Ashley Spurgeon is a lifelong TV fan — nay, expert — and with her recurring television and pop-culture column "And Another Thing," she'll tell you what to watch, what to skip, and what's worth thinking more about.
Two weeks ago, intrepid and wise
Scene editor-in-chief D. Patrick Rodgers tweetedwhat I believe to be an extremely true fact: The “Lemon of Troy” episode of The Simpsons is, in fact, a perfect episode of TV. It’s possibly my favorite episode of The Simpsons — Season 6, Episode 24. It premiered on May 14, 1995, which means I would have seen it for the first time when I was between the fourth and fifth grades.
A few quick facts about myself and The Simpsons: I love it. I watched approximately five or more episodes a week for around seven years, so the first eight or nine seasons are deeply imprinted on my synapses. There is a certain subsection of twisted freaks (myself clearly included) who internalized The Simpsons to such a degree that quotes or scenes from the show make up a not-insignificant portion of our inner lives. An example:
NORMAL PERSON: I’m nervous about my big job interview!
POOR SIMPSONS-BRAINED FOOL: Get confident, stupid!
And so on and so forth.
OK, so, spoiler alert and fair warning — several elements of this episode were directly lifted from the stories of the Trojan War, particularly the use of a Trojan Horse. A lemon tree planted by Springfield’s first settlers (well, maybe — Grandpa is not a reliable narrator) plays the role of Helen. It’s stolen by Shelbyville kids, so Bart and his friends trek off to rescue it. This is one of the reasons why the episode works so well: Let the ancients write the bones, and spend the time saved on writing jokes.
The Simpsons is quotable, we all know this, but for my nickel, “Lemon of Troy” is unusually stacked. It’s coming at the tail end of the sixth season, and the wider world of characters in Springfield beyond the Simpson family has really been fleshed out, in all their yellow glory. This is a true ensemble episode — Bart takes the lead, but Milhouse, Nelson, Flanders and especially Martin Prince, provide some of the funniest moments of the episode.
A dirty little secret about The Simpsons (or maybe this is my own personal opinion, who can tell) is that Bart is nowhere near the best or funniest character. Oh, sure, he permeated the zeitgeist when the show first premiered, but in “Lemon of Troy,” it’s Milhouse, Nelson and Martin who truly shine. These kids don’t normally hang out together at all (as Nelson lets us know), and that’s another reason why it works — throwing together characters in a different or heightened context will really show who is made of what.
Milhouse has one of the episode’s most quotable lines: “So this is what it feels like ... when doves cry!” he sobs while embracing his Shelbyville doppelgänger. My favorite Milhouse gag, though, is when he’s fantasizing about wearing camouflage and disappearing and reappearing in the foliage like a cheshire cat. It’s one of so many perfect examples in “Lemon of Troy” of a kid’s thinking. “Look at the weak little baby — you’re stupid, you stupid weak baby!” is a devastating insult. Bart daydreams about a future society making him their god thanks to his yo-yo and ability to write his name in wet cement.
Putting Nelson and Martin together as allies is a genius-brain move, and the most fruitful comedic decision of, fuck it, I’m just going to say it, the entire series’ run. If Martin Prince skipping in circles around a begrudging Nelson Muntz (who is trying his best to whack Martin in the head) singing his signature song isn’t one of the funniest things you’ve ever seen, well, you probably didn’t watch too much Simpsons during one of the most crucial periods of your brain’s cognitive development. “Hark to the tale of Nelson, and the boy he loved so dear —" *Nelson swings, grunts, misses* — “They remained the best of friends for years and years and years!” (The Bart, Milhouse, Martin and Nelson combo worked so damn good in “Lemon of Troy,” they used it again in “Bart on the Road,” wherein the young gang drives a car to Knoxville in the mistaken belief the 1982 World’s Fair is still open. Nelson makes them stop over in Branson to watch an Andy Williams concert.)
Flanders is great, the one-off Shelbyville villains are great (“Maybe that’s why we beat you in football nearly half the time!”), the fact that Marge’s corny sincerity is what kicks off the adventure in the first place is perfect, and there are so many incredible callbacks: one includes Roman numerals, one a flying motorcycle. There are other perfect episodes of The Simpsons: “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show,” “Marge vs. The Monorail” and “Last Exit to Springfield” being just three examples of about 25. But the first that always comes to mind is the lemon tree — thar she grows.
