Deacon and Daphne
Remember one time years and years ago when Rayna met a girl who lived in her car, or whatever? I vaguely do! Well, I guess the whole family was super involved with this foster-care … charity … for a while. That’s where they sent Liv, who, we are all assured, has been placed with a very nice family. Since the Jaymes/Claybourne family still supports the charity, ol’ Deke has been asked to perform, and donate one of Rayna’s state costumes to auction off.
Maddie and Daphne do NOT want Deacon to take away any of their late mother’s clothes. They loved her and they love her closet full of expensive high fashion that they know, somewhere in the dark recesses of our selfish animal brains that we try our best to ignore, will be theirs to own someday. But once they see Deacon (randomly, blindly) selected a hideous sequined jacket, they are like, “Oh no, you can get rid of that one.” It’s funny and good.
Are you guys ready for a super-weird twist? That Jessie lady who Deacon kind of has a crush on is going to be at the charity event, too! She and Deacon are at the same table; he witnesses her ex being a creep, she witnesses his tears as that ugly-ass jacket is auctioned off for $50k, which is INSANE. Deke and Jessie talk about their issues at the loading dock, like you do. She says her ex is ruining her son, Deacon’s still sad about being a widower and all. He goes back inside to perform his sad country song in honor of his beautiful dead wife, and all the hot rich ladies at the charity cry. Deke — well played.
While Deacon is at the charity event, Daphne is at a Teen Party. She believes, at first, that parents and lots of kids and movies will be present, but no — there is booze and R&B music and making out. She and Flynn, that boy she likes, are appropriately 7th grade about the whole thing, and keep away from the make-out orgy.
Also? Daphne and Flynn are dorks. (I relate VERY hard.) They talk about zombie movies and BIRDS. God bless Flynn, the poor 7th grade boy who knows a lot about birds. His teen years are going to be rough, and none of this sweet dorkiness is going to pay off until he’s at least 26. He tells Daphne he reads books. “Cool,” she says. They swing on the swing set. Daphne goes home, and tells older sister Maddie about the party where she didn’t kiss anyone and talked about birds. Again — this show is good now.
Scarlett and Gunnar
Scarlett, a yogurt parfait where the granola’s gone soggy, and Gunnar agree to do a commercial for Not Ikea, because they are into the idea of … the commercial being stupid? It’s hard to tell. The premise is they assemble a table together and NOT get into a fight, which is usually what happens when couples try to assemble furniture together. The furniture guy says their demo is more than 50 percent millennials, who know that life is complicated. They’re the first generation to ever get that, in fact. No one over the age of 35 has ever had that thought.
But hey, turns out they’re not going to assemble a table — it’s a crib. Cool switcheroo! The commercial is, of course, hilarious. This is now TWO episodes this season with a really good commercial-filming montage. There’s a delicate feather-soft Exes ballad playing in the background while they put together the white crib, but, uh-oh: Guess who breaks down crying. Scarlett. Guys, look — I am a KNOWN crybaby, sensitive to slights and triggered by anything remotely sentimental. “Look at these antique plates, someone loved them and now they’re dead.” This is how I think. This is my burden. It’s lifelong. I’ve cried probably six times this week. All that said — Scarlett cries a LOT. She doesn’t like the idea of pimping out her baby for more Instagram followers. Well, should have thought of that before you agreed to do the commercial, I guess?
On the way home, Scarlett and Gunnar stop at a grocery store for milk. If it’s the store I think it is, it is located at the corner of a fairly prominent East Nashville intersection, and as well-lit and well-trafficked, even at night. Some Bad Teens approach them and ask Gunnar to buy them beer. He refuses, so the ringleader whips out a gun (sure) and mugs them. If you thought THAT escalated quickly, the Bad Teen pushes Scarlett hard into a car (hmmm) and forces Gunnar to his knees and puts a gun to his head. He gets pistol-whipped and, uh, the end. What the fuck?
Gunnar also whined a lot about how Scarlett doesn’t want to be with him. Guys, look — I am a KNOWN whiner, sensitive to bugs and temperature fluctuations and triggered by anything remotely annoying. “Look at these antique plates, they’re nicer than my plates. Why are my plates so shitty? God I hate my plates.” This is how I think. This is my burden. It’s lifelong. I’ve whined probably six times in the past hour. All that said — Gunnar is the biggest fucking whiner I have ever seen in my life.
Juliette and Avery
Even though she crushed her spine after falling out of an airplane and couldn’t walk for a while, Juliette is beating herself up for not nailing the choreography as she prepares for her tour. I really wish the show would talk more about how weird it is that she survived a plane crash and is fine, after she was paralyzed. I mean, that’s that good soap opera shit. Stick it in my veins. (Also, the choreographer is a middle-aged arthritic that works with pop stars and says things like “Being human is a bitch.” Please give him a spin-off.)
So Juliette’s had a bad day. She’d like to talk about it with Avery, but he’s in Atlanta on the first date of his tour, opening for Dierks Bentley, sure, why not. Good luck in Atlanta, douche. But babies who can talk are much more fun and interesting than babies who can’t, so he’s feeling sad about hitting the road while Cadence hits toddler milestones.
At his hotel, the bartender, at the very beginning of her shift, starts flirting with him IMMEDIATELY. Like, instantly. Does this hotel have super ugly clientele, usually? She finds out he’s in a band, and so on and so forth. His show was great. He sang a circa ’97 Britpop-style song, this show has almost completely excised country music and it’s funny. The ladies in the crowd were swooning. And back at the hotel bar, he gets drunk and parties with his band. The bartender is still flirting, this time inappropriately — she takes away his phone while he’s on a call with Juliette. And she invites herself up to his room to “fix his TV.”
Juliette calls drunk Avery a couple hours later when he’s back in his room. She can tell he’s whispering. She can tell he’s in the bathroom. Someone is in the room! Who is there?!?! It is Yuri, some dude, come to fix the TV. Whew! He didn’t immediately cheat on Juliette after being out of town for *checks watch* 13 hours, or whatever. He likes the new him, who is not a dickhead. Great!
