Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Match Made in Heaven: Hummer and Williamson County

Posted by Jack Silverman on Wed, Jul 8, 2009 at 8:06 AM

click to enlarge Hummer, anyone?
  • Hummer, anyone?
OK, I'm going to use every last ounce of restraint I possess to refrain from obvious blowjob jokes here. Hard as it may be (d'oh!). After all, for Williamson County residents, news that Hummer is considering relocating its headquarters there shouldn't be particularly difficult to, er, swallow.
click to enlarge Brentwood soccer moms will love this fetching little number!
  • Brentwood soccer moms will love this fetching little number!
Puerile humor aside (at least temporarily), could there be a more perfect match of corporation and locale? A gas-guzzling monstrosity, adapted from a military vehicle that has come to symbolize our attempts to tramp across the Middle East spreading democracy by force (at least where it's politically expedient), partnered with America's wealthiest county (according to the Council for Community and Economic Research), which is teeming with SUVs, and voted 72% (!) in favor of George W. Bush in 2004? (And that's after four years of witnessing what a dimwit and national embarrassment he was.) If there were an eHarmony for corporate relocation, this would be a perfect match.
click to enlarge This motorized metaphor for manhood is perfect for the rough terrain of Cool Springs Boulevard.
  • This motorized metaphor for manhood is perfect for the rough terrain of Cool Springs Boulevard.
And what better place for this resource-depleting, greenhouse-gas-spewing poster child for American arrogance and stupidity than a county where global warming is widely seen as a ridiculous myth perpetrated by the socialist Obamatrons who are destroying the very fabric of our way of life? Williamson County is a stronghold of proud, patriotic, unapologetic Americans, dammit!
click to enlarge To sweeten the deal, the state legislature is considering a bill to legalize mounted weapons on Hummers.
  • To sweeten the deal, the state legislature is considering a bill to legalize mounted weapons on Hummers.
And these days, what's more American than being owned by a Chinese company? Attention Rutherford County: If you notice dozens of these inadequacy-relieving ATVs amassing on your border, it's time to arm up and dig in. The battle for State Route 840 could be long and bloody.

Tags: , , , ,

Comments (29)

Showing 1-29 of 29

Add a comment

I hate to be the corrector of geography two days in a row, but I think you mean SR 840.

report   
Posted by Jimmy on 07/08/2009 at 8:24 AM

this just in- east nashville is full of fags.. and north nashville is full of criminal blacks!

report   
Posted by alum on 07/08/2009 at 8:38 AM

Okay, I have to admit this is funny. Good job.

report   
Posted by Annonymous_2 on 07/08/2009 at 8:53 AM

America's wealthiest county? Really? In TN?

report   
Posted by burrito on 07/08/2009 at 9:06 AM

Williamson County is number 16 according to Forbes...
Williamson County

report   
Posted by Kew on 07/08/2009 at 9:23 AM

Fixed. Thanks Jimmy. Yesterday's was a plain-ol' brain fart. Today a little typo. That'll teach me to blog at 2 in the morning.
Burrito and Kevin, it's the wealthiest county when adjusted for cost of living in the area, which ultimately seems to be the best test of wealth. Someone who makes $100,000 in Williamson, for instance, is much wealthier than someone who makes $100,000 in Orange County, Calif. That's why I put the source in parentheses.
And without the adjustment, it's consistently in the top 20. I think average household income is in the 80,000 range usually.

report   
Posted by Jack on 07/08/2009 at 9:32 AM

Whoops. Above was #18, but #16 should be this one...
Actually Williamson County

report   
Posted by KEW on 07/08/2009 at 9:32 AM

I believe Davidson and Williamson are among the top 10 counties nationally in terms of giving to the Republican Party.

report   
Posted by Anonymous on 07/08/2009 at 10:28 AM

Stay classy, Scene.

report   
Posted by T on 07/08/2009 at 10:47 AM

Glad to see you are more concerned with attacking people who may have different beliefs than yourself than a company bringing potentially lots of jobs to the middle Tennessee area. Williamson county employers do hire people who live in Davidson, Rutherford, Sumner, Maury, Wilson, etc counties...

