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Are you like me? Do you find yourself constantly insulted by ads and marketing and gimmicks that presume you are a total idiot? Then please, join in this cathartic bitch session about Regal Cinemas, drawn from bitter personal experience over the weekend.
Saturday I went to see a movie with my roommate at Hollywood 27. Movie start time? 3:10 p.m. Price? $10.
Me: "Uh, wait, but it's the afternoon. That's the matinee price?"
Customer service person: "The matinee ends at 3 p.m. This movie starts at 3:10."
Uh, what? No, seriously--what?
Does Regal Cinema not know what the definition of a matinee is? I think most people know. And why they have not chosen to revolt is beyond me.
A matinee, according to Merriam Webster, is a musical or dramatic performance or social or public event held in the daytime and especially the afternoon. The afternoon is the part of day between noon and sunset.
Where's the missing link? If you search around the Internet, most people seem to think that a matinee starts sometime around noon and ends around 6 p.m.
Not Regal Cinemas, who informed me that they've been doing this whole 3 p.m. scam for about a year now. In fairness, I guess, movie theaters probably started offering the matinee discount to bring in customers during off-peak times, when business was slow. So they have the right to up the price and lower the time frame of that discount whenever they choose.
But I would argue we have a social contract with the movie theater, and that they are violating it.
One other complaint: They have these "meal deals" when you go to concessions listed by the number. You know, like at fast food joints? A number 3 is a medium popcorn and a medium coke. The customer thinks, meal deal, that's like at fast food joints, that's like when you buy a few things together and you get a cheaper deal. I'll take it. They don't bother to add it up and figure the discount, because we've all been programmed to assume there is a discount for purchasing more at one time.
But at Regal Cinemas, there is no discount. It costs exactly the same to buy the number three--a medium popcorn and medium coke--as it does to buy...drum roll...a medium popcorn and a medium coke!
Thanks for making it so much easier, Regal Cinemas. You haven't saved me any money, but now I only have to say two words instead of five. And in that spirit, I'll streamline the process even more by shortening my patronage to single words: