Nashville Recap: 'Not Ready to Make Nice'

Juliette and Hallie

Hallie the banjo lady is in the studio doing a good ol’ traditional banjo song, and then thanks to the production of Avery it kicks into ROCK BANJO. Juliette doesn’t like it at all! She thinks it will never get played on the radio, because Juliette has never learned how to market music to hipsters and music nerds. Is Gillian Welch as rich as Shania Twain? No, but I bet she does pretty well for herself! Anyway, Hallie tells Avery that George, her married boyfriend, broke up with her. There was “no room for him in my new life,” she says he said. Uh GOOD RIDDANCE, bye forever you garbage man. “You are not alone. I’m here for you.” That’s what Avery tells her. Those are also basically Michael Jackson lyrics. 

Juliette is playing Hallie’s pop song to the big-time record company exec, Deacon. “I know Hallie’s hesitant, but that’s just because of fear,” says Juliette. Haha! Yeah, that’s typically it? Anyway, Deacon is “confused” by the sound of an arena ballad. “She’s a roots performer. Isn’t true success doing what you love it and doing it well?” Deacon thinks aloud. “If she fails on her own merit, so be it,” says Avery. “That’s the album I want for Highway 65,” says Deacon. No wonder the label is in trouble!

“I don’t see her as an artist, I see her as a STAR!” says Juliette of Hallie. There are very few artists + stars. Beyoncé? Lorde? At least Hallie’s already going by just one name. There’s some blah-blah about who gets to control the music, and then Juliette decides to let Hallie record her own stuff, instead of the big dramatic pop ballads Juliette prefers. 

Later, Juliette is watching All About Eve (this show is good now), and Avery comes home to brag on Hallie’s song. But the film has gotten to Juliette, who warns her ... husband (are they still married?) to keep an eye on Hallie. “I didn’t use a girl in a wheelchair to get a recording contract.” Haha! Juliette rewrites the post-crash history and claims that Hallie and her church friends used her. Avery reminds her that she basically stalked Hallie. This is funny and good. 

Juliette lashes out at Hallie and Avery because they appear to have a good working relationship. Hallie tells Juliette to not take her own issues out on the people who loves her, and Avery tells her to sit and think about what she did. Then everyone cries and/or eats microwaved soup.

Maddie and Daphne 

Daphne is still upset that she watched while her sassy little troubled friend made a mean meme about her sister. But then Maddie bursts in and grabs her sister’s laptop (rude) and sees it, connects the dots. “Get out of my house,” Maddie says to Liv, the homeless teen. She says she doesn’t belong in Rayna’s hideous mansion. Liv gives Daphne a deep teen female friendship hug (the realest hugs) and bounces. 

When Deke gets home, Maddie snitches. Daphne gets in a reasonable and appropriate amount of trouble — no phone for a month. “You caaaaan’t take my phone for a month, what if there’s an emergency,” Daphne teens at Deacon. The next morning, Maddie is taking business calls at the breakfast table. Her whole world is opening up (being repeatedly asked by strangers about her dead mom, in public) while Daphne’s only thing (her one friend) had to go. 

The girls are still fighting a day later. Daphne calls Maddie a bitch, Maddie calls Daphne a brat — they’re sisters IRL so it’s all pretty good stuff. But eventually, Maddie, the oldest, goes and apologizes. We eldest siblings are bred to be the “bigger person,” and it usually sucks but here it’s OK. They miss their mom! They cry and hug and say they need each other. They also go back to the squat to find Liv. She doesn’t want to move back in, because there are many homeless teens living in the warehouse; don’t they all need homes? Anyway, Maddie and Daphne are friends (and recording music together) again, Deacon does pretty good parenting, and the homeless girl is still homeless. 

Scarlett

Scarlett, a novelty coffee mug with a cute cartoon whale on it that says “Coffee Ahoy” (price, $35), and Gunnar are at one of Nashville’s many loud gas stations, filling up. Gunnar asks if she ever thinks about driving away and leaving it all behind, she tells him yes, and then gives him a recap of that episode. He says he can’t stand the touring and the cameras. Too bad you’re a musician, huh? I worked at an insurance company for seven years. Try that, if you hate leaving town and being famous. Suddenly, the gas station news channel yells at them from the pump — there are paparazzi photos of a Gunnar and a pregnant Scarlett out on the town! The story, much like my will to live, has broken! 

Out shopping, youngish female fans approach the two to congratulate them on the pregnancy. All the teens ask if they can take pictures and they…turn on the camera flash and just take pictures of Scarlett and Gunnar together. Instead of selfies. This makes no sense to me! Those kids 100 percent would take bad selfies with their favorite celebs. 

Back at home, Scarlett and Gunnar learn about Tumblr. “What the Sam Hill is a shipper, anyway?” Scarlett asks. Whoo, good luck girl. They scroll through fans who cosplay as them, and look at drawings of fan art — there’s even manga fan art. Who wants to be the one to explain to them what slash fic is? Please let it be me. “I don’t care what some bored 15-year-old from Nebraska writes about us online,” says Scarlett. Uh, you mean your fans??

A clever journalist from 33 1/3 Magazine, which does not exist, is talking to Scarlett about the music video The Exes made with Damien. Damien set her passion free but in a music video way, Scarlett says. The journo, who is also very pretty and bitchy (like all pop culture journos), tells Scarlett that she herself had an affair with Damien years ago. The reporter susses out, like, immediately, that Scarlett did the same, though she denies it. The evil-genius journalist does some quick Woman’s Math and figures out that Damien is the father of Scarlett’s baby. Later, Gunnar sees the story (wow what was this lady’s deadline, hella quick turnaround) and is pissed off that now the secret is out. “I can’t lie!” Scarlett screams. Haha, well, it’s clearly time to learn! 

Scarlett feels bad about being a cool slut who does sex with young handsome hotshot directors. She tells Deacon, her uncle and only friend, that she’s having a daughter. He reassures her that she’ll probably barely fuck up the kid, even though everyone in the room right now had awful parents and traumatic childhoods. So, best of luck! And Gunnar? He’s scrolling through Tumblr, because he realized he, too, ships Gunnar/Scarlett. What a dork!