report   
Posted by Brad on 07/08/2009 at 10:51 AM

Slow news day, Jack? I'm not sure if you ride 65 South down that way much, but there's another car company called Nissan (heard of it?) that also has its headquarters in Williamson County. They make some great fuel-efficient cars and plan on rolling out an electric vehicle in 2010. eHarmony mix-up?

report   
Posted by Joe P. on 07/08/2009 at 10:58 AM

Right, Brad, because it's always, always, always about "jobs" isn't it? No matter if the jobs produce something that is a bad idea to begin with, and perhaps even borderline morally reprehensible, eh? That's OK ... as long as the marketers of the idea can wave around a banner of "creating jobs," that makes everything right and good.

report   
Posted by jamiealex on 07/08/2009 at 10:59 AM

I know it would take more energy than writing a juvenile blog post and copying some (uncredited?) images from the internet, but you really should drive 20 minutes south to visit Williamson County. You might be surprised that quite a few of us don't fit your stereotype at all (30% voted for Obama last Nov., for example).
Tennesseans aren't all the same, nor are those who make up Davidson or Williamson counties. It's bone-headed when people play this game on Fox News and it's just as bone-headed here at the Scene.

report   
Posted by Jason C on 07/08/2009 at 11:14 AM

I get the satirical drift, but it's not like Hummer is looking to take over the auto market. It's a specialty luxury product, like a freaking fancy sports car, and while there's no way I would want one, the market exists and will always exist for gas guzzling testosteronemobiles. Nobody who isn't asinine would make a Hummer their regular vehicle, and the company will be located somewhere... why not Williamson County?

report   
Posted by The OG DG on 07/08/2009 at 11:30 AM

Jason, your point is well-taken. A good friend of mine is very active in the Williamson County Democrats, and they threw a lot of cool events and fundraisers prior to the last election. (I think I just got suckered into the ol' "Some of my best friends are...." shtick. Oy vey.)
And I know that, regardless of party affiliation, not everyone in Williamson County is of the Hummer-driving personality. Still, I feel that as a whole, Williamson County stands for a lot of things that are emblematic of our nation's problems. Gobs of subdivisions with enormous McMansions, soulless office parks and the monstrosity that is Cool Springs, a shopping area that may as well have been designed by Satan himself (herself?). And 72 percent for Bush in 2004? That administration was a disaster no matter how you paint it.
And are you really bragging that 30 percent of the county voted for Obama? Tennessee is one of the reddest states around, and the state as a whole voted 39 percent for Obama. I think those election results further illuminate my point.
But yes, I took liberties for humor's sake (or at least attempted humor's sake). To all of the Williamson Countians who don't fit the mold, my apologies.

report   
Posted by Jack on 07/08/2009 at 11:52 AM

That pink Barbie Hummer is sweet. I'm going to buy some for my daughters.

report   
Posted by Pete Kotz on 07/08/2009 at 12:13 PM

"...a county where global warming is widely seen as a ridiculous myth perpetrated by the socialist Obamatrons..."
And well they should, since there isn't anyone alive on the planet who is actually capable of proving that man-made global warming exists.

report   
Posted by Gilbert Martin on 07/08/2009 at 12:28 PM

All this Hummer talk is pointless. The Women Of Williamson County have banned hummers forever.

report   
Posted by Emmett Flatus on 07/08/2009 at 12:30 PM

Gilbert Martin is a tool

report   
Posted by Kingfish on 07/08/2009 at 12:34 PM

jamiealex - it is about jobs to people who don't have one and more people don't have jobs now than at any other time in most of our lifetimes... what about all the Spring Hill residents who are out of work from the auto plant down there being idled? Not that Hummer has said they will bring a plant to middle Tennessee, but I bet those folks who have worked in the auto industry would love to see another auto manufacturer of any kind come in so they can put food on their table instead of accepting a bunch of handouts...
... and I'm glad the "apology" extended only to those Williamson Countians who don't fit the mold. For the rest of them, clearly, the Nashville scene is not a publication geared towards acceptance in any way. Continue criticizing those who don't agree with you and you end up angering even many of those who do agree with you and you quickly find yourself alone (or maybe hanging out and selling newspapers to a small select few). The "left" tends to classify itself as the more accepting side of the political spectrum, but your article is a clear example that you cannot generalize upon the whole based on a few particular individuals.

