Que Sera, Sera! Sunrise, sunset! To every thing there is a season! It’s the last episode of Nashville, unless it isn’t, in which case I will see you on another network or online. We’ve been through a lot with these characters: mental institutions, flashbacks of child abuse, prison, elections, record label drama, murders, homophobia, numerous assaults, embezzlement, addiction, alcoholism, car accidents, gunfire, Federal investigations, prostitution scandals, sexism, racism (just kidding), theft, awards shows, deceased parents, suicide attempts, childbirth, postpartum depression, teenage and social media drama, affairs, marriages of convenience, and, of course, frequent trips to Atlanta. Busy four years, to say the least.
I’ve been asked a few times how I felt about writing up this last episode, and my answer is, I don’t know! I just don’t think it’s going away for good … I may not be a media insider, but I watch A LOT of television, and all signs (that I can read) point to its return elsewhere. In any case, please enjoy my final recap of Nashville on ABC — and watch this space next Thursday for my “recap” of Season Five, an attempt at fan fiction and, I hope, a fun writing exercise. On to the show …
Rayna, Deacon, Maddie, and Daphne
We start the last (?) episode of Nashville in New York City, with Daphne rehearsing for her performance at Rayna’s sold-out fundraiser to Raise Awareness of The Issues. Rayna and Deacon think that performing in front of thousands of people will be a fun thing for her to do after a rough couple of weeks. Didn’t Rayna used to not want her kids to perform in public, ever? Well, it doesn’t matter now, it’s all over. (Maybe.)
Meanwhile, Maddie meets with her new producer, obvious bad guy Vince Pierce. She takes a duck face selfie with him; it is seamless how quickly Maddie Conrad/Claybourne/”Jaymes,” Known Teen, gets that selfie taken. It’s an art.
Like all parents everywhere, Deacon and Rayna creep on Maddie’s Instagram account to keep tabs on her life. They see the selfie taken with the producer, and Rayna is like “Oh, I know him, his whole deal is that he rapes teenagers, basically.” They are none too happy with this fellow being around their daughter, as you can imagine!
Rayna tells Deacon the story of how this guy is a creep, who grabs and manipulates and says creep things like “Don’t you want to make it?” to young women who have to work with him. Her manager at the time said that’s just what happens, deal with it, so she fired him. (I thought Bucky was with her forever?) She did not tell Deacon about the probable other 100 times that happened to her when she was young.
Maddie’s in the studio recording her hott trax, and Skeev Producer wants to know what Cash is to her, exactly. Cash is nothing to Maddie, so of course she describes herself as vital in about a thousand ways. A sister, a manager, a friend, a mentor, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, and so forth. Skeev Producer invites them to his home for a party, and Cash immediately accepts the invitation on behalf of both of them.
The head of Maddie’s label, Some Other Lady, talks to Rayna about her concerns re: her daughter’s potential abuse. The label head is a traitor to women and society in general, and says it’s just something women in the industry deal with at some point or another, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Wow, it sure is weird (I mean convenient) that Rayna and Deacon are literally the only people in the world who care about anything, and everyone else is a villain about five minutes away from tying Maddie to the railroad tracks. Maddie’s blocked their numbers, and even blocked them on Twitter, so they have no way of getting in touch with her. Rayna’s going to write a letter! She calls it “going old school.”
My naïve brain imagined Rayna writing out a literal letter that she was going to mail, but it turns out it’s an open letter to Maddie that’s going to run on HuffPo. Old school indeed. Deacon calls her letter “powerful” and “brilliant,” which, funnily enough, is exactly how he describes Rayna’s farts.
Oh, hey, Daphne pops back up! Haha. She’s sad the whole family (minus Tandy who only sometimes counts, and her biological father who is in prison) won’t be all together. Deacon sees another Instagram photo from Maddie that indicates she’s at Skeevy Prodcer’s house, and he straight bails on Daphne to go fetch her.
So the creep is creepin’ with whiskey and leather all over the place (Cash has run off to annoy Chris Martin), as is a creep’s wont. Her friend Talia, a person who I guess exists, kindly texts her the link to Rayna’s article just in time. Good thing Talia probably exists to do this vital service, ’cause ain’t no way Maddie’s got push notifications enabled for HuffPo articles. She’s able to read the article while he creeps by the bar, and it’s done in a Rayna voiceover.
