Monday, July 6, 2009
Congress / Kotz / Legislature / Politics An Open Letter to Zach Wamp: You Need a Better Jesus Story, Pal
Posted by Pete Kotz on Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 5:41 AM
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Dear Wampster:
You must be a little bummed. Though Ron Ramsey whined the entire legislative session about not being able to shake down lobbyists for donations, he still managed to raise more money than you for his gubernatorial campaign. I know why. Your Jesus story sucks.
Okay, so we're all real happy that Jesus delivered you from an early life as a cokehead. But half the Vanderbilt Alumni Association has the same story. And since 68 percent of the U.S. once had their socket wrench set stolen by a cokehead, nobody really forgives you. Couldn't you have stolen something less valuable? Like those Molly Hatchet CDs?
Frankly, Zach, the path to redemption is a pretty steep climb in these parts. Take Rev. Maury Davis. Now there's a Jesus story. I'm not suggesting you behead a middle-aged Sunday school teacher. But couldn't you think of something that has a little more demonic possession to it? Being pulled by God from a frat house couch, where your biggest sin was skipping algebra a lot, doesn't sound very salvationy.
Why can't you claim you were a sex addict? That you used to appear in bondage films? Or at least that you once rooted for the Lakers? That sounds a lot more like the devil's work. Just a thought.
Your pal, Pith
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