Friday, May 2, 2014

Thank God For Alabama

Posted By on Fri, May 2, 2014 at 2:42 PM

Welcome to Tennessee. We do a lot of crazy crap here.

We try to force schools to out gay kids to their parents. We just became the first state in the country to criminalize pregnant women. And the knuckleheads in the legislature actually passed a resolution asking Sean Hannity to ditch New York and come live here. We initially rated that a little stupid, but it turns out Hannity has been talking up a guy who was just convicted of first-degree murder, so you might want to ask your local GOP representative why they voted to bring a genius like Hannity to the state, when he's been defending this guy:

Almost immediately after the first shooting, the rustling of a tarp is heard, then a dragging sound and labored breathing. Smith said he had moved the boy’s body to a workshop in the basement to keep his blood from staining the carpet, the Associated Press reported.

The audio continues with the sound of a gun being reloaded. About 11 minutes pass between the two shootings, local reports say.

Kifer’s footsteps are heard on the stairs and she calls out quietly, “Nick?”

Then comes the sound of more shots. She falls down the stairs. “Oh, sorry about that,” Smith tells her. She screams, “Oh my God!”

Then more shots. Smith tells her, “You’re dying,” and calls her a “bitch,” the AP reported.

After more labored breathing and another dragging sound, Smith calls her “bitch” again. He told authorities that after he moved her, he noticed she was still gasping and didn’t want her to suffer, so he fired under her chin with a 22.-caliber handgun, according to a report in the Pioneer Press. The Star Tribune reported Smith told investigators the last time he fired was “a good clean finishing shot” and “she gave out the death twitch.”

Yup. That's the guy Hannity's been defending. So glad that actual legislation was passed to try to bring Sean here.

But we digress.

No, today we're here to thank Alabama for reminding us what it takes to be truly batshit crazy (even more than that Roll Tide nonsense).

The chief justice of their state supreme court, Roy Moore, said that the First Amendment only applies to Christians.

Speaking at the Pastor for Life Luncheon, which was sponsored by Pro-Life Mississippi, Chief Justice Roy Moore of the Alabama Supreme Court declared that the First Amendment only applies to Christians because “Buddha didn’t create us, Mohammed didn’t create us, it was the God of the Holy Scriptures” who created us.

“They didn’t bring the Koran over on the pilgrim ship,” he continued. “Let’s get real, let’s go back and learn our history. Let’s stop playing games.”

He then noted that he loves talking to lawyers, because he is a lawyer who went to “a secular law school,” so he knows that “in the law, [talking about God] just isn’t politically correct.” He claimed that this is why America has “lost its way,” and that he would be publishing a pamphlet “this week, maybe next” that contained copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, thereby proving that all the people “who found this nation — black, white, all people, all religions, all faiths” knew that America was “about God.”

You can watch the whole thing here if you want:

So, to sum up: Thanks, Alabama. Every time we get too worried about too much stupid stuff happening here, we've got you to remind us, nope, we're not in the big time yet.

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