Nashville Recap: 'We've Got Nothing But Love to Prove'

This episode! What a finale! Twists! Turns! Things I saw coming (Will's whole thing) and things I did not (Luke's whole thing). And it was fun to watch last night on the big screen at The Belcourt with much of the cast, all of whom are nice and, more importantly, fun and attractive. So what happened to our heroes last night? READ ON:

Rayna & Deacon

Marcus has gone MIA before an important television performance, but Rayna finds him holed up in one of our many downtown open-air towers. He is very nervous, and is afraid that people are going to "see right through" him. But Rayna talks him down, and they give an interview to GMA where the interviewer straight up asks Marcus about all those people who are calling him a poser, basically. Rayna fields that one and says the lines are blurred and Marcus is good, but DO WE BELIEVE HER???

At The Beverly, Deacon has installed church pews for seating in the club section of the bar, because the other venues that have them "treat the music like it's sacred." Pews are, of course, uncomfortable and impractical and bar none the worst thing about the Ryman, history be damned, I ain't give a shit, HATE those pews, so much fun when a stranger spills over or I have nowhere to put my bag or drink and the best part is getting stuck in the middle and inconveniencing everyone else if you need a bathroom break BUT SURE good job Deacon, be proud of your dumb idea. I would have suggested "regular-ass tables and chairs" but why let a good idea get in the way of holiness.

Also he has an engagement ring to give Rayna.

Marcus' performance goes great, of course! There's a huge crowd and the song gets TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOWNLOADS (excuse me, what?) so Rayna is as wealthy as she ever was, on account of Marcus being a Highway 65 artist and all. Happy with his success, he takes Rayna back up to the observation tower for a swig of Champagne and a WEIRD KISS. He swoops in and really goes for it, but Rayna rebuffs him instantly. She straight up says "No." and walks away. 

But other than that, the show was a huge success! Deacon brings Rayna a celebratory breakfast in bed, but when he says Marcus is "not that bad," she mentions, actually, that Marcus kind of sucks and tried to kiss her. Deacon, of course, IS FURIOUS and is doing everything in his power not to smash up the room. There's no time for them to fight about it, though, because Marcus is a big baby and canceled the tour and has moved to L.A.  

Rayna goes to see Marcus, but he's embarrassed (obviously) and says his band has gotten back together in 10 hours. Deacon, meanwhile, has decamped to The Beverley and performs a duet with Scarlett in honor of her mother/his sister. The audience applauds and loves it, and shifts uncomfortably back in forth on those hard-ass pews. Rayna finally makes it to The Beverley after trying to coddle Marcus, so now she has to go to the roof and coddle Deacon, who is jealous that she tried to prevent the one successful artist on her label from defecting. 

Deacon feels stupid after all of this, of course, and tells Rayna that he does actually support her. And he finally proposes! She says, "Yeah!" CUE WEDDING BELLZ! 

Scarlett

Scarlett, a church pew in a bar, goes home to see her blandly handsome Dr. Boyfriend after tour is over … and after a few pit stops. She's nervous about seeing him again since they had a tiff the last time she was in town, but it looks like all is forgiven. They kiss and look at one another, dreamily. But what is this? Dr. Boyfriend got a job offer to head up his own department in the faraway city of Seattle. 

She doesn't want to leave Nashville, of course, and Dr. Boyfriend says he's going to turn down the job. (Stupid.) She tells Gunnar about Dr. Boyfriend's stupid decision, and Gunnar says that she should go if it makes her happy, and they'll figure out a way to make the band work. So she's got TWO men telling her she should do whatever makes her happy! MUST BE NICE. 

Scarlett tells Dr. Boyfriend that Gunnar said they could make the band work, and she tells him that he has to move to Seattle. She tells him he's brilliant at what he does ( … is he?) and that he shouldn't hold back his career to advance hers. So she breaks up with him and says that he deserves someone who will follow him everywhere. Scarlett, that is a BAD relationship barometer? Didn't you do that for Avery? Dr. Boyfriend says that he's not like the delicate idiot artistes he's recently surrounded himself with, and is very "smell you later." BYE! 