report   
Posted by Brad on 07/08/2009 at 1:52 PM

Williamson County stands for a lot of things that are emblematic of our nation's problems. Gobs of subdivisions with enormous McMansions, soulless office parks and the monstrosity that is Cool Springs, a shopping area that may as well have been designed by Satan himself (herself?).
And let's not forget: haven for people who want to ensure that their kids associate with and go to school with people who are white and not poor.

report   
Posted by bb on 07/08/2009 at 1:53 PM

those who cannot will always vilify those who can and strut around as if they wouldn't even if they could. get over yourselves. the scene writers trying to exude some kind of moral superiority over the fiscally successful is about as credible as daughters of the confederacy sitting in the parlor discussing how blacks and mexicans are ruining america.

report   
Posted by alum on 07/08/2009 at 2:14 PM

"Gilbert Martin is a tool"
Right back at ya, punk.

report   
Posted by Gilbert Martin on 07/08/2009 at 2:36 PM

"And let's not forget: haven for people who want to ensure that their kids associate with and go to school with people who are white and not poor."
Yes, and the next time I hear someone say, "We're moving to Williamson county for the schools" I'm going to lose my lunch. I only want to move there for the world-class shopping. Not.

report   
Posted by chris1974 on 07/08/2009 at 3:57 PM

Jake, you can take your half assed apology and stick it. your critic of cool springs can also be said about countless other "shopping" areas in and around Nashville. I does driving a 60k hummer in WilCo make you any more of a anti-environmentalists than driving 60k escalade in Nashville? screw you and your whiny opinion. BTW, Bush was an idiot but obama is quickly turning into an even bigger disaster in which 70% of Nashville voted for.

report   
Posted by not amused on 07/08/2009 at 4:00 PM

I don't know, Chris. Moving there for better schools sound like a perfectly good and honorable reason to me. When it comes to your kids, all other socio-political reasons ride coach. I'd just call that good parenting.

report   
Posted by Pete Kotz on 07/08/2009 at 4:28 PM

There isn't anyone alive (or dead, even) on the planet or the whole universe ever in the history of time who can prove that Williamson county, with all it's right-thinking, God-fearing Republicans, isn't the best place on Earth or the whole universe for a person to live or for any corporation to locate. That's true no matter what YOU say, punk.
All Democrats are commies.

report   
Posted by Gilbert Jr. on 07/08/2009 at 5:08 PM

Pete, I'm just saying if it's just "the schools" and nothing else, it's not as great a decision as they think.
The schools in Metro aren't bad. In fact, I will take the controversial point that they aren't any worse than Williamson's. It's that Metro schools have so many kids from poor, single parent homes. Williamson has what, less than 1% of their kids in poverty. Yeah, real tough to teach those kids. Education starts in the home remember. I'd like to do some experiment one day and take all the kids at Brentwood High and transfer them to Whites Creek or Maplewood and transfer those kids to Brentwood. Do this for a year. Then let's see how superior their schools really are.

report   
Posted by chris1974 on 07/08/2009 at 7:27 PM

I thought they stopped production on that thing?
Apparently even the Chinese don't want the dang things.

report   
Posted by Southern Beale on 07/08/2009 at 9:30 PM
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-29 of 29

Add a comment

Top Topics in
Pith in the Wind

Politics (64)


Legislature (59)


Phillips (41)


Sports (16)


Media (14)


Law and Order (13)


Around Town (9)


Crazy Crap (7)


Breaking News (7)


Education (6)


All contents © 1995-2012 City Press LLC, 210 12th Ave. S., Ste. 100, Nashville, TN 37203. (615) 244-7989.
All rights reserved. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of City Press LLC,
except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via email to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Powered by Foundation