Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sports Puck A Duck: Why Anaheim Sucks
Posted by J.R. Lind on Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 11:31 AM
- Rachel Addison/Used with permission
Tuesday, Orange County Register columnist Jeff Miller penned a wrong-headed, stereotypical introduction to Nashville (he called us "Trashville" - tres clever) for Anaheimites ahead of the Ducks-Predators playoff series.
It's the type of thing that gets published during playoffs, a little poke at the hometown of the opponent.
Nothing wrong with that.
The problem was that Miller wasn't particularly clever. He talked about Hee Haw - a show that's been off the air since 1993 (coincidentally, the year the Ducks were founded and thus the first time anyone ever heard of Anaheim).
He made fun of Cracker Barrel and said the "hillbilly heaven" was one of Nashville's top employers. That would be true if there was a Cracker Barrel on every corner. There isn't, unfortunately. Or if Cracker Barrel was headquartered in Nashville. It's not. Their offices are in Lebanon. Saying it's headquartered in Nashville is sort of like saying a company that's headquartered in - I dunno - let's say Anaheim, for the sake of example, is headquartered in Los Angeles.
And he makes fun of Cyruses Miley and Billy Ray - the former of whom made all her money as a wholly-owned subsidiary of Disney, so I think there's plenty of blame to go around.
It's pretty rich for someone from Anaheim to mock another city's cultural contributions when it's the place that's offered up a slew of vapid reality shows, No Doubt and Rebecca Black.
We're not exactly talking about Florence during the Renaissance here.
But we'll take Miller's piece in the spirit it was intended - as a vehicle for a slideshow, a little new media ploy at crassly driving up page clicks.
In Thursday's Scene, I write a quick and, dare I say, sophisticated primer on why Nashvillians should hate Anaheim and hit all the high points - Dan Ellis, George Parros' mustache, the movie which spawned the franchise and what have you. Similarly, the fine gentlemen at Section303.com did a wonderfully humorous skewering of our friends from the OC earlier in the season and again ahead of the playoff series. Even our buddies down at 1100 got in on the act with David Climer penning a take down. Joe Biddle's will run two Sundays from now and he'll ask "Whatever happened to Walt Disney?" and tell the story of the time he and Bill Wade got kicked out of Disneyland.
Before the puck drops tonight, there's more to know about the bad guys and the place they call home.
At the risk of writing a list piece - which I typically find to be a bit of a phone-in - here's some bullet points:
• The Ducks' top set of forwards - Bobby Ryan, Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf - are collectively known as the RPG Line (get it? It's the first letters of their surnames. Clever!). This would be awesome if RPG immediately brought to mind "rocket-powered grenade," as surely was the intention. Since most people spend little time fighting Turkish rebels, it doesn't. It means "role playing game." Instead of bringing to mind a badass handheld death machine, "RPG" brings to mind darkened basements and hours-long fights over whether an orc throwing fire takes five or six hit points from a 23rd level Paladin. Minus-4 charisma, Anaheim.
• On defense, the Ducks have a fellow named Sheldon Brookbank. He used to be in the Predators organization. The Preds waived him in 2007, presumably because, upon hearing his name, they thought he was an accountant.
• Let's talk about ducks for a second. Ducks are lots of things. They are the funniest animal, as Daffy, Donald and, to a lesser degree, Howard prove. They are cute. They are delicious served l'orange. They are, however, not scary. Certainly not as scary as an ATV-riding prehistoric super-cat.
• Chuck Norris is from Anaheim. Whoopty doo, Texas Ranger. Have you seen Shea Weber's beard?
• Almost from the get-go, the Ducks realized that being called the Ducks was lame. They actually created an alternate mascot - The Iceman. The Iceman was, shall we say, unsuccessful. You are more likely to see a screening of Mickey's Mellerdrammer than you are to hear House of Mouse acknowledge The Iceman.
• The City of Anaheim was once sued by Disney. Say what you will about Nashville and our inability to keep theme parks, we have never been taken to court by Mickey Mouse.
• The Ducks wear solid black uniforms. Presumably, this is to distract everyone from the fact they are called the "Ducks" and are, thus, the opposite of terrifying. The Ducks goalies get in the act by donning black pads, eschewing the normal hockey look of all-white pads. Dressing like the Michelin Man in Black does have its disadvantages, as Ducks netminder Jonas Hiller learned January 5. A shot by Jerred Smithson (the only "Jerred" on Wikipedia, PS) got lost in Hiller's pads, the refs signaled a good goal and upon review could find no evidence they were wrong. Really, they just lost sight of the puck because Hiller decided he'd cover himself in pads the exact same color as the puck, when, you know, really any other color seems far more useful in this context. But, hey, Smithers got a goal (unusual) and Preds fans got to experience No. 25's full range of emotions.
• Tennessee takes a lot of grief for creating the Klan. Orange County, conversely, was created by the Klan - specifically by a guy named William Henry Head, who spearheaded the effort to get the OC out of LA County back in the day. Head was a native Tennessean, by the way. So, you're welcome, Anaheim?
• We all love Mike Fisher here, what with his country-music wife and his dreamy smile and so on. We especially love him since he remembered how to score in the last month (and not just with American Idol winners, ifyaknowwhatimeanandithinkthatyoudo). Anaheim is scared of Mike Fisher. He once ruined Getzlaf.