Luke

LOL. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. "How can we wrap up Luke's storyline this season in the most devastating way possible? And let's make sure it's not only totally out of left field, but also not really his fault, either." And that, kids, is why Luke suddenly owes FORTY MILLION DOLLARS to the IRS, thanks to a skeevy business manager who stole from him (and others) and skipped the country. 

Also, none of the money was embezzled from the label or the business side, it was all his personal accounts. Haha damn Luke is boned. Declaring bankruptcy is brought up, but he shoots it down in order to save the Brand, oh Lord, the Brand, nothing must happen to his precious Lifestyle Brand. Razors and belt buckles and keychains and sippy cups and pantyliners and orange juice and dog food all with Luke's face on the package, GOTTA SAVE THAT BRAND. 

But the thing that seems to be bumming Luke the most is his strained relationship with his son, Cold. Cold is staying with his grandparents on his mom's side, and doesn't want to see Luke right now. They manage to hash out a payment plan for the feds, but it doesn't matter … the Forbes reporter from the awful photo shoot last week has found out about the embezzlement, and the article is now going to be about how Luke is a bonehead who doesn't notice that $40 million disappeared. Also, his business lady girlfriend is no more, and that's fair! She tried to do her job but it seems like she's probably the only honest employee Luke ever had, and she still mixed business and pleasure, which is the dumbest idea in the world. Luke should never be in charge of hiring again. 

He tries to go apologize to Cold, but Cold is LIKE ICE. "So you lost your girlfriend and your brand and now your son, SICK BURN, DOOR SLAM!" What a teen. No wonder he and Maddie get along so well. 

Avery

Lil' baby Cadence is spending some quality time with the dudes that live with her, Will and Gunnar. Whilst playing a rousing game of "Who's Cutest?" (sorry Cadence, Will won) they spot a TV segment about Juliette, and notice that Cadence recognizes her mother. Avery busts in all pissed off that a child might be aware of who her mother is, like some sort of Dickensian nightmare character who is shame'd that the glory child has a mother of ill repute.

Emily, Juliette's assistant/nanny/only friend tells Avery that she's been in touch with Juliette, who has checked herself into treatment and knows that she has postpartum depression. Avery ain't care, and thinks that Juliette is manipulating sweet, kind Emily. He also thinks that now would be a super-good time to fire her from watching the baby, on account of her great sin of talking to the baby's sick mother.  

Juliette's doctor, who must be real expensive, goes to Avery's house and asks him if Juliette can have access to her child in order to: 1) facilitate Juliette's healing, and 2) give Cadence a chance to know her mother. Avery is not super down with this idea, and the doctor straight up throws it in his face that his boneheadedness will come back to bite him when Cadence gets older. He ponders this, I can tell, because he has a ponderous face. He and Emily yell it out one more time for the road, too. But then he looks at Cadence's baby book and changes his mind, and invites Emily back to babysit and also shuttle Cadence back and forth between him and hospitalized Juliette. 

Will

Wellity wellity wellity, guess who is a big ol' closeted lecherous hypocrite jagoff? Wade Cole, that's who. After a songwriting room is "mistakenly" not booked, Cole invites Will over to his house for some songwriting and sexual harassment. Oh, he's normal at first, letting Will use the front door like a human being, but after a while Cole grabs his thigh and goes in for a kiss, far less successfully than even Marcus. Will is like "I'm not judging you, I am just confused and upset on account of you being a bigot in the closet." Cole tells him that he's got it all (millions of dollars, a loveless marriage with a crazy person, a penchant for creeping on nice guys), and Will could have had that too if he had just stayed in the closet. Will shuts him down and says he's happier to have chosen the path he did. Yay Will! Every inch of self-loathing that is eradicated is such a boon to his character. 

And thanks for reading, everybody! Have a good winter break, and I'll see you in, I dunno, February or something? My hope for 2016? ALL THREE OF THOSE GUYS SING TO THAT BABY, STOP TEASING ME.

And:

Avery = Selleck 

Will = Danson 

Gunnar = Guttenberg 

Just for the record.