Dirtbag comes back with a drink and she says she wants to go. He’s manipulative and gross and is like, “I thought you wanted to be a grownup,” grabs her arm, and is like “TAKE THIS DRINK.” Deacon deus ex machinas into the room at that exact moment (did Talia direct him where to go?) and is like “Did you touch my daughter!?!? Well what about my wife?!?!” This is like the only time in the history of the show Deacon would have been justified in punching someone right in the damn face, and he doesn’t. Deacon ends the series with his selective propensity for violence as misdirected as ever. What a bummer. Should’ve smashed.
Maddie returns with Deacon to Rayna’s sainthood concert. She hugs her sister and parents and says she is ready to go home. The happy family walks away together, and I guess that’s a wrap on Rayna, the superstar wife and mother and feminist whose daughter is returned and absolutely in breach of contract.
Gunnar and Scarlett
Scarlett, the lisp of a skinny child, a basket of dusty potpourri on your grandma’s china hutch, a Twitter egg, a lovingly preserved Cabbage Patch Kid birth certificate, an unopened Willa Cather novel on a freshman’s nightstand, the pushover who is totally fine with covering your shift, the star of a live-action adaptation of the Candy Land board game, a stock photo of a puppy in a hat with the watermark still on it, the answer to the question, “What would happen if you made a woman out of cotton candy and tears?,” a television show cancelled right before it hits the 100 episode mark, is talking to her manager-slash-only friend, who advises her to tell Gunnar that she loves him. Gunnar fortuitously returns from a road trip not long after, and she does tell him that she loves him, with the door to the dressing room wide open. People are always having private, emotional conversations with doors open. Of course — of course — that broad that Gunnar’s been hooking up with walks in to tell Scarlett that they are a couple. Sure. OK.
Gunnar’s girlfriend Amber Waves gets in his head right away — she doesn’t get why Scarlett said that to him. Probably it’s because now Gunnar is confident and she wants to ruin him! She tells Gunnar that he should drop Scarlett and open for her as a solo act on the last 30 dates of her tour. Gunnar asks Scarlett if she meant what she said, or if she was trying to manipulate him. She is tired of arguing about the past, she says, so perhaps they have no future together.
Their manager, whose name I never learned but is like their version of Glenn and Bucky so I’m going to call him Glucky, is yelling at them for breaking up the band. The are The Exes, not solo artists, and they have an album together and a good single, and neither of them are prepared to do anything on their own. And hasn’t Scarlett’s whole stage fright deal been revealed as just needing someone else to sing with her? Haha, anyway.
The next scene is Glucky talking to a solo Scarlett encouraging her AGAIN to talk to Gunnar about her feelings. He just wants what’s best for her, because he cares. He would hate for her to throw away something special. However much this dude is getting paid, it’s not enough. Convinced, Scarlett tells him again that she loves him, and it’s scary to her how he affects her (I’d say it’s annoying but sure, "scary" works too).
They have one last show with each other on this tour, and they are onstage together, singing their sad song of whisperfeels. Gunnar’s girlfriend/boss watches them from sidestage, and is shocked — shocked, I say! — when he stops playing, walks over to Scarlett, and kisses her right on the mouth. Absolutely none of their underlying issues were resolved, or even discussed, so let’s hope these two plan on spending every moment of their days together performing onstage.
Also, they get fired from the tour.
Luke and Will
Cole FaceTimes with his father from Army Camp. Cole tells Luke that Cole’s mom and Luke’s ex-wife split up with whoever she was with. Wow, that seems like it could be an interesting development in the storylines to come! Will shows up in Luke’s office, ready to go on Bigot Lady’s TV show. But she won’t let him, because she says he’ll just promote his gay agenda! The gay agenda, let me remind you, is the idea that gay people are people. Shocking, I know.
They call Keb’n who is Will’s “only link to the community,” of gay people. Is Keb’n in charge of the hotline? Does he organize all the gay potlucks and Sunday Fundays? The plan is to head to Atlanta right this very second and protest in front of Fake Laura Ingraham’s studio. They pull it off, and even put on a concert in the streets (seriously doubt they have the proper permits for this). Will and Keb’n make eyes at one another throughout.
Will and Luke take a break to talk to one another about love and exes and life, the universe, and everything. Will misses Keb’n and Luke seems to be thinking a lot about his ex-wife (whom I don’t believe we’ve ever met?). Fake Ann Coulter’s producer comes out and asks them to stop the ruckus. If they do, they’ll let Will be on the show in 15 minutes.
So he’s on the show. Fake Phyllis Schlafly spots off some hot words about “the domestic terrorism of his homosexual agenda” and says that his mere existence is an attack on both religious people and heterosexuals. But he finds an in…”You’re scared, aren’t you?” he asks. If she’s not afraid, he says, she should let him speak. She’s afraid, he realizes, that if her audience recognizes Will as someone they know, like a friend or relative, they will change their minds and stop being afraid of gay people. So I guess Will just solved homophobia in America! That was easy, it took like 20 seconds.
