75. The covered patio is a bit more spacious than Dirty's fenced-off section of parking lot, and your options include darts as well as pool. Of all the establishments in our roundup, Clean Jim's is where you're most likely to encounter students, which increases your chances of finding yourself in the midst of a "Wagon Wheel" sing-along by a sizable margin. ST
Mark and Pat's Handlebar, 2601 E. Main St.
Unless you're a ride-or-die biker, you might wonder after driving out into the sticks to find the Handlebar whether you should even go inside. A tiny structure on the outskirts of Rutherford County — verging on Woodbury white-supremacist territory — the Handlebar looks like the kind of place you'd roll up on in a horror flick. Hell, who knows what ghosts lurk there? You might be right to hesitate, but don't let that make you walk away. Inside, you'll find a cigarette machine, real-deal bikers and the best damn breakfast in Murfreesboro. Two people can get in and out for under $10 — add a few bucks to the mix and you can grab a PBR or Miller High Life to go with your hash browns. They also serve a delicious patty melt. On the weekends between 9 p.m. and 2 a.m., the bar tends to get a little too busy for our taste — college students from MTSU sometimes get drunk enough to think they fit in at a biker bar. AH
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