Vin Diesel is a huge role-playing gaming geek. The only way not to know this by now is by completely avoiding every interview the actor has done in the past decade, where he's more likely to discuss the characters he's created for his latest Dungeons & Dragons scenario than to promote in any real detail his latest film. The Last Witch Hunter, the latest action bonanza in the Diesel oeuvre, is a film custom-fitted to the actor’s new persona of nerdy meathead.
Produced by Diesel himself as a starring vehicle in between Fast & Furious appearances, the story is based on a character he created during one of those late-night sessions of D&D. Whether due to the talents of director Breck Eisner (behind the camera here for the first time since the underrated 2010 remake of The Crazies) or Diesel's love of this goofy material, The Last Witch Hunter manages to be not as terrible as it should be.
You may notice that I didn’t say the film was actually good. Here we have a convergence of elements that teeter from ridiculous to surprisingly unique. The audience would expect Diesel’s Kaulder — an immortal cursed with eternal life by the Witch Queen he vanquished centuries ago — to be a hack-and-slash machine bent on the extinction of witches. Instead, by way of explaining that there are shades of grey in every situation, he points to a New York City building he watched being built in the cover of night atop a mass grave of forgotten slaves.
Kaulder patrols the world of witchcraft, allowing certain enchantments within the walls of their own societal hangouts while confiscating deadly relics from young goth Wiccans who don’t realize the power they possess. He does this with the help of a secret sect of priests (Michael Caine and Elijah Wood amongst them) who use him as a weapon of sorts in order to keep the status quo.
Were we able to investigate the world Kaulder has built for himself through the centuries, perhaps the audience would be more invested in the movie's pivotal action scenes. Unfortunately, this is yet another film where the filmmakers believe dark, badly rendered CGI battles will get folks through the turnstiles, instead of allowing Diesel to earnestly explain that “elemental magic is neutral.”
Like his series of Riddick films, Diesel believes that audiences are dying for more stories involving the Kaulder character, as evidenced by the ubiquitous ending setting up a sequel. Alas, there is just as much chance of a groundswell of support for Nicolas Cage’s 2011 clunker Season of the Witch as for this half-baked fantasy. Start saving up those charisma points, pal.
