Friday, October 7, 2011

Hank Jr. Leaves ESPN, Citing First Amendment Issues

Posted By on Fri, Oct 7, 2011 at 5:57 AM

After comparing the sitting President of the United States to Hitler over a golf game and finding himself too hot for ESPN to handle, Hank Williams Jr. has decided to part ways with ESPN. The decision was announced on Williams' website:

“After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.” — Hank Williams Jr

Of course, the First Amendment prohibits the government from abridging speech, which doesn't actually seem to be the case here (unless ESPN is secretly running the government). Oh, but then I remembered that Junior thinks that, if the South would have won, he'd have had it made. So I went in search of the Constitution of the Confederate States of America to see if perhaps it was the toes of their First Amendment Freedom of Speech that had been stepped on.

The first amendment to the Constitution of the CSA? There isn't one!

Okay, but the Confederate Constitution does have a Bill of Rights. So, their first right probably deals with freedom of speech, right?

1. The importation of negroes of the African race from any foreign country other than the slaveholding States or Territories of the United States of America, is hereby forbidden; and Congress is required to pass such laws as shall effectually prevent the same.

Okay, sure, but what about the second one?

2. Congress shall also have power to prohibit the introduction of slaves from any State not a member of, or Territory not belonging to, this Confederacy.

Lord almighty, I thought the Confederacy was all about states' rights. What's with all this slavery stuff?! (Note: I didn't actually think the Confederacy was all about states' rights.)

Is there anything about freedom of speech? Yes, finally, way down at number 12, it says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and petition the Government for a redress of grievances." (Now, I don't want to stir up any hard feelings here, but doesn't that sound a little familiar?)

Okay, so what we've established is that no matter which Constitution of the countries Williams has professed a desire to live in he wraps himself in, that Constitution does not shield Williams from the utterly foreseeable consequences of shooting off his mouth and alienating his business partners.

But on a side note, I must say that Williams, with his invoking of Hitler, his griping about his First Amendment rights being infringed on, and his massive flounce off, has quite the makings of an Internet troll. Hmm. We may have found him a new hobby now that his evenings are open.

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