
Actually, we haven't heard any such reports — except for this one — and given how the incumbent President Barack Obama has faired in several Southern primaries, we're not expecting any.
After losing 10 West Virginia counties and at least one convention delegate to the gloriously mulleted and incarcerated felon Keith Judd, the sitting president faced two more close contests last night. In Arkansas, he edged out Tennessee attorney John Wolfe, who scored 41 percent of the vote. In Kentucky, he lost over half of the state's counties and 42 percent of the vote to the political juggernaut known only as "Uncommitted."
These margins would be unremarkable in a primary between actual politicians. But when the opponents are a prisoner, an unknown attorney from a neighboring state and "anyone but you," they leave something to be desired. Still, it would be a mistake to take an apparent disconnect between the president and former members of the confederacy — excluding West Virginia, which was actually formed when it seceded from confederate Virginia — as a harbinger of the election's outcome in November. The Obama campaign has essentially forfeited these states, choosing instead to put time and money into states where they actually have a chance.
The answer, evidently, is "No." But hey, we made you look!
If you picked up the fish-wrapper or spent any time on the Internet Sunday, you heard the shocking news. In bold, above-the-fold letters, The Tennessean announced the results of a new Vanderbilt poll declaring that the outcome of Tennessee's vote in the forthcoming presidential election is far less than foregone.
"President Barack Obama has pulled into a virtual tie with presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney in traditionally conservative Tennessee," wrote Michael Cass, to lead the story.
To many readers and political observers who are not the Democratic Party, that sounded dubious. And as it turns out, it is.
That's because, while that is what the poll says, it's not what the poll says. Curiously enough, Cass reports precisely that, just a few grafs down. The poll of 1,002 Tennesseans 18 and older found that 42 percent of respondents would vote for Romney, while 41 percent would vote for Obama if the election were held right now.
However, among registered voters — that is, people who actually could vote if the election were held right now — Romney leads Obama 47-40.
"It's not that close a race," Vanderbilt political science professor John Geer told Cass, who noted that Geer actually predicts an easy Tennessee victory for Romney in November, once currently undecided conservatives get behind the GOP candidate.
Geer told Pith all that too and said Romney will likely win the state with around 56 percent of the vote. He also called the blaring pronouncement from 1100 Broadway "misleading."
"I tried to get the Tennessean not to lead with the overall numbers because they were misleading," he said. "The poll tells you pretty clearly that Romney's gonna win. You can take this one slice — and the Democrats certainly like the slice and I don't blame them for liking it — but come November, unless there is some landslide of epic proportions unfolding, Romney is going to carry Tennessee comfortably."

