Juliette & Avery
One of America’s many celebrity-gossip TV shows is doing a report on Juliette, who is now claiming “The Movement for Coherent Philosophy” is a cult. Gosh, but the name seems so legit! Now with Avery gone and seemingly falling more and more in love with Alannah, Juliette mostly confides in her friend Hallie, who, let’s not forget, first met Juliette in a field strapped to an airplane seat after falling from the sky. Juliette’s got bad news: Baby Cadence is running a mild fever, and oh yeah, she’s pregnant again. But she doesn’t want to tell Avery, because that would “manipulate” him into returning to her.
Meanwhile, Avery and Alannah are recording beautiful music together. It’s like a duet music video from the ’90s, full-on Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle. But Brad is always there, and he’s so gross! Brad believes he is “falling” for Alannah, but she is still trying to deflect his advances ... or IS she? (Fun fact, Anne Boleyn became queen because she refused to be Henry VIII’s mistress, and put off sleeping with him for SIX YEARS. It didn’t work out in the end, of course, but I don’t think Alannah is a history buff. Will Alannah and Brad sire the next Elizabeth I? Only fanfic will tell.) Anyway, Brad is gross. Cults are also gross, and Juliette holds a press conference outside of the cult's headquarters, wearing white. She’s busted out Rosa and her son, who is a LITTLE BOY. I have no idea why I was imagining a teenager. Juliette also takes this time to announce she’s leaving the music industry and retiring from the public eye. This press conference has Alannah mildly shook, and she tells Avery that they just met at the wrong time. They break up, I guess. Have fun with Brad?
Remember how the baby had a fever that was probably nothing? Well, folks, hold on to your fucking hats — Cadence is actually sick with a fever of 104. Yikes! Juliette and Avery high-tail it to be with the baby. She’s got pneumonia! But she’s fine! Whew! Avery watched Juliette’s press conference and wanted to know if she was sincere about leaving the biz. She’s so serious she bought a farm. They reminisce about going through a lot together, like cults and murders and stuff.
Scarlett
Scarlett, a magnetic poetry kit missing one-third of the words, finds out from her faux-beau The Soldier that the ranch is gonna git shut down! The old lady couldn’t make vaguely defined payments! Is she renting the horses, or ... ? They decide to throw a benefit concert, which, from my POV, is the most accurate Nashville-type thing to ever happen on this show. Good luck, Mickey and Judy!
Scarlett’s ... boyfriend’s ... (???) ... wife thanks her for saving her husband. She just waltzed right the hell in and now it’s like he’s got something to live for. She and the baby weren’t enough, so like, thanks for reminding him of the power of the guitar. Sometimes she thinks he’d be better off with Scarlett than her! Scarlett doesn’t say anything, and then the scene ends. Uh, I’d like to see how this conversation wrapped up!
Scarlett and her muse sing together at the bennie, and I am naming their duo Babywhispers. His wife is looking at the stage all weird and sad again. After the set, Scarlett and dude converse backstage. (YES, the horse ranch has a backstage, and YES, it has two lighted makeup vanity sets, like a professional theater.) Maybe the old ranch lady could have sold those and thrown a couple hundred bucks toward hay? Can’t believe this horse farm has money troubles. “You broke my heart like a wild angel,” he says. “Go be with your wife and kid,” she says. They sadly kiss goodbye and that’s probably the end of him, right? Bye I guess!!! Good luck with your emotions!!!
Rock-and-Roll Gunnar
At the dude house, Will is drinking a cup of TEA like some kind of IDIOT. He winces and everything, and Gunnar is like, WHAT THE FUCK are you drinking, TEA??? I have no idea why any of them think this is weird. Has Will never in his life had hot tea before? Anyway, Gunnar is sad because he’s a loser with no band and no girlfriend. All he has is the home he owns, an award-winning songwriting career, youth, handsome looks and friends. Will says their old band should have been more like Fleetwood Mac (you mean good?).
A coffee lunch with Scarlett (will they get back together in the final episode??) encourages Gunnar to pick up his guitar again, and he starts off with a little ditty about being a washed-up douchebag. Will wanders in and mentions he’s going to go see Steve Earle play that evening. Gunnar has a goddamn tantrum and is like WHY DIDN’T U TELL ME HE WAS HERE WOW I HATE U. Haha JK, Will got the tix for Gunnar! They are best friends!! Buddies!!
So literally Steve Earle is there and he performs a song. Personally, although no one ever asks me, I would have had Steve Earle reprise his role as Walon from The Wire. He could have met Deacon at an AA meeting or something, and that crossover would have officially placed Nashville in the Tommy Westphall Universe. Steve saw Gunnar in the crowd (sure) and wants to have a chat after the show. Really? OK. Steve Earle gives Gunnar advice on songwriting. Again, sure. OK. “Try not being Gunnar Scott.” Just be a totally different person. That’s what I’ve been saying!! Steve must read the recaps.
So Gunnar works on a wild, crazy new song with riffs and melodies and, gosh, just all kinds of musical components. Will teaches Gunnar how to have “stage presence” and “charisma” and “fun.” Gunnar debuts his new song — where else — at the hottest motherfucking show in town, the Equine Therapy Benefit Concert! This song totally rocks, and you can tell because Gunnar is wearing a denim vest. “You got me going electric now,” he sings. It’s deeply funny.
Also:
Twig leaves Jonah’s entourage after a they wrestle around in inflatable pool toys. Congrats to Maddie on getting a cute new boyfriend with one episode to spare! And Deacon finds out that his Daddy’s Drinking again. Oh no! I hope they can resolve this next week in less than 42 minutes.
