My nephew meeting Santa for the first time looks a lot like me hearing "Do They Know It's Christmas" for the first time every December.
Congratulations, Eminem! According to
last week's Lunchtime Poll, you are a bigger turkey than Kid Rock! (On a related note to all commenters: If you want me to reconsider my opinion on a band or musician you find to be really talented, maybe don't imply that the only reason I could ever dislike them is if my boyfriend beats me. Okay? Okay.)
Do you hear what I hear? The air has become saturated with Bing Crosby, Darlene Love, and Frank Sinatra. Since Dec. 1, every store, gas station and downtown street corner has been bumping Christmas carols. While I admittedly have a much higher tolerance for the onslaught of sonic Yuletide cheer than your average human (I listen to "Last Christmas" year-round), I can still recognize that not every Christmas song is great. In fact, some are 100% terrible.
The first musical crime in the name of Christmas that comes to mind, of course, is "Do They Know It's Christmas," the privileged anthem where a bunch of rich people tell poor people in third world countries it's Christmas. It boasts the embarrassingly clueless line "Tonight thank God it's them instead of you!" It's awful. And this year the oft-criticized song got a reboot for its 30th anniversary (posted after the jump), featuring appearances from One Direction, Chris Martin, Rita Ora, Ed Sheeran and more. It's not much better than the original, but at least they changed that especially troublesome line.
Another notoriously hated song is "
The Christmas Shoes." The only good to come from this shameless ballad is Patton Oswalt's hilarious take down, which you can
watch here.
On first glance it might look like "Baby It's Cold Outside" is a hard song to hate until you really listen to the lyrics, where it sounds as though the man is attempting to date rape his female company — "Say, what's in this drink" would imply, of course, that there's a little more than just rum in that Hot Buttered.
So this week's Lunchtime Poll asks: What's the worst Christmas song of all time? Feel free to write-in your nomination — I'm sure there are many more out there, ones that no matter how hard you try you just can't escape.
