Advice King: What Can I Do About the Loss of Our Culture?

In 2014, comedian, musician, podcaster and Nashvillian Chris Crofton asked the Scene for an advice column, so we gave him one. Crowning himself the "Advice King," Crofton shares his hard-won wisdom with whoever seeks it. Follow Crofton on Bluesky and Instagram (@thecroftonshow), and check out his The Advice King Anthology and Cold Brew Got Me Like podcast. To submit a question for the Advice King, email bestofbread@gmail.com.

Dear Advice King,

Between Elon Musk’s tunnels, Oracle’s new headquarters, Peter Thiel’s "Antichrist" lectures and the symphony suspending its season, Nashville seems like a mess. What can I do to fight AI, surveillance and the accompanying loss of local culture? What about our kids? Who is defending our city? Where should I move? Sorry, I know that’s a lot.

—Katie in Glencliff 

Hi Katie! We should all move to the country and eat a lot of peaches. And blow up our TVs. And cha cha real smooth. We should do everything it says to do in songs. It’s worth a shot. The “do everything businessmen tell us to do” model for running a society couldn’t have turned out worse. 

It’s all horrible. Personally, I think Nashville’s biggest mistake was giving all of our tax money to the NFL. And before my beloved editor can tell me that it wasn’t actually all of our tax money, let me say that it was SO, SO MUCH tax money. SO MUCH. But apparently we can’t save a symphony that's in financial crisis. We currently have two NFL stadiums, and no symphony. Music City? Uhhh, no. 

But I digress. I don’t want to talk about stadiums, or symphonies, or Elon Musk somehow convincing  people that a “tunnel with cars in it” is a fancy new invention. I’d like to talk about Peter Thiel’s Antichrist lectures in Nashville. 

Peter Thiel Draws Hundreds Downtown for 'Antichrist' Lectures

The tech billionaire’s Christian theology quickly veered off into a meandering theory of everything

And I don’t actually have much to say about Peter Thiel’s moronic, delusional lectures. Except I want to let everyone know that I understand what sneaky Pete is doing! It’s an old trick. A classic misdirect. 

I used the same trick in the back of a crowded station wagon in 1981. I was in sixth grade. Me and a bunch of other kids were being driven to soccer practice. I farted. In order to make it seem like I didn’t do it, I said — before anyone else had the chance — “Somebody farted!” 

I noticed the fart first, because I did it.

There’s an old adage attached to this trick, this time-honored technique for blaming other people for something you did: “HE WHO SMELT IT, DEALT IT.”

So when Peter Thiel travels the globe announcing that he smells an Antichrist, I do the math. 

I did think of one positive thing about Peter Thiel’s speaking tour where he announces (in a roundabout way) that he’s the Antichrist: He stopped in Nashville! Before Nashville became an “it” city, we had to drive all the way to Atlanta to see Antichrist lectures. 

Fuck generative AI, and fuck its stated aim of taking everbody’s jobs. Fuck surveillance, and fuck the autonomous weapons that will eventually kill is all. Fuck the NFL, and fuck Oracle. Long live art, and the human spirit. Earth will still be here, shining in the sun, long after these deranged oligarchs have farted for the last time.

Also, pour some sugar on me. Pour some sugar on all of us.