Tuesday, December 1, 2009
By the Way Hot Probs: The Baffling 'No Problem' Etiquette Question
Posted by Tracy Moore on Tue, Dec 1, 2009 at 12:24 PM
Comments (17)
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Service people male or female who say "you're welcome" instead of "no problem" to me get an extra five percent tip.
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In response to "Thank you" ("Merci"), the French reply, "Il n'y pas de quoi," which rougly translates as "It was nothing." Isn't that the same difference as saying "No problem"?
I don't see an issue.
I don't understand all the recent outrage about "no problem", either. I've been using that response for about 20 years. Just be happy that the person you're thanking doesn't say, "yeah, well, don't fu**ing ask me to do that again".
It seems to me as if people are confusing grammar evolution with lax etiquette. Words (and the way people use them) change over time. That’s a stone cold fact. Jovial reciprocation of respect and understanding is timeless.
Also, because I’m a huge nerd, I had to look up the etymology of “you’re welcome.” It’s used in Othello, and the OED also cites a story from 1907. If you want to be super contrarian and old-fashioned about it, start saying “my pleasure” instead.
I'm 50 years old and have been known to say "no problem" in response to a thank you. I've done so for years.
The reason "no problem" is a problem is etiquette, which is defined as "the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social life."
One commentator writes that the French reponse to "merci" roughly translates to "it was nothing." That's correct. So what? Let's look at another language: the Arabic response to "thank you" (shukran) is "afwan," which roughly translates to "forgive me." We are (primarily) English-speaking, and in a civilized English-speaking world the correct response to "thank you" is not "no problem."
It is, rather, "you're welcome," or "my pleasure," or--as recently happened at a dining establishment wherein the server garnered for herself a HUGE tip: "consider it done." Niiiiiice.
The reason "no problem" is a problem for virtually all adults of my acquaintance is addressed (quite well) in the column, that is: a reponse of "no problem" implies that there might have been a problem....and that is inappropriate, since what I thanked you for was doing your job.
The writer notes: "OK, fine. Then don't thank the server for doing their job."
You know, you're right. That's a simple solution: I can just stop saying "thank you" to servers. And, you know, stop tipping.
It's no problem.
Oh, but wouldn't you find yourself in a Reservoir Dogs-style conundrum? Perfunctory tipping is much more a matter of etiquette than what one says to "thank you."
Define "good breeding." I mean, please, really. Define it. Or "authority" for that matter, as it refers to what a person can say when thanked for a favor.
People who are offended by the use of "no problem" seem to be having an overly hostile response to a social exchange clearly understood by most folks to be well intended on both sides.
You're reassuring the thanker that the favor or courtesy might have inconvenienced you but didn't. It seems to me to be the opposite of rude.
I guess you have the right to *prefer* that they avoid making any reference to the problematic possibilities inherent in the favor. But you admit that you understand that they mean to let you know they were not inconvenienced. And yet you'd still rather NOT TIP than chalk it up to semantic differences?
Seems pretty rude to me.
Are you implying, Allison, that English has more in common with Arabic than French? If so, check your language history.
You only addressed situations in which servers or someone that works for someone else (in some sense) says "No problem." If I don't work for you, it very well might have been a problem for me to do whatever I did for you. In that case, it's no problem for me to say "No problem."
Our rules of etiquette are alive - just like our language; therefore, they change. We they change, we adapt.
Well, then there is "whatever".....
This really demands an analysis.
Wasting time on "no problem" does at least suggest a lack of breeding by some of the posters.
I must admit I don't understand the outrage against "No problem." However, I think "You're welcome" is the preferable response. To me, anyway.
Why is it that kids prefer "no problem"? Is it somehow superior to "you're welcome"? Is the former cool and the latter uncool?
More troublesome to me is saying "thank you,i/>" in response to "thank you". Maybe sometimes it's appropriate, but even then "You're welcome. Thank you.i/>" would be preferable.
Let's try it again, html novice...
More troublesome to me is saying "Thank you" in response to "Thank you". Maybe sometimes it's appropriate, but even then "You're welcome. Thank you" would be preferable.
1) if you want to hear people respond to your "thank you" with a "my pleasure", eat at chicfila. it's employee policy.
2) allison ingram sounds like she's probably the type of customer who gets her food spit in occasionally anyway, and probably shouldn't worry so much about how servers respond to her saying thanks.
3) what does "you're welcome" even mean? is it short for something? you are welcome.. you are welcome here.. you are not an intruder. seems a bit non sequitur when following a statement of gratitude. "no problem" makes more sense to me.
Wow. I never knew that people even cared about "no problem". I've said it all my life and it's never been an issue.
I admit to being over 50 and the "No Problem" response to a thank you feels like a verbal backhand across the face. The core of the issue is that "No Problem" is the proper response to an APOLOGY...to an "I'm sorry." To receive a "No problem" in response to a "thank you" is to be made to feel like you are subservient to -- and have apologized to -- the person you are graciously thanking. If I accidentally pee on your shoe, then realize my error and say "I"m sorry," the proper etiquette is to say: NO PROBLEM. But when you come back with "No problem" in response to my THANK YOU, you have made me to feel like I have done something socially inappropriate like peeing on your shoes.
[Addendum to prior comment] - The article states: "However you slice it, you said "thanks" and I (via "No problem") said "The transaction I have performed for you here is in not an inconvenience to me" -- This statement illustrates the central issue. The "thank you" plus "you're welcome" ritual has a co-equal social mutuality going back and forth between the persons. The traditional "you're welcome" reply properly focuses on the OTHER person [notice the "YOU" part of it]. In contrast, the "No problem" response carries primarily a SELF/ME focus. Why? - Because the "No problem" response means: "No problem (to ME)."
