Thursday, August 13, 2009
Around Town / Crazy Crap / Phillips Other Ways Nashville Could Have Blown that Extra $600,000
Posted by Betsy Phillips on Thu, Aug 13, 2009 at 8:21 AM
- Everyone in Nashville gets a free lottery ticket, with the caveat that, if anyone hits it big, they have to split it 50/50 with the rest of us.
- Pay the salary of two really shitty rookie NFL players
- Pay off MC Hammer's back taxes
- Bring on 20 new teachers at $30,000 a piece
- 100,000 shots of Jameson's
- Take out an ad in the New York Times announcing to the world that, from now on, just assume we're chumps.
- We take it to the new all-male strip club and make it rain like we're professional athletes
- 20,000 new books for our library system
- We take every veteran in Nashville to the movies, though hopefully not to see GI Joe. These folks have sacrificed enough.
- All foreign-born Nashvillians are treated to lunch at Wendy's and allowed to have a Frosty for dessert!
- We monitor 120 local bloggers instead of two. Do we have 120 local bloggers? Hmm. Well, we may just have to enact higher quality monitoring of the bloggers we have.
Comments (31)
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Jameson's? Yet another example of the latte-sipping, liberal, slavishly europhile elitist bias endemic at the Scene.
Simple. One (1) check (or ACH transfer) to McNeely Piggott & Fox for $600,000. Simpler accounting. Accomplishes the same thing. More honest.
I have Jameson's at home and that sounds very good right now. Irish drunk is the best drunk.
If you'd bought $600,000 worth of Dickel it would have been more worthwhile and supported the state's economy.
How about 50,000 shots of Lagavulin or Macallan or support a domestic industry with 50,000 shots of Black Maple Hill?
Or take the money and buy a page in the Tennessean and put real news in it each day for a year?
The only thing that should ever be smoked is meat, preferable pig. Anyone smoking anything else (particularly when they use the smoldering biomass of decaying grass) is trying to hide something.
You know, speaking of Tennessee whiskeys, wouldn't it be nice to have a Tennessee whiskey both owned and made in Tennessee? Maybe we should have used that $600,000 to get the ball rolling on that.
I was more thinking we could set up a still in the back yard of a local blogger, perhaps one who would be happy to let the whiskey age in her shed. Didn't they pass legislation to legalize micro-distilleries this year? I just need me a knowledgeable moonshiner.
I mean, that local blogger would just need a knowledgeable moonshiner.
Perhaps the powerful Tennessee blogging community could influence the Governor to grant Popcorn a pardon.
Aunt B., do you have someone in mind to be the hostess? Someone with a reasonably secluded home out of town and an excellent guard dog?
Popcorn is dead, he wouldn't be much help even if he were pardoned.
Michael Vick would make a great host per your requirements.
Mark, I have terrible news. Unless Popcorn can manage something only Jesus and Lazarus have done before, we can't count on Popcorn to help.
But, yes, I do think out by the garden would be a lovely spot for a still, perhaps where the greenhouse is now falling down.
Except that Michael Vick doesn't live in Tennessee and he doesn't have a cooter!
Hey, I have toured both the Jack Daniels and the Dickel breweries. I'd say that qualifies me as knowing all about how to make sippin' whiskey. I for sure know all about how to taste it to make sure it's right.
Aunt B.,
The biggest barrier to this admirable plan will be the likely objections of various neighborhood associations within a radius of 20 miles who might fear that the additional alcohol ics and tourists will impact their quality of life.
Odd how the NIMBYs have such large back yards.
I am appalled to find myself in agreement with Emmett for the first time ever: Jameson is for sipping gently, whilst reflecting on your forebears who came over from the Ould Sod in the dark days of Black '47.
Of course, Tennessee natives are more often descended, as I am, from the Scotch-Irish who did so much to make the potato famine a special hell on earth for the Catholic peasantry. So we sip our rye with a splash of penitence.
Well, true enough, Mark. But the whole May Town thing is still up in the air. Is it too late to ask the Mays to return distilling to Bell's Bend? That's a lot of open space, sparsely populated, they own a lot of land out there, and the local farmers could supply the grain. Why have a second downtown when we can have a high-end locally owned and operated whiskey distillery? May Town Whiskey even has a nice ring to it.
Damn it, now I wish I'd been nicer to them!
Aunt B.,
Let's have the Mays build the distillery into the May Town project. Think of the added value in attracting residents when you get a big discount on 'May Town Whiskey.'
It would preserve a lot of green space because you need the warehouses to be far apart. And they used to do a ton of moonshinin' out there back in the day, so it would be a return to tradition.
Someone they don't hate should suggest this to them...
Green space has its place but I am a big fan of the artistic properties of concrete, steel, glass and other materials.
And we could bill the whiskey as made from pure Nashville rainwater filtered through the finest concrete. Think of it as refined limestone, which works wonders on the water for whiskey.
Besides, too much urban green space tends to attract hippies and they are not whiskey drinkers.
Bibb County (GA)Sherrif taught me everything I needed to know about building a still when I was in high school ("science project"...cough, cough) but being a good Baptist, I don't make whiskey in front of other Baptists *snortle*. Now, making whiskey in front of other bloggers could be a different story.
This is why it is a shame that it doesn't cost anything to print text and memory/storage space is cheap. At least 20 years ago this wouldn't have made it past the editor as it wouldn't have been worth wasting valuable print resources (and real estate) to communicate this garbage.
Geez, Kevin, what turned you into the pigweed in the Mulligan stew?
Aunt B., wasn't you once upon a time wondrin' where all the Kevins were? I guess you found one...that shoulda stayed lost.
The distillery idea is not that crazy...I'm from Maine and we recently got us a vodka distillery, Cold River...a pair of brothers, one a doctor and one a patatah fahmah, started it...husband (Kevin--one of the rare good ones) says, "We should be churning it out like Russia! It would give people jobs!"
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