Nashville Recap: ‘That’s My Story’

Juliette

Cool, OK, so I guess in the final season of this show, they’re taking the best female lead (out of the ones still alive, anyway) and turning her mother into a monster and her childhood into a 100 percent nightmare. Juliette's mom Jolene — remember her? She was an emotionally abusive alcoholic and drug addict who murdered Juliette’s sober companion and then killed herself? I loved her. Well it looks like during Juliette’s childhood, Jolene pimped her daughter out to at least one child molester and made her call him “Uncle.” So now I hate her!  

Why? What is the point of this? Was Juliette’s childhood not already bad enough? Didn’t she already hate herself and her life? Can someone please ask Callie Khouri if this was the plan from the beginning, because what the fuck? Cool. Cool. Great. In case you were ever wondering if Juliette was raped when she was a child, don’t worry, she ABSOLUTELY was, and her mom was responsible for it.   

Rape and molestation and abuse  happening to a pretty female character? Golly, what a bold direction. What a creative and innovate way to add some depth and heartache and backstory to our troubled star who fell out of an airplane and watched her evil manager/lover fall off a building and dealt with depression after the birth of her daughter and a thousand-and-a-half other indignities I’m not going to look up. Juliette’s a bitch guys, but don’t worry — she was molested! So there’s a reason she’s so awful.  

In case you can’t tell,  I think this is bad.

Juliette recovered these traumatic memories, of course, with the help of her un-guru. But, hey, now that she’s reliving the trauma of her childhood rape surrounded by non-family, un-friends and a cult leader, I’m sure everything in her life will be on the upswing ASAP. The only way I’ll ever forgive this show is if these are false memories and this dude is confirmed as a charlatan. But until then, Juliette, congratulations on going through the fire to change your life or whatever kind of quasi-literary nonsense the cult scammer is feeding you. At least he calls these revelations “profoundly disturbing.” No shit, buddy!  

Rhiannon Giddens, a bona-fide genius who has the paperwork to prove it, got to come back for the child-rape episode and sing a song.   

Scarlett  

Speaking of “let’s create new backstories and motivations for everyone,” Scarlett (a vlog with   

Scarlett tells the tough but kind horse therapy woman —  as if there was any other sort —  that she saw a segment about the camp on Good Mornin’ Nashvul, and since she’s been working with kids (going to one teen’s art show is not “working with kids”), she’d like to help here. The woman is like, “We have vets and they’re broken” (WHAT), then all the rest of Scarlett’s storyline is basically an equine therapy FAQ. How does this work? Why? What do the horses do? How does it help?  

Horse ranch woman has a hot nephew hanging around the camp and he, like, touched a horse and it tried to escape. But since Scarlett is apparently a proficient horse person in spite of being raised in rural Mississippi poverty (horses ain’t cheap), she stopped the horse and showed the ranch woman that she, idk, isn’t a faker? Thanks to her horse magic and stable cleaning abilities she gets to finally ride the horse. Hooray! Will she make out with the troubled hot boy? Yes. Was he also molested? Only time will tell.

Daphne and That Boy 

The teenagers have teenage conversations. They’re fine with each other now. But the boy is a little weird thanks to his verbally abusive father (in six years we’ll learn his dad is also a child molester). He calls Deke a “rage-aholic” and that’s a totally unfair characterization, of course. He’s a (recovering) alcoholic with rage issues. Totally different.  

The Dudes 

Their band sucks and Will has body dysmorphia — another new problem for one of the only fun characters! Remember the olden days when he was merely suicidal because of his shameful homosexuality? If this show has one ethos, it’s that charismatic, talented and funny people are profoundly damaged and the WORST thing they can do about it is get help.  

Will’s body issues made him look like thicc Kylo Ren —  one of two good things in this terrible, terrible episode. The other good thing was when the band covered “Tearin’ Up My Heart” by NSYNC. You heard me right! It only took six years, but at long last, this show finally, FINALLY realized that the best way to mirror Nashville is to show that people only want cover bands.