Looking for something white and trashy yet somehow formal to do tonight? Do you like beer? Do you like dungeon-like bars that somehow still exist beneath the giant, eviscerated corpses of abandoned bowling alleys? Do you like Eight Avenue South? Do you want to party in the same bar where the Scene used to have "staff meetings"? Do you like bands? Do you like DJs? Do you like going to things for free and drinking and listening to bands and DJs? Yes? Well, then Melrose Billiards is your destination tonight, for the White Trash Formal — wear your Larry the Cable Guy T-shirt that's printed to look like a beer-stained tuxedo — featuring bands (Brandon Jazz and His Armed Forces, Nite Nite, Evan P. Donohue) and DJs (Kobra and some guy named Sean Maloney).
I'm gonna charge 537 Budweisers to Maloney's tab tonight and see if the bank notices! (Not that anything like that happened recently.) The way I'll know he's drunk enough for me to get away with it is when he stops spinning snappy soul numbers and starts playing 12-minute psych jams or Sunn O))) songs "because it's awesome, you fucking Pitchfork-worshiping hipster douchebag!" This party is free, like I said, and remember — this is a friendly neighborhood bar, not an "attraction."