• Nashville gets criticism from Canadians for not deserving an NHL team, since we are just the 29th largest media market in the country and, I don't know, because it doesn't start snowing on Labor Day [by the way, Canada, Nashville filled 94.3 percent of its seats this season]. Anaheim gets the advantage of being in LA's media market, which is good, because it's not even the largest city in Orange County - it's the third largest. Anaheim's other sports team figured out that no one knows or cares about Anaheim - the baseball team is now the California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Based On A Novel By Sapphire (or something). The Sacramento Kings may move to Anaheim next year. Their owners have registered a bevy of potential names, including the "Anaheim Royals of Southern California," to emphasize to the rest of the country that Anaheim is, in fact, in California, not Saskatchewan. And so averse to the poultry theme used by their potential new arena-mates are the team owners, the basketballing Kings are more willing to share a nickname with the Kansas City Royals.
Comments (18)
Showing 1-18 of 18
Joe Biddle's will run two Sundays from now and he'll ask "Whatever happened to Walt Disney?" ...
haha
like
dislike
Anaheim is a place where there are too many rats in the cage. The same cannot be said of Nash, by anyone. The condition of too many rats is prob'ly the source of the attitude.
Well done retorts, JR.
@mw: Actually, no reflection at all on JR, who penned a clever and pointed response; and not to defend the morning rag; but David Climer wrote a response to Miller's piece in this morning's Tennessean.
Kay -
I think mw was quoting me. The full sentence: "Even our buddies down at 1100 got in on the act with David Climer penning a take down. Joe Biddle's will run two Sundays from now and he'll ask "Whatever happened to Walt Disney?" and tell the story of the time he and Bill Wade got kicked out of Disneyland."
All is fine except, if one hadn't known of Anaheim before the Ducks were hatched that person must have been way way back in the hills. Didn't know about the Angels playing in the Big A, Anaheim Stadium starting in 1966? Never heard of Disneyland before the NHL arrived in town? Enjoyed the article but be careful you aren't guilty of the same things you are critical of in the other article.
Coaster:
In 1993, the Angels were still known as the California Angels. They became the Anaheim Angels in 1996, before became whatever mouthful they are now.
As for Disneyland, it was branded by The Mouse as being in "sunny California" and "near LA" for decades.
Wow. Pith standing up for Nashville's culture. I am impressed. Especially since Pith is on the cutting edge of making even more vicious comments about anything in Nashville, Davidson County and Tennessee that fails to reach its Manhattan wanna-be standards.
Even a marginally talented Anaheim writer could cut and paste comments from Pith posts that make today's Nashville seem like a combination of Selma Alabama circa 1959 and Hooterville circa 1970. I could care less what some duck dropping from California writes about Nashville but it offends me when Pith gets all boostery in criticizing stuff that is pablum compared to its usual elitist rants.
Mark Rogers, um, um, um!
I'm subdued if nothing else. I really would have thought THE SCENE would have been delighted, but it was not to be.
Now what if we lose?
JR - that is all true but it is all Anaheim as in Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga, remember that one? Anyway, love Nashville but the Ducks are the least of Anaheim's claim to fame now or then.
Mark, you ever heard the old adage that you can call your kinfolk every name in the book, but let someone outside the family call them names and they get a punch in the mouth? I think that's the principle here. Sure, we may call you a self-righteous, humorless prig with a stick up his butt on occasion — but let someone from Anaheim say it and watch the benches clear.
Same goes for John. I think.
Mr. Pink,
No one has ever called me "humorless." I could not go about my mission of educating leftists without a sense of humor, particularly ironic and whimsical humor.
Kinfolk do not call each other names in front of others. That is disrespectful. Calling each other names is what family reunions and Thanksgiving are for.
Not trying to discount your, but Anaheim IS the largest city in Orange County. No really, it is: http://blogs.ocweekly.com/navelgazing/2011/03/census_santa_ana_long_beach.php.
Speaking of the OC Klan, you should read the wonderful series of the OC Klan by Gustavo Arellano in OC Weekly!
Mr Pink does have a point.
Weddings and funerals should be remembered for some occasional unpleasantness.
Dear Jeff Miller, Orange County Register
We can all make fun of each other but here’s some facts that a little research could have turned you on to:
Anybody with any music history knowledge knows the two hosts of Hee Haw; Roy Clark and Buck Owens (whose face inspired the cartoon donkey, check it out and see what you think) were both from Bakersfield, CALIFORNIA. Home of what is known as the "Bakersfield Sound" in country music. Bakersfield is a mere 125 miles from where the Ducks play. Yup, a 2 hour drive even in the Beverly hillbillies truck. The fact that you use Hee Haw as a point of reference for Nashville is about as stupid as using the name Ducks for a Hockey team. Ducks fly from the cold and are awkward on ice. Get the point? Your argument is stuuuuupid and makes a good argument for why free journalists should be charged to write columns in rags like the OC Register. (WTF is that?)
Secondly, the show (Hee Haw) was created by Canadians. Ha Ha!! Hockey comes full circle!! The modern game was initially organized by students at McGill University, Montreal in 1875. Hee Haw! Created by Canadians in 1969! But, if you want to give Nashville two of your Native Sons with the combined talent that Roy Clark and Buck Owens have, we’ll take them!! You can Keep Jerry Brown and Charles Manson!!
See ya Sunday night, maybe you’d like to go to the woods and go huntin’??
PUCK DUCK ISNT THE ONLY ONE WHO SUCKS.....GAY BOY PHIL VALENTINE HAS BEEN KNOWN TO SUCK ONE OR TWO...
