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: The corner of Old Hickory Boulevard and Dickerson Pike
Approximate Age of Patrons
: Mid-30s to mid-40s
Topics of Conversation
: Is That Creepy Guy in the Van Driving By Again? and What Kind of Asshole Poops Next to a Toilet?!
Stray Dogs Seen
Types of Vehicles in Parking Lots
: Pickup trucks, creepy van, sedans
: Low to middling, but a lot of the blame for that falls on the creepy van.
Number of Gunshots Heard
: High. There's a nice loop to walk around and lots of grass for dogs to run in. No poop bags are provided, but there's plenty of goose poop for your dog to sniff at and then snack on when she thinks you're not looking.
Number of pitbulls sighted
: One (mine).
: Pretty good, depending on what you're using the park for. There are lots of places to sit, good parking near playgrounds and the ballparks, but a kid with accessibility issues might have trouble with the playground equipment.
Incorporation of Local History
: None that I saw.
: This time of year, people who enjoy meeting people who park their trucks at the far ends of secluded parking lots and/or who enjoy wondering at what point littering should be a floggable offense. Other times of the year, people who like outdoor sports and people who like to watch people playing outdoor sports.
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I like Cedar Hill Park a lot. This is a park my brother has played ball at and a park that is very family-friendly and conveniently located near a Sonic, which makes it a great place to eat any ice cream procured at said Sonic, especially while watching a softball game.
The loop is easy to walk, but has a nice little incline, so you feel like you've moved around some. And the whole place is quite lovely.
There was a creepy guy in a cream-colored van who slowly made his way in and out of every parking lot and a couple of guys parked way at the far ends of the more secluded parking lots in their pickup trucks. (Gentlemen, you're not fooling anyone. Come out and have illicit sex indoors like a grown-up. Truly, your back will thank you. And, seriously, if you wonder why you can't meet a nice guy, it's because nice guys don't fuck deeply closeted men who are skipping church to hook up in our community parks.)
But the true problem with the park is not the men in dire need of relationship advice, it's
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the people who seem to use the park as their personal litter box.
I have been to a lot of parks in town and I have never seen anything like I saw at Cedar Hill Park. Everywhere I looked, there was garbage, just thrown on the ground--papers and plastic bags in the woods, an open 12-pack of pop in a ditch, etc. Some of the bathrooms were closed due to vandalism (according to the sign on them)--which was completely unsurprising because, in the first portapotty I opened, someone had left an actual human turd on the floor.
You read that correctly--right next to the toilet, as a giant "fuck you" to everyone who came after the phantom shitter. "Ha ha, you have to look at my poop," such a turd says...except to the poor sap sent there with a mop. To him, the turd says, "Ha ha, your job really sucks, because you have to clean up the poop of a person too damn lazy or evil to bother using the toilet, which is right there."
People, this is beyond the realm of anything you can expect Metro Parks to keep a handle on. Unless they're going to have a police officer in every park monitoring us all so that people don't abuse our parks and ruin them for the rest of us, it is up to us to behave like we have been potty-trained and know how to use a garbage can.
And I am a little sad a person has to say that out loud.
Cedar Hill Park is a lovely park and it deserves better than to look like the floor of a frat house after a four-day party.