Thursday, August 13, 2009

Help Wanted: Federal Government Has Openings for Death Panel Members

Posted By on Thu, Aug 13, 2009 at 3:38 PM

click to enlarge Be the first to apply to one of Sarah Palin's new death panels.
  • Be the first to apply to one of Sarah Palin's new death panels.
The United States government expects to have hundreds of new openings for death panel members beginning this fall. Job entails deciding which elderly/handicapped should live or die under new health care initiative. May also include forcing abortions on unsuspecting mothers and being mean to Sarah Palin's youngest child.

Employment includes no specific education or experience requirements, but previous work in insurance, banking or serial murder a plus. Successful candidate should be callous, capable of chuckling ominously, and has never enjoyed an episode of Golden Girls. Must love socialism and eradicating white people who are strict constitutionalists. Must also possess reliable transportation and euthanasia equipment -- i.e. syringes, guillotine, hydrochloric acid, etc. Ideal vocation for people who honk at old guys for driving too slow.

Send resume, blood oath, and a letter of reference from either Satan or Nancy Pelosi to:

Barack Hussein Obama
c/o White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 50200

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