Deacon
Deke and Jessie are moving forward with their relationship — lots of texting and general back-and-forth about if they’re in a relationship! It’s murky, of course, because of divorce and death and kids. They don’t want things to get awkward! But, oh no, apparently Deacon and Jessie were having a date at the same coffee shop his 14-year-old daughter frequents! Spotted! Whoops!
Because hardly any of the adults on this show have friends who aren’t family or paid subordinates, both Deacon and Jessie confide in Scarlett (a thing of hand sanitizer that leaked in your bag) that Daphne walked in on their public coffee date, presumably near their children’s school. She advises them benignly and sagely, and Deacon finally tells the girls that he and Jessie are dating.
Daphne says she wasn’t upset about the dating — she was upset about the secrecy! But, of course, actually she IS upset about the dating. You know, in a lot of ways, this show is about the profoundly traumatic childhood of Poor Little Daphne Jaymes.
Deacon Daphne
Here’s what I can remember, from the top: Her evil grandfather murdered her grandmother decades before and basically forced her mother out of the house as a teen, her stepmom (who was crazy) got murdered, her biological father is a felon/disgraced politician, her mom almost remarried but then THAT family went away, then her mom finally married the man she loved (who is her sister’s father, but NOT hers) and then her mom died in a car wreck after almost dying in another, previous car wreck. Also, everyone seems to like her older sister more.
Anyway, now her stepdad (a recovering alcoholic who got drunk and smashed stuff up only a few years ago) is dating some hot new broad and she’s basically an orphan and her beloved older sister is spending most of her time hanging around cute boys. Legit — is she in therapy? Does she still talk to her one friend, the homeless girl? Poor, pretty Daphne the forgotten — her world is so beyond broken that she gets to sing the solo song this week!
Maddie
While her young sister wanders from coffee shop to coffee shop, Maddie has been spending more time with the Bieber-esque Hot Young Thing, Jonah. They go to Sinema! She turns down alcohol! He says he wants her to record a song with him and she says OK! Maddie — HOW MUCH ARE YOU GETTING PAID FOR THIS? Is this not what “people” are for? Where is Bucky? Where is Deacon? You have GOT to make money moves, little girl!!
Maddie and Jonah and his entourage peel around town having Wild Youth Moments like running from fans, watching scary movies and doing snuggles. But like every single time with Maddie, she forgets that she’s famous and hangs out with famous people who love fame and court fame and want to be famous, so there are paparazzi shots of them together. She plays it “cool” (pretending you care far less than you do in order to save face) and Jonah lies that he doesn’t even care what other people think of him!!
But one of the members of his entourage, “Twig,” has known Jonah since 8th grade. Hold onto your butts. Get ready for your monocle to pop out of your eye. Your wig might spin around on your dome when I tell you: In 8th grade, this celebrity child was a bully. But “Twig” learned at a young age how to fight back, “I told Jonah that his face looked like his butt threw up.” Then they became friends! He is a nice and cute boy and he is nice to Maddie.
Maddie decides she doesn’t want to date celebrities any more.
Juliette
It’s weird to keep agreeing with Avery all the time, but he’s still a mite bit skeptical of this cult his wife is so intent on joining. She takes him to the Centre and he meets the guru who says he doesn’t like being called a guru. He tells Avery that he doesn’t claim to have all the answers, just that he has decades of experience practicing “coherent philosophy.”
What is coherent philosophy, you might ask? Well! According to the non-guru, it’s ideas that are far older than civilization and he brings these ideas to crowds. Oh, well, when you put it THAT way. On the ride home, Juliette confronts Avery about thinking this crap is a load of crap. Avery is like, "Oh, I never said it was crap. I just think you decided to let a stranger control all aspects of your life all of a sudden." She says it’s about ACCEPTANCE. Maybe this guru will help her accept herself!
At the cult’s BBQ day, Juliette randomly starts to sing and everyone else is like, "Wow, time to stop what we’re doing and listen!" They applaud and praise her. The cult guru, who I want to repeat is not an expert or psychologist or indeed appears to be a professional in any capacity, is like, “Why do you use your gift so people will praise you?”
Juliette — just go to therapy!!!! It’s basically the same thing and you don’t have to live there.
Will
Remember Zack, the billionaire tech genius who loved Rayna and country music so much that he moved to Nashville and bought her record label? And who dated Will, for a minute? Well, turns out Zack would now like to go back to California and use some of his billions to run for Senate. Will the wealthy dilettante find success in politics? Golly, who can say.
Will feels sad that his ex is leaving town. He goes to see him one last time, for closure. Who among us hasn’t sought closure when a former lover moves across the country to attempt to become one of two Senators from one of the two most powerful states in the U.S.? He’s trying to move on, but instead he just lifts weights, angrily. At the gym, he meets a cute boy and they go back to his house to do it. But Will can’t do it!! Because he has a hot bod and has mentioned in 2-3 episodes that he works out a lot, apparently he takes HGH and steroids. That’s why his dick’s all broke.
Gunnar sees him taking the drugs and is like “Uh, okay.” PSA-ass story. WILL DESERVES BETTER.
