Matchmakers Kim Grammas (left) and Lindsey Mulligan
Love is a many-splendored thing. It can also be quite elusive. That might be why local matchmakers Lindsey Mulligan and Kim Grammas have such a high demand for their services. The pair’s company, Nashville Singles, has clients with ages ranging from late 20s to early 80s who pay a fee to be matched through a 72-point compatibility test with other local singles. (Nashville Singles declined to elaborate to the Scene on how much the service costs.) Still, it’s not entirely a numbers game.
“When we’re talking about love, it really only takes one match — one spark — and the willingness to fall in love,” Mulligan says.
Mulligan and Grammas have more than 25 years of matchmaking experience between them, and they shared some of what they’ve learned during a recent conversation with the Scene.
People are wanting to meet in person now more than ever.
“I think with all of the disconnect the last few years, people have suffered from that,” Grammas says. “They’re wanting to reconnect in a more real way.”
That ethos is reflected in the service’s business model too. While other matchmaking services are completely online, Nashville Singles takes a different approach.
“We meet every single member face to face,” Mulligan says. “I get to know them extremely well, and they can always call me, text me if they need some support, guidance, anything of that nature. Matchmaking is definitely the core of what we do, but our process isn’t only to find people their perfect match — it’s to allow them to gain insights into themselves as well.”
It’s true, the apps really aren’t what they used to be.
Dating apps became ubiquitous when the pandemic shut down the entire country — and the old-fashioned meet-cute along with it. But in 2023, the apps have more people to sift through, and that means more fake accounts, too.
“What I always tell my clients or prospective clients is that these apps and websites, they did serve a purpose at one time,” Mulligan says. “In the dating realm now, it’s kind of hard to gauge the authenticity of how someone portrays themselves.”
Clients come to the matchmakers frustrated with the amount of time it takes to be successful on the apps, Grammas says.
“I don’t want to say it doesn’t happen, because I certainly know people with success stories [on dating apps],” she says. “But it feels like now, in the current moment, it is like a needle-in-a-haystack type of situation.”
It’s time to look past aesthetics and into value systems.
“Bumble, Match — all of those dating apps and websites — the first thing is they look at people aesthetically,” Mulligan says. “I think that that leads people to neglect their own value system and how it may be in line with somebody that you don’t necessarily expect to fall for.”
“Make sure that their values and morals and lifestyle align with yours,” adds Grammas. “Of course you can have different interests. You don’t have to be the same exact human, but if those core things don’t really match up — most of the time, those are the things that make it not work in the end. Sometimes people overlook that because maybe there’s a lot of chemistry.”
Go on at least three dates with the same person.
Nashville Singles has a three-date rule, and each date should be something different. For the first date, they suggest something casual — a coffee, lunch or drink. The second should be something more interactive — a museum visit, sporting event or concert. The third should incorporate two steps, like a show and dinner. There should be a slow buildup and a valiant effort to get to know the person, Grammas says.
“The problem is a lot of us are used to an emotional roller coaster,” Grammas says. “The instant we don’t feel this crazy spark, we think something’s wrong. But that’s actually not the case at all. It just means that your nervous system isn’t being jolted in any sense.”
You don’t have to fake it, but try to keep a positive attitude.
This means don’t kick off the conversation by talking about how tough the dating scene has been thus far, Grammas and Mulligan advise.
“We always suggest, especially in the beginning, our main focus is for them to keep a positive optimistic attitude, because people can really pick up on negativity,” Grammas says. “So no matter what topic they’re talking about, speak about it in a light of positivity.”
Sometimes, you’re just not ready.
At Nashville Singles, the matchmakers will not include someone in their membership who isn’t “authentic and open to meeting someone for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.”
“We do a really rigorous kind of process to ensure that every single member is sincere about meeting someone, and they aren’t portraying themselves as someone they aren’t,” Mulligan says.
