America's Next Top Model
is like an updated Miss America Pageant
— beautiful girls parading themselves around on TV, sometimes arousing envy
, sometimes scorn
. I'm pretty sure the most fame anyone got from this show was Adrienne Curry, who attention-whored her way into a filmed-for-television marriage with Peter Brady — but let's be honest, the real star here is Tyra Banks. Crazy, earnest, self-important Tyra Banks. Will she ask you pose like a corpse in a crime scene? Wear blackface? Have a gap shaved in your teeth?
If you, ahem, wanna be on top, and you're going to be in Nashville on Saturday, you better practice your smize, because you're in luck! You might be chosen to be the next contestant to be either mocked or praised by Ms. Banks! Or, as I always dreamed/drunkenly practiced with friends in college — Miss Jay will teach you how to walk across a room with maximum sexiness. Fierce!
Auditions for Cycle 18 take place from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at Paul Mitchell The School, 5510 Crossings Circle. Get more information here.