On Friday morning he dispensed his long-awaited two cents on the Trayvon Martin case, informing readers of his blog that he's "pretty sure" Tennessee does have the "Stand Your Ground" law, which he sponsored.
By lunch, the Newt Gingrich campaign had made it known to the Republican State Executive Committee and the media that they didn't want Campfield sitting in their section at the Republican National Convention. Campfield, of course, had been the co-chairman of Gingrich's campaign here, but switched allegiances and endorsed Rick Santorum just before Tennessee's Super Tuesday primary.
The Knoxville firebrand must have then spent all day Saturday devising this elaborate April Fools' Day stunt.
Early this morning, Campfield posted a response to the Newt's public Dear Stacey letter. Sure, he had willingly stepped off the Gingrich bus — in his telling, this actually helps Newt in the end — but it's the manner in which the campaign ran him over with it that has him peeved. An excerpt:
This is Rick Santorum, candidate for president of the United States of America. In this video, he's speaking in Janesville, Wisc., on March 27.
I've watched this clip about 20 times, and I can't come up with a single feasible thing that Rick Santorum might have been trying to say at roughly the 34:25 mark, other than the word he got 50 percent through saying before realizing he was one syllable away from pulling the cord on his political suicide vest. One poll suggests he was about to utter the words "Nickelback fan," which is an insult for sure!
Seriously, though: This man won the Tennessee Republican primary.
Mitt Romney has now been moved to life support — pulse has been detected — having notched one of the ugliest wins in American primary politics. In Michigan, the state where he grew up and where his father served as governor, he only narrowly defeated an insignificant one-term U.S. senator whose extraordinarily right-wing and often curious positions raised questions from party insiders about the very nature of the Republican Party.
A win, though, is a win, even against a pitifully weak opponent, and with what appears to be a faint breeze now blowing in Romney's sails, he might finally find what looks like momentum. He needs it.
Everywhere one looks, storm clouds gather. Looming large is the increasing perception that the Grand Old Party, which half a century ago was personified by the steady and reliable management of Dwight D. Eisenhower in cahoots with East Coast financial markets and the Boy Scouts in Norman Rockwell paintings, is now a breeding ground for lunatics, crackpots, conspiracy theorists, and my crazy great uncle Ralph, currently down in the basement, over by the shovels, plotting his own candidacy.
Three of the four remaining candidates — Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich — espouse a variety of hotly disputed, if not outright extreme, positions. These include a return to the gold standard, not going to college because of its elitism and liberalism, stronger relations between the White House and the pope, un-separating the separation between church and state, moving the embassy to Jerusalem, bombing Iran, eliminating health insurance, and more. It grows crazier, Alice in Wonderland-like, unrecognizable.
Gov. Bill Haslam has been named Tennessee state campaign chairman for the walking OCD diagnosis known as Mitt Romney following an official endorsement by the Haslam last month. The news shouldn't be all that shocking since Haslam's father and brother also work for Romney's campaign, which can be considered either a partnership predicated on moderate Republican ideals, a return on investment regarding Romney's support of the governor during the 2010 gubernatorial election, birds of platinum-gilded feathers flocking together, or some combination of the three.
If a recent American Research Group poll is any indication, however, Romney will need the support of the Pilot-Flying J Dynasty: In a telephone interview conducted Feb. 8-9, 600 likely Tennessee GOP primary voters favored Rick Santorum by a full 7 points over the former Massachusetts governor, 34-27, because we love freedom.
News that Romney's Super PAC has begun buying air time in eastern and middle Tennessee has prompted human paraquat Newt Gingrich (who netted 16 percent in the ARG poll) to announce a trip to our humble state next week, where donors with a couple grand to burn can score a photo with America's true conservative sweetheart.
From Knox News:
Gingrich has scheduled a Feb. 27 fundraising event at a Franklin, Tenn., residence. Basic tickets are $1,000 each with $2,500 needed to attend a "VIP reception with photo opportunity," according to a printed invitation.State Rep. Tony Shipley, R-Kingsport, who is co-chairman of Gingrich's campaign in Tennessee, said there may be other events in Tennessee.
Hopefully this means that the gods will deign to bestow us with a Romney performance prior to the March 6 primary. Hell, I'd fire my best maid just to hear him rattle a few Johnny Cash tunes...

Yeah, Gingrich is about as Southern as sea bass in béarnaise in Buckhead, but it didn't matter. And yeah, Gingrich is a little too smarty-pants and fond of waving his hands around like a decorator showing curtains. But Perry and Gingrich are old enough to have been taught never to support the Northerner. Particularly a Northerner who happens to be an asshole. "My Gawd, Newt, we got us a two-fer. It's lesson time."
In defeat, Perry understood well-staged retribution before his tactical retreat to Austin. He and Newt may be the last generation of Southerners who feel this way, but how righteous and apt it is that this takes place in the state whose residents a century and a half ago really couldn't wait for the rest of the South to secede and went at it alone on Sumter?
"Look at my picture and ask yourself 'Would he really do that for money?' YOU CAN TELL I WOULD! The possibilities are endless for the highest bidder. As long as it isn't against the law, I'll do or say whatever you want until someone comes and drags me away."
—Ron D., a Loudon, Tenn., man and self-described "biggun" whose auction listing titled "I will embarrass Mitt Romney on national TV for money" was pulled by eBay.

Perhaps ironically, the roster of nine candidates does not include the 9-9-9 candidate himself, who was leading in at least one Tennessee poll as recently as a month ago. Then again, maybe Cain will un-suspend his campaign and have a new Pokemon quote to share with us by then.
Full release below: