Weathermen have it made. Think about it: They get to make wild claims, be wrong a great deal of the time, and still have no fear of getting fired. There’s only one other job in this country where you can do all that — and that one’s taken, at least through 2020. Outside of The Snowbird Incident (when WSMV laid off the station veteran who played the avian weather mascot), TV weather folks are untouchable. And while I am deeply jealous of them, I have felt their pain over the past month.
January 2019 has been plagued by unpredictable and unstable weather. During the first three weeks of the month, Nashville had only five clear, sunny days. Five! About 10 days it rained. One day it tried to snow but mostly failed, and another day we hit 70 degrees. Living through this sloppy, volatile mess is like living in my own sinus cavity, or inside The Bachelor mansion, and I am over it.
Luckily, there is a scientific solution: spicy food. Spicy stuff is legitimately good for you for several reasons: 1) It contains capsaicin, a magic chemical found in chili peppers that releases endorphins, which make you happy; 2) it clears your sinuses, which we need in a city where we’re all walking around using our sweaters like torso-sized tissues; and 3) spicy foods boost your metabolism. I’ll pause on that one while you take a victory lap around your couch or the nail salon or, more likely, the bathroom where you’re reading this. It’s that last fact that will keep me going until we reach our annual 2 inches of snowfall sometime mid-March. Well, that and the fact that having Googled some stuff and “predicted” the weather, I am now a meteorologist. Dream achieved!
Now let’s eat ourselves skinny, starting with not-so-hot and ending with melt-your-face-off. Before we begin, a note: I don’t traffic in “shut-the-cluck-up” hotness, wherein you can’t taste anything but your own stupidity. These dishes actually taste good. They’re hot, but with a purpose. Like Natalie Portman. And because there is such an abundance of writing about hot chicken in our city, we’ve largely decided to skip fiery fowl — with one slight exception — for the purposes of this particular roundup.
Spicy Crab Noodles
The Green Pheasant, 215 First Ave. S.
Heat level: 1
The sauce says it all: garlic, crab butter, chili. The chewy, springy noodles soak up just enough buttery goodness to create a sort of Asian mac-and-cheese effect. Are they spicy? Not very, but they are a phenomenal umami-bomb, and weaklings have to eat too. Spicy food with training wheels.
Sausage & Peppers Sandwich
Nicoletto’s Italian Kitchen, 2905 Gallatin Pike
Heat level: 1
Also in the spicy-food starter kit is this sandwich at Nicoletto’s. Spicy-sweet Italian sausage, onions and peppers are topped with from-scratch marinara, basil and cheese, all melted together on a light, crusty French roll. It has just a hint of heat, so you can easily have this for lunch without needing to down a whole lot of Prilosec first.
Spicy Jerk Chicken
Jamaicaway, 1812 Hayes St. (also at the Nashville Farmers’ Market, 900 Rosa L. Parks Blvd.)
Heat level: 2
Jamaicaway’s chicken is piquant and succulent: smoked on the bone and slathered in jerk sauce that’s a perfect mix of peppery heat, bright herbs and brown-sugar sweetness. Think the richness of redeye gravy with the heat of a hot wing. The default heat level is mild, but I plan to try out “FIYAH” next time, despite the fact that it should definitely be spelled “FI-YAH” so as to not confuse old people into falling down an Urban Dictionary hole. Not that I’ve done that.
Hot Fish Sandwich
Husk Nashville, 37 Rutledge St.
Heat level: 2.5
If you think a fish sandwich sounds like a light lunch, brace yourself. Husk is taking catfish, dredging it in buttermilk and frying it before tossing it in the Southern Coronary Trifecta: bacon fat, country ham fat and freaking lard. As if that wouldn’t obliterate you on its own, they then dust the fish with wing rub (malt vinegar, hot sauce powder) and stack it on white bread with thick-cut white onion, bibb lettuce, pickles and sweet-onion tartar. Go ahead and pack the defibrillator paddles.
Szechuan Pork Miso Ramen
Otaku Ramen, 1104 Division St.
Heat level: 3
At Otaku Ramen, I ride for the Spicy Miso. But there’s something about a particularly dank day that calls for Szechuan. In this bowl of liquid gold, they combine pork and miso broth (the best of both broths) and top it with bok choy, crunchy bean sprouts, hot long peppers and Szechuan pork. Where capsaicin would produce a burning sensation, Szechuan peppers cause tingling, which scientists say can make your taste buds feel as though they’re actually vibrating. For true masochists, it’s a must.
Tamales With Red Sauce
El Burrito Mexicano at the Nashville Farmers’ Market
Heat level: 3
As a native Memphian, I’ve spent my 12 years in Nashville wishing we were closer to Mississippi for only one reason: tamales. I wish no more. The tamales at El Burrito Mexicano are perfect little packets of love and masa: tender shredded pork wrapped in a fluffy corn blanket. Douse your $3 bundle with the deep-red hot sauce on the counter for a truly satisfying hot lunch.
Bucatini Rigate
Pastaria, 8 City Blvd.
Heat level: 3.5
Every time I order this I think, “Calabrian chilies — those aren’t so bad,” and every time I am wrong. Roasted they can be mild, but they are absolutely not mild in the bucatini at Pastaria. This dish has it all: acidic, garlicky tomatoes; earthy lamb; salty Pecorino Romano; toothsome pasta. And it’s all underscored by hot, fruity chilies packing an unexpected bite.
Spicy Shrimp & Grits
51 North Taproom, 704 51st Ave. N.
Heat level: 4
If I had to identify where our list switches from slow burn to things that make you go “Hoo!” this is it. When you order shrimp-and-grits, you expect richness, not heat — especially at 51 North Taproom, where the dish is made with cheese grits, Guinness and heavy cream. But whatever mix of chili peppers they’re throwing in that sauce produces the kind of heat that makes you swallow a little when you talk about it later — and keeps you coming back for more.
Goat Curry
Swagruha at the Nashville Farmers’ Market
Heat level: 4
When you take your first bite of Swagruha’s curry, you’ll think I’m weak for ranking this here — but just wait. About 30 seconds after you eat that piece of naan you’ve dragged through the dark-brown sauce, the heat will get you right behind the eyes. Certain bites of the tender, peppery goat meat are deadly on their own, but the aromatic rice balances it out. It’s part hot pot, part pot roast, and all spicy Indian goodness.
Bún bò Huế
Kien Giang, 5825 Charlotte Pike
Heat level: 4.5
Nobody knows how to do heat better than the Vietnamese, and this spicy beef noodle soup at Kien Giang is proof of that. You’ll know you’ve ordered correctly if and only if your server laughs at you because she knows you can’t handle this. (She is right: “Blood cubes” aren’t for everyone.) But enjoy it nonetheless. The shame is part of the charm.
Hot Chicken Chunks
The Original Corner Pub, 4109 Hillsboro Pike
Heat level: 5
I swore hot chicken would not make this list, and I contend it still hasn’t: Hot chicken chunks are their own thing, and The Corner Pub has been bringing us dry, vicious hotness for decades. Big chunks of white meat are fried, and the little crispy bits on the edges are heavily dusted in a diabolical dark seasoning that I believe to be equal parts cayenne, MSG and sweet, hot evil in powder form.
St. Pasquale Pizza: Spicy
Nicky’s Coal Fired, 5026 Centennial Blvd.
Heat level: 5
Hot or not, Nicky’s St. Pasquale Pizza is excellent: pepperoni, pecorino Romano, lots of shaved garlic and spicy giardiniera (pickled, tart, crunchy veggies). Order it with the off-menu “spicy” designation and you get St. Pasquale on steroids: The garlic gets more pungent; the tomato sauce gets tangier; even the pickled items get more delightfully punishing. If you dare, get it drizzled with the house-made hot sauce. The stuff is basically napalm, so owners Tony and Caroline Galzin only use it on staff meals, but it can be yours for a limited time.
Molcajete Special With Tomatillo Sauce, Poblanos and Jalapeños
El Sombrero Mexican Restaurant No. 2, 7066 Charlotte Pike
Heat level: 5
Can you improve upon fajitas? El Sombrero just might have. The meat-and-veggie combo served there comes, as all good things do, in a sizzling volcano-rock bowl, covered with cheese, drowning in sauce. Ordering properly is crucial: You want tomatillo sauce, poblanos and jalapeños. When it comes, you will find yourself soaking up every bit of the soupy, peppery sauce with your tortillas. Your upper lip will start to sweat. You’ll order another big beer. And you’ll know the truth: If ever you seek dangerous, nasty hotness, you can always find it here — in a strip mall next to Walmart.