He did great on the show and walks out of the studio to wild applause. He spots Keb’n, and Luke tells him that he’ll never get a second chance unless he takes a chance, and Will walks triumphantly into the adoring crowd to find the man he loves. It reminds me a lot of the ending of a teen movie, and is pretty funny. Will and Keb’n kiss (oh yeah Keb’n is single now, don’t worry) and Will calls his daughter I forgot existed. Looks like everything is wrapping up great for all of our characters!
Juliette, Avery, and Layla
Out in Hollywood for the Academy Awards, Juliette tells Glenn that all the pre-Oscar stress is getting to her. She’s tired of going to parties and pretending to be friends with people she doesn’t know. How this is any different from the music industry is never fully explained. She wants to see her kid, and asks Avery to hop on a plane with Baby Cadence.
Someone’s having a great time, though, and that’s Layla, who just found out that her album sold ten thousand copies in two weeks and will be on the Billboard 200 — that’s a legitimate success nowadays. Avery’s more concerned about the logistics of getting that baby on a plane, but Layla calls this “crazy” and a “demand” from Juliette. Avery sees the situation as a mom who wants to see her kid, which it is! Can you imagine Season One, or even Season Two Avery being so reasonable and normal? Hope he tells Cadence the story about the time he burned his masters in an alleyway someday.
While leaving one of the many awful parties, Juliette is ambushed by a paparazzi guy and asked about what really happened on the roof the night that Jeff died. “What really happened on the roof?!?” is a question I hope someone angrily asks me someday. Sad and exhausted Juliette tells Glenn about the roof incident. She honestly didn’t remember what happened at first, but she knows now that she wanted to jump. She told Layla, and says that if it was her that leaked it to the press that she doesn’t blame her. Glenn says that if they just ignore it, it’ll all blow over. Just then, like literally one beat after he is done speaking, Jeff’s sister (OK) is on TV holding a press conference (sure) about an investigation into Jeff’s death and making sure Juliette is held responsible for any wrongdoing she may have done wrong.
Avery sees an article about Juliette and Jeff and the death and whatnot. Jeff’s sister is suing for wrongful death, too, and Layla gets all upset again. “Don’t jump to conclusions,” says Avery, “It’s a gossip website!” Yeah that makes sense. “My ex-wife was present when your boyfriend died, and now you and I are having sex. Don’t be weird about this!” Layla anonymously calls Jeff’s sister and tells her to talk to Colt Wheeler, who saw everything.
Juliette’s lawyers say that Jeff’s sister wants three million dollars, but they can probably talk her down to one. She doesn’t care, she just wants to pay the three million and get it over with. She and Avery speak on the phone, and she tells him not to come with the baby.
So Luke calls Avery to tell him what Colt saw, and Glenn calls Layla to ask what is up with the story getting leaked. Glenn is pissed, and says that he believes Juliette’s story and that he no longer represents her. Layla spins that as her firing Glenn, but Avery knows she’s a liar because he just heard what really happened straight from Luke. He asks if she targeted him, and like a fool, she’s all “at first,” (haha bad move) and she calls Juliette a horrible human being and says she was just trying to show him how bad Juliette is. “You’re crazy and we’re done,” says Avery. Normally I am not an advocate of calling women “crazy” when breaking up, but I do make exceptions for actual crazy behavior, so Avery is in the clear.
Juliette thinks she’s awful, and she refused to walk the Oscars red carpet and lie about how great she is. Instead, she does an interview and tells the truth — she was on the roof, and she was trying to kill herself. She was messed up on booze and drugs and didn’t remember. She disappeared because she went to rehab, and Jeff died a hero, saving her life.
Layla is alone and crying. She gets a call from Bucky, and he has the first good news for her all episode. Her album will for sure hit the Top 100, and her career will skyrocket! But like, you know, is it enough?
Juliette walks out of the Oscars (yeah right) to fly home to Avery and Cadence. Avery waits on the fancy rich people runway for her plane, but it doesn’t arrive. An official-type man pulls him aside and says they received a distress call, and lost contact with her plane 90 miles West of Nashville. (About 90 miles West of Nashville is Camden, Tenn., which is where Patsy Cline’s plane went down, too. What a narratively convenient parallel!) Is Juliette dead? (No, main characters don’t die without a poignant death scene.) Tune in next week to read my fictional recap and learn just what happened!
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