Monday, August 31, 2009

If I Had My Way, Mike Turner Would be Governor

Posted By on Mon, Aug 31, 2009 at 7:17 PM

So, I'm at brunch yesterday at the Gold Rush, which is, I'm sorry, just hands down the most
click to enlarge It's not too late to draft Mike Turner, right?
  • It's not too late to draft Mike Turner, right?
awesome place to spend a Sunday morning when one cannot spend it sandwiched between Dominic West and Paula Deen and one of the people at the table asks if it's not awkward that one of the other people at the table supports McWherter and I support McMillan.

Well, this is news to me, of course, since I a.) have not yet decided which gubernatorial candidate I like and b.) who the hell cares who I support for governor (except, I will say, that when Woods started pontificating on how people with matching genitalia should support each other and why wasn't I whole hog for McMillan, it was one of the greatest days in Pith history and made me love him just a little)?

But then I thought, who would my dream candidate for Governor be?

And the answer hit me.  Mike Turner.

Here's what Mike Turner's got going for him.

1. He really loves being a Democrat. Who the hell knows what any Democratic politician in Tennessee means by "Democrat" but whatever it is, Turner relishes it.

2. He picks out cute young guys to run for office and let's face it, if we're not going to get the state legislators to stop acting like it's the Playboy Mansion up there, at least let's throw some people into the mix that make it a little tempting for the straight women to screw up in the same way the straight men do.

3. And most importantly, if Mike Turner were governor, I would have something to write about every day. One day I'd be all, "Yeah, damn straight.  Woo hoo!" and the next day I'd be all "Holy sweet Jesus, how could this have happened?!" And maybe even about the same incident.

It would be awesome. So, that's my endorsement. Mike Turner for Governor. No, he's not running, but weren't you, for just a second, excited about the Governor's race in a way you hadn't yet been?

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