OK, M&Ms, That's Enough Now

Pumpkin spice is beyond done — it's so done, in fact, that it's never going to actually go away. It's no longer a trend; it's a part of us now. It's a part of fall. Forever. Pumpkin Spice-flavored and -scented everything is a seasonal mainstay and I've accepted that. I can't be angry anymore. 

This, though ... this is not something I will accept. Pumpkin Spice Latte M&Ms? Packaged with the the smug hipster M&M wearing her jerk hipster scarf and on-point eyebrow game, no less. They do not taste like coffee, they do not taste like pumpkin spice — they just taste like chemical coated chocolate with a vague cinnamon aftertaste. I hate them. They were not created to be enjoyed, they were created to be bought and tasted and talked about and eventually forgotten. (Worth noting: Other Scene coworkers did not hate them, but they also did not like them enough to ever want to buy them.)

These M&Ms follow up Mars' previous attempts to candy coat a season — last year we saw Pumpkin Spice and Candy Corn M&Ms (which were — shocker! — also not good). There are, reportedly Pecan Pie M&Ms, too, but I have yet to see them in the wild.

BUT WHY CAN'T M&Ms JUST BE M&Ms?

This clickbait candy bullshit has got to stop. (I'm looking at you, too, Oreos.)

This insistence on taking a tasty, reliable and classic treat and turning it into something so curious and/or gross that it just has to be bought and tried is going too far (related: Cappuccino potato chips).

These seasonal monstrosities are the the edible equivalent of a listicle with the headline that screams, "You won't believe what happens next!" At first these experiments felt genuine — it seemed as though candy companies really did want to find a new classic. Now, though, they're just fucking with us. Not Pumpkin Spice M&Ms, but Pumpkin Spice Latte? And Oreos just released a new flavor, Cookies & Cream. THAT'S JUST OREO-FLAVORED OREOS!

To you, M&Ms, I say this: Don't go changing, to try and please me, I love you just the way you are.