Monday, June 29, 2009
40 Jealous Whores / Congress / Crazy Crap / Hicks From the Sticks / Kotz / Law and Order / Politics / Sports Chris Johnson, the Ochocinco of Tennessee, Leads This Week's Kook Power Rankings
Posted by Pete Kotz on Mon, Jun 29, 2009 at 5:33 AM
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Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey is the gold standard of shamelessness. But for one week, he's been surpassed by Titan's running back Chris Johnson, who does indeed spell the word "team" with an "I:"
1. Chris Johnson: He filed for divorce from his Smash & Dash partner Lendale White because Chris Johnson just wasn't getting enough attention. In related news, he's added four new hangers-on to his entourage to carry his ego, and is planning a May wedding to marry himself, saying that "I'm the only one I've ever truly loved."
2. Congressman John Duncan: The Knoxville Republican wants to get rid of the Air Marshal Service, calling it a "useless agency" because it only rides around in planes. Look for Duncan to push for allowing gun permit holders to carry on planes, because in an airborne fire-fight with al-Qaeda, it would be way better to have Second Amendment Man shooting recklessly while hiding behind a grandma from El Paso.
3. Tre Hargett: When an aging voting activist left an innocuous comment on a web site, the secretary of state took it as a threat, sending TBI agents to intimidate, er, investigate the situation. The agents, naturally, found no threat at all. When they returned to the Capitol, they found Hargett hiding under his desk. A Girl Scout troop was touring the Capitol that day.
4. Robert Duvall: The Nashville councilman told Fox last week that Tennessee gun permit holders must undergo an "anal inspection" as part of the state's requirements. We realize this was just a slip of the tongue. But since 87 percent of Fox viewers are sexually repressed, according to the Nielsen Ratings, expect a flood of out-of-state permit requests so they can undergo said inspection -- but only if it's conducted by a cute guy named Randy.
Comments (1)
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i mean, first off chris johnson is not arrogant and does not have a big ego, u hating ass bitch. u just another jealous punk, probably a cracker, sititng back mad because you're feeling the recession and he's not. u broke bitch@pete no pussy getting kotz. u're not funny at all, and i'm surprised anybody let's u write. oh i forgot u dont write for a real paper, just the nashville scene. nobody reads this shit, i was lead here doing a pic search.
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Posted by
Nunya Business
on December 6, 2009 at 10:51 PM
